Sassie Cassie Blaine

Randomness is the Name of the Game

2009-09-17T11:34:00.004-06:00

I have some things brewing that really have nowhere to overflow to but here.

1) I need to move out but can't afford to....or I'm too scared to take the leap of faith it would require. My parents are charging a ridiculous amount of rent that I, some months, cannot pay. The amount they're charging is enough to pay for my own place but I know well enough that not paying your parents is one thing.....not paying a landlord is quite another!

2) I wouldn't feel so pressed to jump from my parents' ship if I could stop hearing the following sentence, "You need to make a plan on your days off for how you're going to make a contribution to the family." Really??? I thought my multiple hundreds of dollars per month would be enough of a contribution. I need to play laundress and cleaning lady as well? Somehow I missed that in the fine print.

3) I have a friend. She is one that I adore immensely but is at the same time needy and overbearing. Her self-esteem is so low that every other sentence out of her mouth is a bash against herself. I have tried every psychology tactic I can muster and the problem seems to not be clearing up. Spending time with her is becoming emotionally draining and mentally exhausting. I have tried telling her that if she wants to spend time with me, she needs to bring her happy face. This only goes to further her belief that I don't REALLY want to spend time with her and thusly she is the most unlikeable person on the planet. I CAN'T WIN!

4) My Not-So-Ex, Ex Special Man Friend is throwing me for a loop. We took a ninety day hiatus from all forms of communication after our break-up in order to get a clean break and to begin healing. My feelings for him have not diminished one iota. I'm actually very surprised. When SMF was in town a couple of weeks ago, he and I spent time together and it was as if nothing at all had changed. Never mind the fact that he and I hadn't laid eyes on one another for over a year, we were able to fall into the same rhythm and ease which we always had when we had been together. Apparently, there is a part of me that is unwilling to let go of that fact. It's not everyday that you find that with someone right?? And certainly LESS frequently when you combine it with the intense love we have for one another, yes?? So it would be stupid of me to toss it aside wouldn't it? Being together is not an option for either of us right now. We both have callings in our current locations and we're both feeling lead to stay and honor our commitments.

5) I'm going to start school again in the Spring. What am I gonna be when I grow up??? Good question! I have no clue. Stepmom is pushing for the Education tract and Dad keeps telling me to get the business degree. It's all up in the air right now and I'm feeling all scatter-brained about it. Every time I try and sit down to really think about the future, my brain scampers off down rabbit trails and refuses to let me ponder the possibilities.

That seems to be all the word vomit I can manage for the day. I hope to someday get back to writing on a more regular basis....as soon as I have the means to buy my own computer, I will!

Nabbed From Mrs. Chili!

2009-06-25T00:33:00.004-06:00

1. What is your least favorite candy bar?
Almond Joys

2. If I were to call you, what would you say?
Ummmm...why are you calling???? That's what texting is for!

3. What is your favorite type of leaf?
REALLY?!?!? I would have no idea....I kind of like the ones on bamboo sticks.

4. When was the last time you….
- had sex? Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna say! MY DAD READS THIS!!! (Hi Dad...the answer is NEVER. And I never will! Happy Father's Day.)
- swam in a lake? Can't even begin to guess.
- went barefoot outside? Today.
- ate peas? My Dad made some sort of rice concoction a couple of weeks ago that had peas in it.

5. Since Father’s Day recently happened, tell us about the person that you are celebrating.
I love my Dad! He's wicked smart and is there for me whenever I have a problem. In fact, we don't "Google" things in our house...we "Doogle" them! "Dad! What's the average weight of a duck?!?!"

6. Were you dropped on your head as a child?
Mwahaha!! It would explain a lot if I was!

7. How often do you clean your toilet?
It happens once every two weeks....by the cleaning lady.

8. Have you ever been sunburned? Tell us about it.
Yeah, I've gotten a couple of bad burns when I've been out in the more tropical sunshine. I spent those times miserable and hating my life. However, the Midwestern sun hardly ever burns me any more.

9. On average, how many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Seven and a half.

10 How many hours did you get last night?
Six and a half

11. Take a picture of something. Post it.

I can't.....Blogger is being dumb right now.

12. Are the bottom of your feet dirty?
ABSOLUTELY!!! It's been 92+ degrees around here lately...and stupidly humid!

13. Do you know the names of every member of the family who lives next door to you?
No but I WANT to!!! The "two doors down and across the street" neighbors have WICKEDLY hot sons!

Why I Love My Life

2009-06-11T13:59:00.007-06:00

"Oh my, Cassie! What a lovely tree in your front yard!"

"But, wait!!! I detect life in that tree! A small woodland creature perhaps?!?!?"

"Ummmm.....no. That would be my nutball dog, Puccini."

"What could she possibly be doing???"

"Well she's squirrel huntin' of course!!!"

Yup....that's my dog. In a tree. Because that's how we roll around here, yo!

My Life is a Romantic Comedy

2009-05-24T00:29:00.004-06:00

Remember Sam? Remember how I said it was totally platonic? Remember when my life was simple? Remember when I WASN'T AN IDIOT?!?!?

Remember?!?

I DO!

Then one night my Platonic Feelings, my Sobriety, and my Inhibitions peaced out, left me to fend for myself and chaos ensued.

Let's rewind a little bit, shall we?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About two weeks after my last post, I suddenly had the sinking feeling that my feelings for Sam were no longer platonic. It hit me out of the blue when he was leaning over to grab something on the other side of the table and I caught a whiff of his cologne. I have always been a HUGE sucker for Man Scent, but I was able to keep my shit together long enough to run to my bathroom, look myself in the mirror and scream, "What!! Are you fucking stupid?!?!?" After that, the night continued on uneventfully and I chalked it up to being in desperate need for some manly affection and moved on.

Then the following night as Sam was sitting next to my sister checking out something on her laptop, I looked up from my magazine and was suddenly overtaken by the urge to kiss along his jawline. Once again I excused myself and screamed into my pillow for a good five minutes.

*PAUSE*

I know you're beginning to wonder why I was so doggedly resisting these feelings. There was a VERY good reason. A reason I wasn't ready to admit to myself. A reason I couldn't overlook because it could have meant possibly hurting someone I care more about than any other person on this planet.

*PLAY*

After the screaming, I laced up my gym shoes and decided to get a little physical exercise while I contemplated all I had been feeling. As I was leaving, I heard these words:

"Hey Cass! I'll go with you. I haven't gotten any physical activity at all today!"

*PAUSE*

This is where Smart Cass would have said, "That's okay Sam. I'll go by myself. I need the solitude."

But the script went something like this instead:

"Sure! Sounds good."

From then on, Sam and I got together everyday to take nightly walks and chit chat about life. The entire time all this was going on I realized I was playing with fire. I was WELL aware of the fact that Third Degree Burns were really the only possible outcome. And yet, I continued to walk right into the blaze.

*PAUSE*

I am going to take this moment to share a fact with you. I have ALWAYS been better friends with guys than girls. I get guys. We jive well. Their simpler, more compartmentalized way of thinking appeals to me and we communicate easily with each other. What am I trying to say? I very, VERY quickly became Sam's closest friend and confidant.

Another fun fact? I also happen to be EXTREMELY intuitive......almost to the point of clairvoyance! Just keep those facts tucked away...they'll come in handy later.

*MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE RANCH*

This past Wednesday after Sam and I finished our walk, he invited me along to have some beers with his friends. I agreed and off we went. (Hear that??? That's the sound of Sobriety and Inhibitions packing their bags!)

Fast forward past my 4 beers and his 3 straight vodkas and you'll find us stumbling up to my front door.

"Cass, mind if I come in for a bit? I can't drive right now."

"Sure! Sounds good." (Sound familiar????)

"Cool, thanks."

We headed to the kitchen table where I set us up with some water.

"You know Cass, the only reason I'm going to be able to say this is because I drank too much tonight, but here it goes. I think I'm attracted to someone I really shouldn't be. I mean...I don't know what she'll think about the whole thing. She's such a good friend. I love the way she makes me feel! She gets me! And seriously Cass, I haven't been sexually attracted to her the entire time I've known her...until recently. All of sudden I just saw her differently and I realized I want to be WITH her! Cass....I think I could be in love with this girl.....Aren't you going to ask who it is?"

"I already know. You're attracted to my sister."

"How do you know that?!?!? I just realized it this morning!"

"Sam, I've been watching you watch her for the past three months. Your face gives you away. Don't play poker by the way...you'd suck."

"Wow. So?? What do you think?"

"Well, I've been dropping hints with her for weeks now and I know without a doubt where she stands."

"Oh. Okay, tell me how bad it is. Truthfully. I'm drunk....it's won't hurt as much."

"Truthfully, she's not interested. She thinks you two are TOO similar and she just doesn't see you that way. She also loves your friendship too much to risk being anything more."

"Oh. I kind of thought so."

"She's also very, very young. You two are at different stages in life. I think you'd be better off looking somewhere else for a relationship."

"Yeah, I guess. I'm really ready to be in a relationship that may not end."

*FAST FORWARD OVER MORE TALKING*

"Look Sam, I don't mind continuing to talk about this but I have GOT to lay down before I fall off my chair."

"Okay. Here. Lay down on the couch."

"Great. So where were we? Oh right, you want to marry my sister. What else do you want to know?"

"Nothing. Actually, I'm done talking about that. Tell me about YOUR life."

*FAST FORWARD*
After talking for over four hours, he's now reclined in the couch and I have my head in his lap so he can scratch my head while we talk. (I know!! FIRE!! Danger, danger Will Robinson! I realize this...trust me.) Suddenly Sam decides to utter THESE words:

"Huh. Maybe I fell for the wrong girl."

At that point he leaned over and kissed me. And we kissed for a good long time. And it was great. And we both really liked it. And it felt right.....totally natural and comfortable.

Then he looked at me and said,

"What the hell am I doing? I'm so sorry. I've got to go. I'll text you tomorrow."

He left after that and we've been texting and acting as if everything is totally cool. We hang out nearly everyday and talk about everything under the sun. He still has feelings for my sister and can't seem to get past them so he's not really interested in pursuing anything. I still have questions about what exactly I'm looking for and what I want right now so I'm not really wanting things to go any further either. For now we're going to throw a table cloth over that elephant in the room and just use it as an end table. Truthfully, that's all either of us have the mental and emotional capacity to do right now.

So where does that leave me??? Well, right here. Blogging. While I wish things had happened a LITTLE differently, I'm okay with just waiting this whole thing out. I think...

I'm A REAL Update

2009-04-23T14:26:00.000-06:00

Well, you know how it goes. Life throws you a curve ball and you duck, fall on the ground, and lay there stunned for a while. Thankfully the curve ball wasn't necessarily BAD just...different.

First off, I am LOVING my job. The first two weeks were a little rough while I settled into the idea of not being as mentally stimulated as I would like to be at my work. When the oldest person you talk to during the day has only begun exploring the concept of complete sentences in the last twenty-four months, your job CAN BE a little under-stimulating! However, I have finally settled in and am now loving my days with those wee ones.

The two-year old is still cracking me up. Just the other day she walked up to me with her finger up her nose and told me, "Cassie! I can't git it out!" And believe it or not, she wasn't talking about her finger! Rather, she was giving me an update on a stubborn booger she had been fishing out for the past hour. Right now I'm just hoping that this job won't permanently kill any desires I may have had for children of my own. I also have a new found respect for stay-at-home Moms!!! (Oh my goodness, I don't think I have the mental strength to do it.) We'll see if that changes when they're my own!

As far as my living situation is concerned, I'm still at home with the parents. And truly hating every minute of it! In fact, just today I had a little power tussle with my Dad when he stuck his head in my door and asked if I was going to, "leave that bed" any time today. "Of course Dad! When I leave at 6:00 tonight to go to small group." was NOT the answer he was looking for apparently. (I happen to get Thursdays and Fridays off from the job. The family hired a part-time girl to work those days.) It makes my parents nuts that on my "weekends" I'd rather just slug around.

HOWEVER!!!! I may have a lead on a possible apartment. The guy my sister nannies with on the other side of town, is looking for a roomie! In fact, his rent would be $100 cheaper than the rent I'm paying here at my parents'. He and I have become fast friends over the past three months and we could totally live with one another and not want to slit our wrists.

There is only ONE huge obstacle to this possible arrangement.
"You're secretly in love with him?" you ask. Nope! Totally platonic.
"He's a total slob?" No way! Neat as a pin.
"Well then he's a total womanizer and you'll have to deal with his revolving front door!" Actually Sam is a perfect gentleman and is between relationships right now.

So what's the problem? He has a cat!!! And while I am nearly perfect in every way, I do happen to have a severe sensitivity to cat dander. Plus...I hate cats; HIS cat in particular! I have been over to his place numerous times and my allergy meds can head off the WORST symptoms (still some eye itchiness) but his cat is an asshole! We have a mutual hate for one another. In fact, the very first time I EVER visited, the cat shit in my shoe!!!! Not joking...little steaming cat turds were in my shoe. It's been all downhill since then. I've tried feeding it, giving it treats, speaking nicely and petting it. All these attempts have been greeted by hissing, scratching, biting and I was sprayed once.

Sam is completely bewildered. Apparently Shithead usually LOVES girls! He has loved every one of Sam's exes and has never acted this hostile ever in his life. Sam adopted this cat as a kitten from the litter Sam's parents' cats had a little over a year ago. Ironically, Sam's parents' cats LOVE me! (We went over there just to test and see if there was any "genetic" linking to the Cassie hatred. There wasn't.) I jokingly asked Sam if he could trade Shithead for one of the Nice cats from his parents and once again I was hissed at and bit....this time it was Sam. So, right now my moving out is in a holding pattern....because of a cat!

Lastly, an update on the love life. For a while there I was having a little fun with a doctor friend of mine from church but I was really only dating him for the free food and to have a standing date on the weekends. He, on the other hand, was looking for something much more serious so we parted ways. I am just not ready to be anyone's girlfriend! (I am enjoying my freedom.)

There was also a change on the Ex-Special Man Friend front. Ever since he and I had called it quits back in October, we promised to remain "just friends". Sexually it was really easy to do because we are zillions of miles apart from one another, but emotionally, you don't just go from lovers to friends in one phone call. We were still talking everyday. He was still the first person I called whenever something big happened in my life and I was still his most trusted sounding board for all that was going on in his life.

So, on April 1, I decided to take a 90-day hiatus from all communication with him. I told him I needed to get my heart back! He was such an enormous part of my life that when he left for Virginia I felt like I was left with only half of myself...and not the good half! He agreed and we haven't spoken since. It has been incredibly weird not to talk to him everyday. For the first couple days I erased hundreds of text messages that I started out of habit. I found falling asleep almost impossible without my nightly tucking in phone call from him. I still shed some tears over the hole that's in my life right now but that hole will naturally fill-in as I continue to fill my life with new friends, new challenges and new adventures.

I have so much to look forward to I find myself getting up in the morning ANTICIPATING the things on the horizon. I am so very blessed (asshole cats and over-bearing parents aside). All in all, I am very much in love with my life right now. Could I imagine myself in a different life with different choices being made and with SMF still in it? Absolutely! Those images are never far from my imagination. But would I WANT that life? I can honestly say, no. And that's the point! I love my life just as it is and I can't wait to see what's in store around the next corner.

So take that, Life! Pitch all the curve balls you want...this girl will ALWAYS get back up to bat.

Life Is Too Nutty For a REAL Update, SO Sorry!

2009-04-18T19:45:00.004-06:00

1) What is your salad dressing of choice?
If it's winter time and I'm looking for something creamy I'm a French/Catalina kinda girl. In the summer it's any sort of vinaigrette that comes my way.

2) What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I love our upscale Japanese place here in town, JMK Nippon.

3) What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?
Anything pasta shaped with marinara.

4) What are your pizza toppings of choice?
All veggies except mushrooms and olives OR pineapple and ham.

5) What do you like to put on your toast?
Butter and jam....Smucker's Strawberry Preserves

6) How many televisions are in your house?
An embarrassing amount actually, 5!! We have a 1:1 ratio of tvs to occupants.

7) What color cell phone do you have?
An all black Razor

8 ) Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right

9) Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Hahahahaha!!!! Tonsils, a couple of cysts, bone spurs/fragments, a gall bladder, a baby, a button from my nose at age 4, and a fishbone from the back of my throat at age 9......and a partridge in a pear tree!

10) What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A four year old.

11) Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Yup; in a horseback riding competition when the horse refused to jump but my body didn't. I woke up flat on my back, staring into the nostrils of my mother, my trainer and two REALLY hot paramedics.

12) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Nope.

14) Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Uh no!

15) How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
Upwards of 12. (Damn you Old Navy and your cheap flippies!)

16) What’s your goal for the year?
Oh lord! Not killing any family members.....and moving out as soon as possible in order to prevent it.

17) Last person you talked to?
The Baby Sis who left for Turks and Caicos today with the family SHE nannies for!!! (I totally picked the wrong family.)

18) Last person you hugged?
A choir member after we finished singing a benefit concert tonight.

19) Favorite Season?
Fall.

20) Favorite Holiday?
My Birthday!!! Just kidding.....Christmas.

21) Favorite day of the week?
Sunday!

22) Favorite Month?
September

23) First place you went this morning?
My job.

24) What’s the last movie you saw in the theater?
Sunshine Cleaning, last night actually! (Totally recommend it!!!)

25) Do you smile often?
ABSOLUTELY!!! It's one of the first things most people comment on.

26) Do you always answer your phone?
Nope! I'm a hard core screener. I owe A LOT of people money. HAHAHAHAHA!!! No, but seriously, I do.

27) It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Oh lord.....do want the list alphabetically or chronologically?

28) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Very light blue.

29) What flavor drink do you get at Sonic?
We have NO Sonics in the near vicinity but if we EVER do get one, I want any one of those icy neon looking things!!! (We still get their commericials which is just cruel!)

30) Have you ever had a pet fish?
Nope....only pets of the four legged furry variety.

31) Favorite Christmas song?
Carol of the Bells by any group that can do it well.

32) What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
A new black cashmere V-neck sweater! Mine FINALLY retired after this past winter.

33) Can you do push ups?
Uh, no.

34) Can you do a chin up?
MAYBE if a pack of ravenous lions were after me but even then I'd still pause to consider which would be more painful.

35) Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Excited....very, very excited.

36) Do you have any saved texts?
NO!!!! I sent and received 6200 last month ALONE!!!! I don't have enough memory to save texts.

37) Ever been in a car wreck?
Yup, a semi-truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and ended up driving OVER my itsy, bitsy Chevy Corsica on the highway. I didn't drive for a YEAR after that!

38) Do you have an accent?
Hard core Chicagoan right here baby!

39) What is the last song to make you cry?
The Hallelujah Chorus at the end of the benefit concert tonight actually!

40) Plans tonight?
No. In fact, I'm falling asleep as I type this.

41) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Absolutely. I'm glad I did it at a VERY young age. I will NEVER go back there again!

42) Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
Sushi, a movie ticket, and a round of beers!

43) Have you ever been given roses?
Multiple times for numerous reasons.

44) Current hate right now?
Hate does HORRENDOUS things to your skin..... not to mention your life expectancy. I avoid it all costs.

45) Met someone who changed your life?
I do so frequently actually.

46) How did you ring in the New Year?
Doing shots with my baby sister.....she turned 21 this year. However, we had to round up that night!

47) What song represents you?
Francesca Battestelli's Free to Be Me.

48) What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
Sitting at Old Chicago chillin' with the crew.

49) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
I should NOT have had that last drink!

Spring Has Sprung.....Though Not Quite As High Because of The Extra Weight

2009-03-22T12:24:00.003-06:00

Today I have officially begun my Spring Cleaning Madness. I am in complete denial that there is still a probability that the Midwest could see snow. I will ignore this fact and proceed full throttle with all things Spring. (I am even tempting the weather gods further by buying a new Easter dress!)

Today will be spent swapping out my winter bedding (good riddance fleece blanket and flannel sheets) for my pretty cotton sheets and then it will be time to reorganize the closet and reset the configuration for the spring wardrobe.

Yesterday I spent the day trying on and washing the spring duds. And let me just say that the 'trying on' part was VERY trying! It has been a looooooooooooooooooong winter. I shudder to think that I have managed to plump up one whole size since the last time I wore my favorite floral skirt! I think the frigid temperatures along with the termination of my relationship with Special Man Friend resulted in my doubling the carb loading efforts this winter.

So starting today, I'm eating HEALTHIER. I think that has been my main problem lately.....well, and also quantity. My biggest downfall so far has been the temptation to finish what the kids are leaving behind everyday for lunch! I also have myself so tightly scheduled in the evenings, I convince myself that the only way I'll be able to eat is if I eat fast food. I just have to re-discipline myself about using my time more wisely in the evenings so I can manage a healthy meal AND still get the things done that I have planned. I will also be getting into an exercise routine. A friend from church also wants to get in shape and she and I have created a work-out plan that we're going to accomplish together.

It's not so much that I think I'm FAT, it's just that lately I've been thinking more about my body being a temple. We only get one body in this life and I have not been taking care of mine lately!! Also, while I am not on the market right now, I will someday want new worshipers at this temple...if you catch my drift. So right now I'm hanging a "Please Excuse Our Dust While We Remodel" sign and the maintenance crew and I are gonna do some SERIOUS overhaulin'!

The New Job.

2009-03-09T18:10:00.003-06:00

Well, things at the job have been going quite well. The family I am working for is great. I'm watching the kids of two sisters. Three total kids all 4 and under. If the wackadoo sister-in-law brings over her two it suddenly jumps to FIVE kids all 4 and under!!!!! That's when things get REALLY nuts.

Of course I know I'm not supposed to, but I have a favorite!! The two year old melts my heart. Curly Sue is precious beyond belief and super smart.

Here are some of my favorite moments with her:

On a walk with all the kids:
Curly Sue (holding my hand): Cassie, why do you do that to your sleeves?
Cassie (pushing my sleeves up to my elbow): I don't know. I just don't like them down by my hands.
Curly Sue: You're so silly! Wear clothes with short sleeves! I have a Princess shirt with short sleeves. You want it?

In the living room:
Curly Sue (handing me my cell phone): CASSIE!!! I FOUND YOUR PHONE AGAIN!!! Why do you keep dropping it?
Cassie: I don't drop it, it falls out of the pocket on my jeans.
Curly Sue: Oh. Well, here. (shoves phone down my shirt) Now it won't fall out.

Those are only my favorites from TODAY! I'll be sure to keep you all updated. This kid is going to make GREAT blog fodder.

The Recap

2009-02-27T16:15:00.003-06:00

So! I went on a date last night with That Guy From Church. He's super sweet, fresh outta the military and funny as hell!

That Guy has to be the MOST interesting person I've met in a long time. He took me to a swanky local eatery where we had the Chef's Tasting menu!! DELISH! Then it was off to Cirque where I just sat with my mouth open the entire time. They were AMAZING! That Guy really worked his ass off on this date (not to mention dropping some SERIOUS bank...but I try not to judge on that alone). Every door was opened for me and he pulled out my chair. He even stood when I left the table to use the Ladies Room!!!!

Final Thoughts:

1) It was really, Really, REALLY good! Dinner, conversation, company, show.....all good!

2) I got a good-night kiss!!

3) The guy's hooked! I had an email this morning and he called me on his lunch break to find out what I was doing next weekend. MWAHAHAHAHAHA! He's completely gaga.

Dating is so much fun! How could I have forgotten??? It's nice to know that even after 3 years of being off the market, I still got game! ;-) HA!

However, I have decided that I'm not looking for ANYTHING long-term right now. I want to date around and see what's out there. Some dinners, a few movies and maybe theater tickets are the only things I'm ready to commit to right now. If this guy's lookin' for a MRS. he's barkin' up the wrong tree. I'm just going to ride this out and see where things go.

Coming up this weekend? Tonight I'm taking the Little Bro to a Family Night event at my church. Tomorrow I'm going to his All-City Lutheran Church League CHAMPIONSHIP basketball game and then havin' a movie night with Baby Sis. Sunday is traditionally Forced Family Fun Day, so who knows what torture awaits?! Then come Monday it's off to my latest and greatest adventure.....FULL-TIME NANNY!!!

Later Taters! Have a wonderful weekend.

The One With All The Dates

2009-02-25T15:30:00.000-06:00

Date Scenario #1:

Monday found me walking around the mall with my good girlfriend, Blondie, from church. While we're meandering through Macy's, Blondie's cell phone rings. I assume it's her Dr. Fiance making sure she's not spending his ENTIRE year's salary so I wander further away. All of a sudden I hear her giving out MY cell phone number. I rush over trying to get a sense for why she's giving out my number to her fiance but she's just hanging up when I get to her.

Cass: WTF, mate?
Blondie: That was Dr. Fiance. He needed your cell phone number b/c A Guy from Church wanted it.
Cass: Interesting!!

Fast forward about 35 minutes. My cell phone starts ringing and it's a number I don't recognize. Blondie checks my caller ID and tells me to go ahead and answer it.

Cass: Hello?
That Guy from Church: Hey, Cass? This is That Guy.
Cass: Hey. What's up?
That Guy: Not a whole lot but I just bought these two tickets for Cirque du Soleil on Thursday. I was hoping you'd be my date.
Cass: *stunned silence*
That Guy: Hello?
Cass: Yup, yeah, uhhhhh. Yeah, that would be great!
That Guy: Great! I'll pick you up at quarter to six so we can get some dinner before the show.
Cass: Okay! Sure! Yeah! See you then!
That Guy: Okay, bye.

Needless to say, Blondie made fun of the face I made after he asked me for about 45 minutes. She described it as "ecstatic horror"!

Date Scenario #2: This is the one that confuses me. I mean, it's not REALLY a date, right?

It's Sunday after church and The Crew is trying to figure out where we wanna go for lunch.

Cass: I'm not picky as long as it's cheap! I'm broke and I don't wanna borrow cash....again.
Blondie: Let's do Steak and Shake then. You can just order a Coke and we'll get fries for the table for you to nibble on.
Cass: Sounds good to me. I'll be in charge of organizing who's going in which car. Just let me know who all is going.

*Move to other side of room where Dr. Fiance is chattin' with some of the guys from The Crew*
**And this part of the convo is sort of made up....I wasn't really there to hear it but Blondie filled me in on the details later**

Dr. Fiance: So, Dr. #2 are you going with us to lunch?
Dr. #2: No. I feel like crap. I think it's a sinus infection.
Dr. Fiance: That's fine we're not really going anywhere fancy; just Steak and Shake on Main St. You could just stop by for a little bit if you want. Let Cass know if you wanna carpool.
Dr. #2: Cass is going? I guess I could bop in for a bit.

*Fast forward to lunch* Dr. #2 has seated himself across from me and is monopolizing all of my attention....not that I was complaining! He's REALLY cute.

Dr. #2: Cass, aren't you going to order lunch?
Cass: No, just a Coke and I'll munch on the fries for the table.
Dr. #2: That's ridiculous! Just order something. I've got it.
Cass: No, really. It's okay. I'm fine.
Dr. #2: Seriously, my treat! Get whatever you want.
Cass: Well, if you're sure. Fine.

Lunch is great and Dr. #2 and I spend the rest of the time getting to know one another. However...

Cass: Why aren't you eating??
Dr.#2: To be honest, I feel like crap. I have a horrible head cold and everything just takes like paper.
Cass: Awww! I hate that! If you feel so bad why don't you head out.
Dr. #2: No, that's alright. I'll leave when the group does.

Lunch and conversations continue. But poor Dr.#2 starts to look just awful! His eyes are watering and I can tell his sinuses are killing him. Finally, The Crew wraps up and we all head to the register.

Dr. #2 pays for his lunch and mine. I thank him profusely. He tells me it's not a problem and that he looks forward to seeing me on Thursday night for small group.

Later that evening on the phone, Blondie fills in the missing details about how Dr. #2 wasn't really going to show up until he heard that I was going to be there.

INTERESTING!!!! Could this be the quiet, underwhelming beginning to a parade?!?!?!?

Ten Things Tuesday

2009-02-24T13:53:00.002-06:00

Things I Have Discovered/REdiscovered About Myself Since Breaking Up with SMF

1) I love being out with people. Special Man Friend was a hardcore homebody! In the three years we were dating I completely forgot what it was like to go out and socialize in groups of people. I totally lost touch with some long-time friends but they have since forgiven me for ditching them for a guy and we're all caught back up and havin' a gay ole time together.

2) I am obsessed with Lady Gaga's album! ("Just Dance" is on REPEAT on my iTunes....as I type!) Due to the fact that he was a church musician, SMF was not totally up to date with the latest tunes hittin' the radiowaves. I realized he and I were doomed when I was condemned for rocking out to Britney's "Womanizer" vid when she was making her comeback last year! HE MADE ME GIVE UP ON BRIT!!!!! Obviously he HAD to go.

3) While I'm not a hardcore partier by any stretch of the imagination, occasionally I do like to head out with the (newly legal!) Baby Sis and have a Penis-Free good time at some local establishments. SMF was so staunchly against barhopping of any kind, I promptly became a born-again tea-totaler when we started dating. I knew what I was giving up beforehand; he made it very clear on date #1. And with my struggles with alcohol BARELY behind me, I figured the sacrifice was more than appropriate. But now that I have the self-respect to have self-control, I find going out with Baby Sis is really notta problem.

4) I get exactly what I want. While SMF whined, cried, begged, pouted, pestered and withheld sex, all in an attempt to "teach me a lesson", I still somehow managed to get exactly what I wanted. Half of the time it was because SMF realized that he was just being ridiculous and doing those things merely to annoy me. The other half of the time I just put my mind to it and persevered. The EXACT car I wanted??? Bought it for cash. My engraved iPod? Picked up a couple extra baby-sitting gigs and paid cash. The classic Tiffany toggle bracelet? Cash. So while I may have expensive tastes, I get exactly what I want. (And if I happen to be dating a guy who's willing to buy those things???? YAY!)

5) I have worked harder than I have ever before in my life and loved it! After SMF called it quits and before I found myself forcibly unemployed, I had a job I LOVED!!!! It was a position that came out of the blue and I stepped into it scared shitless that I was going to muck it up horribly! I worked harder at that job than I had EVER worked in my life. I worked 52+ hours a week and woke every morning itching to get back on the clock! Before that I had been so focused on "building a life" with SMF that I would have NEVER considered taking the position because of all the time and energy it would have taken from our relationship. I shudder to think...

6)I'm still worried that I'm not going to find THE ONE. However, it's no longer something that consumes my every thought. I was so worried, when SMF and I were dating and seriously discussing marriage, that I had somehow managed to miss my one true love. (I guess that should have been a HUGE hint that I wasn't ready to settle down.)

7) I am not as emotionally secure as I once felt I was. (Please forgive the bad grammar in the previous statement. In the Chi-town area, ending a sentence with a preposition is TOTALLY kosher....just roll with it!) My self-confidence and sense of security were greatly shaken when SMF announced that we should "really think about where we're headed as a couple". I can't say that it was TOTALLY out of the blue but I had done an effing good job of suppressing any inklings of doubt in our relationship.

8) I didn't realize how much I missed RAISINS!!! Their wrinkly little presences were forbidden to even cross the threshold of SMF's apartment. Oatmeal raisin cookies? No! Raisin Bran? Get the fuck out! Now that I have those little suckers back in my life, I am more thrilled (and regular) than I have been for the last three years.

9) I like screening my calls. During our relationship, if I ever missed his call (aka I ignored it b/c I was too wrapped up in my CSI/Will & Grace/Chelsea Lately episode) SMF would FREAK THE FUCK OUT! The boy acted like being forced to leave a voicemail was the highest form of degradation a person could ever be subjected to. Now when my cell rings I take great pleasure in making the caller leave a voicemail.....just because I can! I particularly love making SMF leave a voicemail when he's calling to "check-in and see how things are going" (aka brag about how much sex he's having with his newest love interest).

10) I don't need a guy in my life to feel fulfilled as a woman. I wish I felt this way 24/7/365, but I'm not there yet. I would say I'm at 22/6.5/300. I am building myself up slowly but surely. To help my effort, I've decided to keep a copy of this Ten Things list on paper in my purse and every time I'm out and think of something that fits this category, I am going to jot it down. No matter how insignificant the item may seem, every time I recognize something, I want myself to see how well off I really am!

I'm Finally Employed!

2009-02-23T16:53:00.003-06:00

I just found out about an hour ago that I am newly employed! I am going to be the full-time live-out nanny for a wonderful family here in town. The hours are consistent and I'll have nights and weekends off!!! I really couldn't ask for a better gig. The family is totally cool with me starting classes in the fall. I was going to start this summer but the family owns their own string of garden stores so this summer will be a little nutty in regards to starting classes.

I'm totally stoked! I loved my summer gig as a live-in nanny and I look forward to helping another family grow. The kids are 4, 4, and 3 so I'm sure I will have plenty of wacky stories to share.

P.S. I think I went on a date yesterday. More on that later and why there could be confusion. ;-) LIFE IS LOOKIN' UP AGAIN FOLKS!!!

2009-02-18T11:54:00.003-06:00

Thanks for the link Mrs. Chili! Go on, you do it too! Everyone else did!!!

Now I just need to figure out if I avenge purity or if I just purely avenge wrongs! HA.

And something tells me if my rack REALLY looked like that I would have NO PROBLEM getting the Hottie Parade started.

Season Two, Episode 1

2009-02-17T15:44:00.004-06:00

So how did SMF and I finally end it??? Not easily that's for sure! (But when are those things ever EASY?!??!?)

So, for entertainment's sake I'm going to provide a timeline that should vaguely recreate my Achy Breaky Heart's Journey to Healing....sort of.

Day 1: Sob. Sob sob sob. Google "nooses" and "proper method of tying."

Day 2: SOB SOB SOB OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO DIE. BABY SIS, TIE ME A NOOSE.

Day 3 - Day 10: Etc.

Day 11: Um, fuck this. Kind of. But, additionally: SOB.

Day 12: Ooo, love those shoes! You know, mourning is...boring, a little. Hmm.

Day 13: Actually? Fuck this hard. No more mourning! I am buying me some lady shoes!

Day 14: NO SERIOUSLY. YOU GUYS, KNOW WHAT. I HAVE MADE A COMMAND DECISION HERE. NO MORE MOURNING. I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

Day 15: YEAH.

Day 16-18: Yeeeaaaah.

(sob.)

Day 19: NO THAT IS RIGHT. FUCK THIS AGAIN. I hereby decide that from now on, ALL I WANT is to be happy. It is time for a shift in perspective! Shift shift shift! I am going to just be happy, with a minimum of sobbing, and a maximum of new shoes. HA. That is called "having goals."

Day 20: Here I am, minding my own business and enjoying my newly shifted perspective! Vegging while reading emails when I come across an email from SMF. Sobbing ensues.

Day 21: What does he MEAN he MIGHT have made a mistake?!?!?!? What a #$@#%!! Baby Sis, come here and help me write an email response that doesn't make me sound clingy and sobby.

Day 21, Part II: OMG!!! Baby Sis, he responded!! Quick! Open it....tell me what it says. Hang on! Don't! But maybe...yes, go ahead. Wait! We have Ben & Jerry's right?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE SAID IT WAS A DRUNK EMAIL?!?!?!?!? Who does that??!?!?!? SOB!

Day 22 - Day 28: ((insert regression here)) Oh, and...SOB!

Day 29 - Day 40: Alright! Here we are, Baby Sis! At the gym! Executing plan "Fuck You SMF! Look, I'm Still Hot! And I'll Prove It When I Shed These 10 Extra Ben & Jerry's Pounds!"

Day 41 - 50: Okay, enough with the gym. I'm moving on! Let the shoe shopping and the parade of hot successful men beating down my door commence!

So here I am, Day Eleventy Billion, still waiting for the Hot Parade to start. Although, I'm not really all that enthusiastic to hit the dating scene.

I'm finally enjoying singledom!!! For the first time in FIVE years I do NOT have to worry about someone else's feelings or needs!! I can go to bed without having a long, drawn out tucking in phone call. I can disappear to the Library for hours on end (did I mention I'm unemployed again?) and have no one pester me with text messages. I love that when I DO occasionally make eyes at the hottie behind the S*Bux counter I don't have to feel guilty. And when a guy at the local brewery tells me I have a cute smile, I can flirt shamelessly and ENJOY IT!

As far as blogging is concerned, I think it took me so long to make it back here because I had lived a certain life here for all of you and somehow I thought it was going to be different without SMF in it. Like, I wouldn't have anything funny or valuable to write about without him in my life.

And all of my stewing and self-examination had finally shown me that was how I had been LIVING my life as well! My self-worth had slowly been determined by how much he cared about me. And that is never a good place to be. So, things had to change....and boy did they!

So now, I live in IL and SMF has moved out to Norfolk, VA. Things ended on good terms and for no REAL reason other than the fact that both of us were looking for different things. We were perfect for one another during a very specific time in our lives. And now, we were no longer those same people....in fact, we were hindering each other's personal growth. We decided that we both wanted the other person to be happier than we were and therefore we both needed to go our separate ways in search of that happiness.

And now I'm back to living my life how I see fit. Everyday things seem a little brighter and my future is not so uncertain. I have plans to start at the local community college in the summer and I want to finish my degree in 18 months.

Things have certainly changed a lot since the last time we tuned in but I believe Season 2 is going to be infinitely better than last season. New plot lines, new characters and OF COURSE the ensuing drama when I finally DO decide to pursue the hotties.

Check ya later friends,
~Cass

2009-02-13T23:41:00.002-06:00

It seems that I can only find the motivation to write when I am in some sort of crisis. I wish this weren't the case but seeing how it is....I'm writing again.

Let's see where I've ended up:

1) I am living full-time here in Rockford, IL. (More on what I'm doing with my time later.)

2) Special Man Friend is now an ex....as of October 13. (Happy Birthday to him!! LOL!)

3) I am jobless once again!!!

4) I'm going back to school to finish my degree (or die tryin)!

Those seem to be the biggest four issues in my life right now. I'm sure long-winded and rambling details will follow sometime in the near future.

P.S. SMF has started dated again!!!!!!!!!!! I, on the other hand, haven't been asked out ONCE yet! The ego is mildly bruised (as you can imagine).

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY TO SPECIAL MAN FRIEND!!

2007-10-17T14:44:00.001-06:00

Happy Birthday to Special Man Friend!!!

I would just like to say: IT WASN'T ME!!!! I was not the one who decorated your office with Over the Hill decorations and replaced your desk chair with a wheel chair!!!!!!! IT WASN'T ME!!! It was me AND your co-workers!!! So stop giving me The Look. Besides.....yer getting beer tonight.

Awwww!!! Look at that face! There's no WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY he can be 30, right?!?!?!?!?!?

Yup.....he's 30 alright. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! (With my bra on his head....which reminds me, TECHNICALLY he was 29 in this pic, but whatev!)

We're Kind of a Riot

2007-10-10T22:46:00.000-06:00

Special Man Friend: So, how's the job hunt going?

Me: Still nothing! I'm getting so frustrated.

SMF: Something will turn up. Are you sure you've tried every avenue that uses your talents?

Me: Yup. Retail, clerical, entry-level management....I've hit them all. I think I should hit up the government for money. I'm sure there's some sort of Welfare for Girls Who Are Too Cute to Have to Work.

SMF: Well you are pretty cute, but I don't think that's gonna get you far when it comes to paying your bills.

Me: Hmmmmm.....I haven't tried THAT angle yet, what industry pays you for being cute?

SMF: I believe they call it stripping.

Me: Huh. I wonder if they list that on CareerBuilder or Monster?

PS: They don't.

Lordy!

2007-10-04T17:40:00.000-06:00

Why, I DO declare!! It has been WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too long since my last update. For those of you dying to know (or those of you who are procrastinating at work), life has been moving pretty quickly lately.

1) I have moved to Rockford, IL to live my father and his family. This has been a tremendous blessing in disguise seeing as I was not expecting so much support and concern for my well-being. (More on that at a later date....possibly, or you may just have to trust me without an explanation.)

2) I am currently in the process of trying to find a FULL-TIME job in retail. (I know, I should just keep dreamin' and get a REAL job for crying out loud.) I was bitten by the Retail Bug six years ago and it has taken me this long to realize that retail is just what I do best! Not school, not administrative stuff, RETAIL! So, I'm attempting to take the next step in my career by being hired on as an assistant manager.... somewhere.... anywhere.... PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY WOULD SOMEONE JUST HIRE ME???? Ann Taylor? Chico's??? KMart?!?!?! Bueller? Bueller?

3) One of the many ripples I am dealing with from moving out here is that I no longer am able to get to church on a regular basis. So this leaves me stranded in Rockford without face-to-face contact with my friends, boyfriend and church family. It blows goats, yo!! However, as soon as I get a job I will have a car to use and will therefore be going to church regularly (when I'm not required to work). Le sigh....

4) Distance and lack of "date" opportunities have resulted in Special Man Friend and I becoming rather cranky and snippy with one another. I wouldn't say things are TURBULENT, we're just edgy and anxious. Currently we are both in a state of limbo regarding some big things in our lives but once the last couple pieces fall into place, we will be able to start seeing one another more regularly and that will help with the grumpiness. Until then.....we're both pretty lucky there ARE so many miles between the two of us. I'm relatively certain one of us would be dead by now if we lived in the same zip code.....and boy would I miss him.

5) Will I EVER go back to school???? More than likely. Do I have an exact idea of how much time I plan on taking off before I go back? Not at all. Am I even remotely concerned with that aspect of my life right at this very moment? Nope....and that's okay. I know that I will one day go back to school because in order to get where I want to go in my career, I will need a degree. (Yup, even in RETAIL they expect it. LOL!) However I feel no need to jump back into the school routine right at this moment. Things are fine as is, and I'm content to leave them that way for the time being.

6) I am a broke freakin' joke right now! Last week I had eleven dollars in my bank account but had to spend ten of them on Time of The Month Products. (Lame!) This depressing detail has resulted in my father trying to cheer me up.....constantly.....with wine. The man is determined to turn me into a wine connoseur by the time I'm thirty. Bless my dad's little heart though, he and I will bust open a bottle of wine, pop up some Orville Redenbacher and sit till the wee hours of the morning solving all the problems of the world. He's a wonderful guy and I am truly blessed to have this opportunity to make up for lost time with him. (Although I will admit I haven't gone to bed drunk this many consecutive nights ever before in my life...AND I WAS A SORORITY GIRL!)

I think that just about covers everything. I'm now living in a new city, with new people, a new outlook on life, and a new appreiciation for fermented grapes. Judging by that, I'd say things are splendid!

And now if you'll excuse me, I have a hot date with the classifieds. Fantastic!

My Lame Excuse of An Update

2007-07-30T20:25:00.000-06:00

THE INTERNAL WORKINGS OF THE SASS’S BRAIN

Left Brain of Cassie Blaine: Holy potatoes!!! I can’t believe how long it has been since I updated all of my readers regarding my life. I must do that! I must write something NOW NOW NOW.

Right Brain of Cassie Blaine: Oh, hush, mister practical. You know you can’t force the creative process. Just calm down, and soon, we will hear the sweet song of the muse! She will give us our subject, and then she will take us by the hand, and lead us down a path lined with butterflies and ice cream cones.

Left Brain: …Ooookay. Except we don’t have hands.

Right Brain: I am speaking figuratively, Left Brain. You need to think outside the box.

Left Brain: Or, you know, I could ignore your irritating box-talk, and just write something already--which is what I am going to do. I am putting it on my To-Do List right now. See? It is going right here under "Find Full-Time Job Because We Are Not Attending School in the Fall". Let's see....we'll follow that with “Find Apartment in New East Coast Location We Are Moving To" And to round it out, we'll add "Do Laundry or Tomorrow You Have to RECYCLE Your Underwear".

Right Brain: But if you just write any old thing in a blog it won't be sparkly! We shouldn't write now. I think we should sing a song, and then make potholders covered in unicorn glitter.

Left brain: Oh, for the love of GOD, woman, this is a blog. After all this time, it doesn’t need to be beautiful...it just needs to be “not blank.” That is really the only requirement for today: “Not blank.”

Right Brain: You know, when you say things like that, a fairy dies. She just falls down dead.

Left Brain: No fairies die…

Right Brain: FALLS DOWN DEAD--SPLAT. Like that. Because of you.

Left Brain: *Sigh* Oh, we should also get some lunch. I have those healthy leftovers from dinner the other day…

Right Brain: COOKIE DOUGH.

Left Brain: Or the cafeteria has a spectacular salad ba---

Right Brain: COOKIE DOUGH! COOKIE DOUGH! COOKIE DOUGH!

Left Brain: Holy potatoes, FINE! We will have COOKIE DOUGH for lunch.

Right Brain: (and potato chips.)

Left Brain: AND POTATO CHIPS. Okay. Then we work.

Right Brain: Noooo, then we daydream!

Left Brain: We don’t have time to daydream. We have to write! Write, write, write.

Right Brain: Hey! Lefty! Check out that hot guy over there!!! WOW!

Left Brain: WHERE?!?

Right Brain: Made you look! You know what? Sometimes I wish I were Queen of the World. Then they would bring me all hot male actors on big platters. I could have a buffet of glistening man-entrees! Why doesn’t anyone ever bring me a man on a plate? I’ve been good!

Left Brain: I…what in the world are you talking about?

Right Brain: Do you think Santa could bring me men on plates?

Left Brain: No. I don’t. And we have to blog now. We should blog about…

Right Brain: Men on plates! And Santa.

Left Brain: NO. Let’s write about how much work we’ve been doing while being a live-in nanny this---

Right Brain: Oh, snore. We are NOT going to piss and moan about our workload. That's so boring, plus you do that all the time.

Left Brain: Well, all you’ve come up with is “Men on Plates” and "cookie dough with potato chips for lunch".

Right Brain: And Santa!

Left Brain: Yes. Exactly. Let us not forget Santa. You are making my point for me, thank you.

Right Brain: Hey, Captain Boring! Wanna know what I really like? That song from Friends.

Left Brain: No, you don’t.

Right Brain: Oh, indeed I DO. And I shall start singing it right now, until you agree to not blog about how busy you are.

Left Brain: Oh, please…please, don’t do that.

Right Brain: So no one told you life was gonna be this way CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!

Left Brain: La, la, la, la! I can't hear you!!!!!

Right Brain: Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Left Brain: JESUS, MARY AND JOSPEH! Will you PLEASE SHUT UP?!?

Right Brain: (humming).

Left Brain: Great, thank you.Now I’m singing it. I wonder if it is possible to plan a stroke. To plan a stroke that only affects the RIGHT SIDE OF ONE’S BRAIN.

Right Brain: Oh, let’s not fight. Let’s cuddle.

Left Brain: I don’t WANT to cuddle. I WANT to update the blog, find a full-time job, find a place to live, baby-sit the kids and then do some laundry.... OF MY OWN!

Right Brain: Oooo! Oooo! Maybe if we go to SMF's apartment he'll do our laundry...dressed only in his boxers! That could be fun!

Left Brain: Ugh. NO! I have things to do.....but I DO need to do laundry. Plus, we'd get to cross something off the To-Do List. You know how much I like doing that...

Right Brain: Exactly!!! Then after the shower we can have him get on a big platter and....

Left Brain: STOP IT!!!! I'm not going to his place. We have WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much to do. We certainly do not have time to daydream about SMF on a platter....

Right Brain: Fine, be that way. How 'bout we just go over there and canoodle with SMF?

Left Brain: …well, he does need some canoodling.

Right Brain: And he’s just sitting there all snuggly, wuggly looking....

Left Brain: I HATE YOU.

Right Brain: Do not. I sparkle!

Left Brain: (sob.)

Right Brain: Oh, come on now! Come on, what do you want to do? Do you want to update the blog? Will that make you happy?

Left Brain: No.

Right Brain: Do you want to daydream about men on platters?

Left Brain: NO!

Right Brain: Okay, okay. Do you want to play solitaire?

Left Brain: I…sort of.

Right Brain: Well, okay! THERE WE GO, LITTLE CAMPER. You go play some solitaire, with all that logical, deductive reasoning of yours.

Left Brain: (sniff). Okay. What are you going to do?

Right Brain: Think about Josh Hartnett on a really big platter......doing my laundry in his boxers.

Left Brain: Is that all?

Right Brain: Well, how 'bout I update the blog too?

Left Brain: But…you? Nobody will ever come back! If you write it, they’ll see the innermost workings of Cassie’s brain, and they’ll all run away, screaming.

Right Brain: Oh, hush. It’s better than blank, right?

Left Brain: I mean…yeah. Okay, you’re right. Just…

Right Brain: Yeah?

Left Brain: Promise not to mention the men on platters.

2007-05-29T06:58:00.000-06:00

Due to the last entry, SMF believes that he and I use the word “Babe” too much. However I pointed out that although the word may be spelled the same and pronounced the same, it is a TOTALLY different word almost every time we us it.

Such as:

“Babe.” = “Look, I’ll explain this only one more time…” Mainly used by SMF and usually happens afer….

“Ummm…babe?” = “Ummmm…I’m about to ask you something and I might end up looking like Jessica Simpson and her Chicken of the Sea moment, please don’t laugh so hard that you cause injury.” (I use this one more often than I care to admit)

“Babe!” = “If you don’t knock that off right now, I’m going to deck you.” (used by me when SMF decides to work on his NFL tackling skills or used by SMF when I decide to ‘clean out his clogged pores’.)

“Hey Babe.” = Our typical phone greeting

“BABE!” = “No, you don’t look fat. Yes, those shoes match. Yes, yer hair looks great. Yes, I love that dress. Now can we PLEASE, for the love of all things holy, walk out the door so I don’t start eating my own arm?!?” (Look, it’s not MY problem that I want to look good for him! Yeesh.)

“Babe…” = “You exasperate me. You and yer annoying habits irritate the pants off of me. (“No! Not like that! Get off of me!”) Remind me again why we’re dating?” (Used by both of us)

“Baby?????” = “Please, oh please, oh please buy me this!!!!” (Used only by me. Although when SMF hears the ‘Y’ at the end, he suddenly is unable to understand the English language. Jerk.)

“Hey, Babe?” = “Hey, yer closer to whatever it is I’m about to ask you for and I’m too lazy to get up and get it myself.” (Used by both of us, usually when we’re in the throes of a TV induced, comatose state.)

“Awww, babe…” = “Well, shit. I didn’t mean to make you cry! I was just being a testosterone poisoned ass because it’s a day that ends in ‘Y’! I can’t help it!! It just happens. PLEASE DON’T STOP HAVING SEX WITH ME!” (Take a wild guess on who uses this one…)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATED TO INCLUDE THIS PSA FROM A CERTAIN SPECIAL MAN FRIEND!!

Alright, folks??? Want to know the SITUATIONS that happen to surround the “Baby?????” usage?

Read these two PRIME examples....then tell me I'm a jerk. (Keep in mind that this is the girl that wants a total of 14 people in our wedding party!!! I'm trying to save money here.)

1) We were at the mall and I got distracted by the Sharper Image displays. I let her out of my sight for ONE SECOND!! (I know! I know! Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.) Next thing I know she's in a jewelry store with a TEN THOUSAND DOLLAR DIAMOND on her finger. She's standing there looking all cute, showin' off her clevage and battin' her eyelashes sayin, “Baby?????” Um, yeah. In that case, NO HABLO INGLES!

2) We're leaving the movie theater and heading towards my car. Suddenly she darts out of my reach and she's standing next to a little red Miata doing the “Baby?????” routine. My only response was to start chattin up the blonde who getting into her car and wouldn't you know it??? Suddenly Cass materializes next to my arm and is murderously quiet while I finish my conversation with the blonde regarding her windshield wipers.

Okay....let it rip. I'm a big jerk.

The One with the Text Messages

2007-05-21T01:43:00.000-06:00

Okay, so remember way back when....I mentioned something about SMF and I working on something hilarious. And then it never came? Remember?

Well here it is. Special Man Friend and I spent countless hours reconstructing ACTUAL text message/IM conversations we have had in the last month.

So, as usual, please remember that these conversations ACTUALLY happened. You know what's even better??? These are TEXT MESSAGES people!!! Texting. Over phones. From different locations. (You'll quickly see why we need "Unlimited Text Messages" on every cellular plan.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ME: HI BABY! HI! HI! IT’S MORNING AND I’M TOTALLY STOKED TO SEE YOU!!! HOW WAS THE BACHELOR PARTY??? DID YOU SEE LOTS OF TITTIES?!?!?!?
SMF: why? why? please stop. with the caps. and the exclamation points. why? why so much screaming? i’m so hungover.
ME: Sucks to be you…on so many levels.
SMF: i heard that. (and thanks for not screaming.)

SMF: Wakey wakey baby.
SMF: C’mon sweetie, you need to get up now.
SMF: Babe. Answer me. At least let me know you’re alive.
SMF: Okay, I have now called your cell AND your landline! What’s going on?! Why aren’t you answering me???
SMF: BABE!!! I’M NOT KIDDING! YOU BETTER CALL ME OR I WILL SERIOUSLY CALL 911.
ME: Oh, sorry babe. I was out to breakfast with Mom and I had my phone off. Sorry. Tee hee?!
SMF: babe, yer slowly killing me.

ME: What does ‘Fo Shizzle my Nizzle’ mean?
SMF: HAHAHAHAHA!!!! ‘For Sure my N*gger’
ME: WHAT?!?!?!?!? Why haven’t you ever told me this?!?!?!?
SMF: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Yer kidding, right?
ME: NO!!! I have been going around spewing racial slurs?!?!?!?! Are you kidding me??? Please tell me yer kidding.
SMF: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
ME: Oh dear god…I COULD HAVE BEEN SHOT!!!
SMF: When were you ANYWHERE that you were in danger of being shot?
ME: I’m just saying!!! You knew and you didn’t tell me?!? Ugh…how long have people been laughing at me???
SMF: For that?? No idea. Laughing at you on general principle??? Probably your entire life I would guess.
ME: i hate you.

ME: You better have Oreos with you when you get here or I may just have to kill you.
SMF: No “Please”? A "Thank You" maybe? Shoot, I’d settle for that sentence in the form of a question at this point.
ME: Babe…would you please bring your PMS-y girlfriend Oreos so she doesn’t eat your face off in a psychotic hormonal rage?
SMF: In that case…Double Stuff or Regular? How bout one of each?

ME: Where are you?!?!? I’ve been waiting at your place for 15 minutes!
SMF: Sorry. I needed TP for my bunghole. ;-)
ME: Oh SICK!!!! Jesus can HEAR you, ya know!!!
SMF: Yeah, He heard it the moment I thought it. So???
ME: Well, you already made Jesus cry! Why subject ME to your sick and twisted mind too?!?!?!
SMF: Just making sure you still want to get married someday.

SMF: Babe, if we were married and I went to a whore house to get a striptease and a sensual massage, would that be cheating?
ME: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (That was me until you apparently went F-ING RETARDED!)
SMF: Seriously, is that cheating? (Holy crap! She’s massaging him with her bare boobs!!!)
ME: babe, it’s 3AM…are you serious?
SMF: Yeah! Is THAT part of marriage?? Cuz if yes, get yer ass up! We’re going to Vegas!
ME: No. That’s cheating. What the hell are you doing over there anyway?
SMF: Watching a documentary.
ME: Babe, for the LAST TIME…pornography = NOT documentary!!!
SMF: It’s HBO! Of COURSE it’s a documentary!
ME: Phone = Off! Bye!

ME: It’s possible that I could be sitting here listening to Britney Spears’ “(You Drive Me) Crazy”….willingly….and liking it.
SMF: And it’s possible that I could be sitting here getting a lap dance from a big tittied blonde….willingly….and liking it.
ME: HEY! Only ONE of those activities would result in you being single!
SMF: You sure about that????

SMF: How’s the paper coming? You still awake?
ME: please kill me.
SMF: You CLOSE to being done?
ME: I think I’m closer to my 30th birthday.
SMF: Okay, well I’m going to support you in my sleep. Try and finish soon, okay?
ME: wimp.

ME: Hey babe, what does ‘tig ol’ bitties’ mean?
SMF: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
ME: What?!?!?! Just tell me.
SMF: It’s rappers switching letters around so they can say ‘big ol’ titties’ on the radio.
ME: SHUT UP!!! Really???
SMF: HAHAHAHAHA!!! Why do you think I got so upset when that guy at the bar told you you had nice TIGS?
ME: I don’t know!!! I thought he said ‘eyes’. It was loud in there and I thought you were being your testosterone poisoned self!
SMF: HAHAHAHA!!!! What rock do you LIVE under anyway?
ME: The ‘White Suburbanite’ one apparently!
SMF: You are no longer allowed to listen to rap unsupervised.

ME: Yer butt looks hot when you do that. ;-)
SMF: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You wouldn’t be saying that if you were actually here.
ME: ??????
SMF: I’m taking a dump.
ME: EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! My mental eyeballs are scarred for life!!!! Sick.

SMF: Whatcha up to Dingle?
ME: Shoppin’ with Da Gurls!
SMF: My apologies to the mall employees!
ME: Hush yer face! We’re having some lunch to recharge our batteries for bra shopping.
SMF: HOLD UP! How come when you and I go shopping you only ever need to buy tampons or Q-tips?
ME: I don’t know. You’ve never mentioned wanting to go underwear shopping.
SMF: Babe. You have boobs. Boobs need bras. I like boobs. I particularly like YOUR boobs…in bras. I’m not seeing how you don’t get this.

SMF: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS AND WHY IS IT IN MY MEDICINE CABINET?!?!?!?!?
ME: Okay, babe, one more time…typically you text message because you and I are not in the same location and you want to communicate with me. In other words…I CAN’T SEE WHAT YER LOOKING AT!!!!
SMF: This thing…it’s brown, with a metal end…in a Vshape….it’s just plain scary. What is it??
ME: Just send me a pic.
SMF:

SMF: If it goes anywhere near any of my favorite Girl Parts please don’t tell me. I’ll put it in the drawer and pretend I never found it!
ME: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That’s a cuticle trimmer. Totally harmless. Except it’s sharp…be careful.
SMF: I’ve established that. OW!
ME: *sigh* Before we have kids I’m having yer swimmers IQ tested.
SMF: Hey now, little Miss "What Does Fo Shizzle My Nizzle Mean"!!!!

Do ya'll see why we're going to need SERIOUS pre-marital counseling?!?!?!? And flexible phone plans??? And alcohol??? Lots of alcohol.

(I know I sort of opened a can of worms with my last post. I'm still working through all the worms. When I get somewhere, I'll update you. *sigh* This is why my therapist's 9 kids will ALL go to Ivy League schools....)

2007-05-19T10:35:00.000-06:00

I had a dream last night. It's a dream I have had ever since I was a little girl. I haven't had the dream since I started college 2 years ago....until last night.

It starts off with me in a building. I know this building REALLY REALLY well. I'm comfortable there. Its ceilings are low, like a school building's, with harsh overhead lighting. Each room is small and confining like a class room, but this isn't my school and it is not any school I have ever attended. Really, it's not a school at all. I seem to live there.

Each room has a different theme. One of the rooms is dark and spooky and I hear strange things coming from behind its doors. My heart starts racing the moment I see the door. I avoid that room at all costs. There are other rooms that don't evoke any feelings or thoughts, they are just there.....they're rooms. Then there's the room I apparently live in. This room is beautiful--well-lit, lots of pictures, comfortable couches and big fluffy chairs. My bed is huge and the crystalline white, down comforter almost swallows me whole. I love this room! I see myself curled up in a chair reading a book and enjoying the sunshine pouring in from the window.

Eventually I notice the light has grown dim, I look up and see that the sunshine is still as bright as ever, it's the house that's gone dim. Suddenly there are the sounds of voices, loud angry voices and I start to hear walls cracking and plaster dust falls on the pages of my book. I run out of my room to see the whole right side of the house is gone--it's a big gaping hole leading to the world outside. Rainclouds are forming in the distance and low thunder is rumbling overhead. I look to my left and see all of the doors and windows firmly shut and locked. But through those windows and doors there is sunshine and life, and people! Happy people. I want nothing more than to be with those people. Deep in my heart, I know that if I can get to those happy people, I myself would be happy too.

I start making my way to the first door. Suddenly I hear the low rumbling sound again. It's a bit different than the thunder. I look over my shoulder and see a tiger waiting to pounce. I don't scream. I don't react. I'm not afraid. I've known this tiger my whole life. It's lived in this house with me this whole time. It lived in the spooky room, but when the house broke apart it must have been freed...and now it has leveled its gaze at me. I take two steps backwards and grab for the first door. Now I'm running. I'm running down halls and through doors that lead to more halls. I'm jumping out windows that land me in more halls. The whole time I can hear the tiger gaining ground.

The tiger also seems to know shortcuts. It knows where I'm going to turn, which door I'm going to choose and which window to wait under. Every time I run into the tiger, she sinks her teeth into the first place she can grab onto. She doesn't kill me. She never wrestles me to the ground to deliver the killing blow, but I can see her tear the flesh from bones. I feel the muscles and tendons being ripped and pulled. Sometimes I pull away from her and run to safety, other times I sit down and let her gnaw--eventually she gets up, looks me in the eye, runs her pink tongue over her ivory teeth and turns to leave me alone. That's usually where it ends.

Last night the dream was a bit different. I was running as usual, but this time I seemed to know where the tiger would be waiting and which direction to turn to get closer to those happy people in the outside world. I found myself running faster, making better choices and keeping calm. I had an overwhelming sense of comfort the entire time. I was executing new moves and behaviors but they felt natural and comfortable. I could sense the tiger becoming confused and frustrated. Her roars of anger could be heard throughout the house.

Suddenly I reached the last door. I knew that on the other side of that door was my happiness. I could feel the tiger chasing me down. All I had to do was open the door. I just needed to OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!! Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head. I whipped around and faced my attacker. The tiger had reached out with one of her paws and pulled off the back half of my scalp. I was appalled and shocked! "You've never done this before!" I screamed at her.

With my hand pressed into my torn, bloody head I grabbed the doorknob behind me and pushed open the door. I stumbled into the sunshine and fell on the ground. Immediately people started running towards me to see what was wrong with my head. They had almost reached me when they saw the tiger. She had walked out the door and was making her way towards me. Everyone froze in place and the tiger and I squared off. The whole time she was circling me, I didn't move. I stood there and let the blood run down my back. Finally she laid down in front of me and wouldn't make a move unless someone from the crowd began to take a step toward me. Then she would lift her head, tense her muscles and make a sound in the back of her throat that sounded like distant thunder.

That's where the dream ends. I didn't really think much about it until I was talking with SMF today. After hearing the despicable things my mother said to me during our most recent fight, all he said was, "Wow. Yeah, she's really a tiger isn't she?"

Yeah folks, she's a tiger. I get it now.

The One Where Cassie Tries Not to Get Hit On....AGAIN!

2007-05-18T13:38:00.000-06:00

After doing a little research and talking with some friends, I have decided that this summer I want to be a live-in nanny. (Mrs. Chili....do the Chili chilluns need a big sister type? Do you need an extra set of hands??? I don't take up much space!!!!)

However despite the fact that I am hilariously funny, incredibly charming and rather cute, I have yet to track down a job. (Hey! Not to mention the fact that I have previous experience!) That being said, I decided to track down a job on the internet. I figured, since I found a Special Man Friend on the internet I would surely be able to find a job, right?

Wrong. Apparently there is little demand for one hilariously funny, incredibly charming and rather cute nanny with previous experience and impeccable references.

HOWEVER!!! amongst the sleazy pedophiles, nasty internet stalkers, and wannabe sex offenders, I am one hot commodity yo! My email is busting at the seams with messages from scalawags all across the country hoping to be the next Jude Law.

Since SMF staunchly refuses to pay me a weekly salary for being his girlfriend (something about not wanting to date a "call girl"...blah blah blah.) I guess it's back to the Find-A-Summer-Job drawing board for me!

PS:

2007-05-09T21:21:00.000-06:00

So just a thought....

Right now I'm writing a VERY SERIOUS research paper. :-/ (That's my serious face) BUT!!!...

One of the researchers I am using as references has the last name of Titz! Am I immature b/c every time I make a parenthetical notation that says, "Pekar, Goetz, Titz, 1990" I hear it in my head as, "Pecker Gets Tits" and I giggle.....

Is that wrong?!?!?!? (Please tell me I'm normal.)

(Am I also immature b/c I was genuinely disappointed that I couldn't find a way to use the "Long, Cox" study and therefore had to cut it from my References list? C'MON!!! Long Cox and Pecker Gets Tits ALL IN THE SAME RESEARCH PAPER?!?!?!? Priceless.)

~~~~~~~~UPDATE!!!~~~~~~~~

Hello to all of Cass's faithful followers! This is everyone's favorite "SMF" by the way. (Don't tell her I'm here. Also, don't tell her that if she uses the SAME password for every account she has, I'm going to be able to get into anything. )

I have a bone to pick with little Miss Sass over there about her presentation of the conversation in the last post. I was only going to leave a comment but I'm not positive enough of you will see it and therefore continue to think of me as some barbaric, sex craved, ice cream eating meathead.

If she had been honest with herself, she would have posted the conversation as it REALLY happened....

Cute, but Occaisinally a Pain in the Ass Cass: What are you eating over there?!?!?!? You sound like a pig at a trough. Why do I even date you?!?!? I could do so much better. Blah, blah, blah.....

Me, The Ruggedly Handsome Man Candy: I'm so sorry to have offended you with the sound of ice cream leaving the spoon, my love! How could I have been so inconsiderate? I was just having a little bowl of sustenance seeing as there is no food in the house because I just recently paid the rent and now have to wait for this week's pay check. Please forgive me my dear but if I need to, I'd be happy to stand outside (in the rain) so as not to disturb your wonderful and lovely thoughts.

The Stunningly Gorgeous and Sometimes Conniving, Cassandra: No, no Man Servant. You may stay. Although that reminds me...I don't get what I want often enough from you! You spoil me and adore me and love nothing MORE than buying me gifts and giving me tokens of your love, however I still need more. When we're married the only way I'm going to get you to let me have my way (even more than you already do) is to dangle a bowl of the ONE thing you love more than ME in front of your face....ice cream.

Me, The Luckiest Man on the Planet for Scoring Such a Hot Girlfriend: Try sex first.....wth you covered in ice cream.

There.....I feel justified.

The One About Finals Week.....Another One

2007-05-07T15:02:00.000-06:00

I almost forgot to ring in Bobby's favorite time of year!!! And since I cannot deny my all-time favorite blog-crush his happiness.....here it is:

Finals Week 2007!!!! Wooooo!!!! Show us your boobs!!!!!

Well, now that we have the blessed event firmly established I can move on, yes???

In honor of college students everywhere (and in honor of the fact that I REAAAAAAAALLY shouldn't be wasting my time screwing around on the internet) I'm going to post lists! (I know, you can hardly contain yourselves.)

You know you're a college student if.....

1) You feel it necessary to put every little thing you do in your away message. (Potty break!!!! BRB!)

2) When you say, "Next year" you mean "In the fall".

3) "What's your major?" is your default pick-up line.

4) You've written a check for a pack of gum.

5) Ramen Noodles are a food group and Domino's is on speed dial.

6) It no longer bothers you to shower with shoes on.

7) A baseball cap and chewing gum count as personal hygiene.

8) You've done laundry at 4 a.m because you were bored and couldn't think of anything better. (Bonus points if it was a Friday night!)

9) You've bought a book for $150 without batting an eyelash.

10) Fifteen weeks later you sell the same unused book back for $7.....without batting an eyelash.

11) Milk crate furniture is considered classy.

12) You're a Tater Tot Casserole connoisseur.
"Ah yes, a good orange block-cheese aroma. 1998 was a good year for Tots. Excellent vintage. Would go best with meatloaf."

13) You've fallen asleep in class......during an exam.....a verbal exam.

14) You can tell what time it is by the noise level in the hallway.
2 AM = enough noise to make dead people wear earplugs;
2 PM = just beginning to hear the sounds of people stirring.

15) "Getting up early" means getting up before noon.

16) Your outside information source is MTV news.

17) You don't need a stove because you have a microwave.

18) You know the exact closing time of all the drive thru windows, within a 10 mile radius.

19) Going "out to dinner" means going to one of those drive thrus.

20) All of your wordly possesions fit into one Honda Civic.....in one trip.

21) You're relieved when you find one pair of underwear in your drawer because
it means you have two more days until you need to do laundry!

22) 5 hours of sleep is considered a lot.

23) You've begged, borrowed and stolen 100 pennies to trade in at student accounting for four quarters.

24) Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero are your workout routines.

25) You get pants-soilingly excited about getting mail.

If College Students Wrote the Bible

*The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning--cold.
*The Ten Commandments would actually be only five--double-spaced and written in a large font.
*New edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
*Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
*Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.
*Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
*Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask for directions and look like freshmen.
*Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

And because it's fun, an "SMF and Cassie Talk to Each Other" moment brought to you by the letter X--for HOLY CRAP THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE!
Cass: What are you eating????
Special Man Friend: Ice Cream
Cass: That's how I'm going to get what I want when we're married huh?
SMF: Try sex first.

So, there ya go! It is now time for me to go write some term papers and practice some presentations that are worth ghastly amounts points towards my final grade. Later Taters, I'm off like a herd o' turtles!

2007-04-27T19:22:00.001-06:00

SMF and I are working on some pretty hilarious things.....keep checking back!

2007-04-18T12:54:00.000-06:00

This has been reposted from a different blog I have. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent....namely, me.

*sigh* I don't know if any of you can relate, but sometimes I just HATE studying the Bible like it's a textbook. I understand that we're at a Christian university--we need to take Bible classes. Fine, I get it. I will admit that in these required classes I have learned a lot that I hadn't known before.....placing your hand under your Father's thigh was a way of taking an oath. Who knew?? FASCINATING!!! That revelation has completely opened my eyes to God's Word and has deepened my understanding of His message of Salvation. But moving on...

I was just released from one of the most frustrating class meetings I have ever had while here at Tiny Christian University. Doc Rock's New Testament class was taught by her TA today. Judging by the doofy clothes, the smug attitude and the way he threw words like, "Ecclesiology", "Gnosticism", and "Orthopraxis" around, he had SEM STUDENT written all over him. The classroom's reaction was almost instantaneous: "Alright you self-righteous jerk....what have you got to say?" This guy gained no respect BECAUSE he demanded acknowledgment of his authority. We were rolling our eyes and scrounging for other homework long before he uttered his first word. However, despite all this I decided to give the guy my full attention. I figured, "Hey. He's not studying to be a teacher (which is a problem in itself), he's studying to be a Biblical scholar...I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he has something worthwhile to say." Ugh, now I remember why it's dumb to ASSUME*.....

Today's lecture was supposed to be about the history and significance of 1 & 2 Timothy and Titus. I was actually looking forward to hearing more about these Pastoral Epistles especially after hearing such a magnificent and challenging speaker in chapel. Dr. Brenda's message was that our generation's time is NOW for furthering and impacting God's kingdom. It was powerful but I'm getting off topic!

When I read 1 & 2 Tim and Titus I see the personal letter of a mentor to his disciples...the sons Paul never had. I see the care, concern and conviction a pastor has for his young leaders. Two things happen when I read these letters: 1. I gain encouragement to not be afraid of young age. God will use ALL ages to lead and guide His church. We are never to be intimidated by those older than us. Respectful? Absolutely! Intimidated? No! 2. I feel as though I am reading someone else's mail. The tenderness and love that is evident in these letters makes me almost embarassed to to read them.

Dr. Wannabe completely missed the point! Wanna know what we spent a MAJORITY of our time discussing???? Objections to the credibility of Pauline authorship and DATE of authorship. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? Okay....I understand that as educated Christians we should know that such debates exist. I get it. HOWEVER, I fail to understand the need to spend 35 minutes discussing these two subjects in an Undergrad-Intro-Core Requirement class. There were so many other places he could have gone with his lecture.

I guess my biggest objections are twofold. 1) Don't be a jerk. We may be undergrads, we may be less knowledgable about how to use the Library of Congress numbering system, heck we might not even know we HAVE a library on this campus, but we are all in college! We are here to learn and we all have brains. Do NOT speak to me as though I'm 6 and I have never picked up the Bible. I LITERALLY sat on my hands every time Prof. In His Dreams asked if there were questions. I had the strongest urge to say, "Yes. I have a question. How old are you? Because I'm 23 and I doubt you are MORE than a few months older than I am so would you please stop talking to me like you have SO MUCH more brain power than I do. In fact there are SOME students here that are OLDER than you are! And also, would you please remove that smug smile and fake pastor voice before I walk up there and slap you?" (I wonder what his reaction would have been....he'd probably hit me with his Concordance.)

The other problem. He had NO passion! Oh sure, I could almost SEE his panties bunching while he discussed the support for Pauline authorship. And when he finally jumped up and down on THAT dead horse for the last time, he moved on to the debate over date of authorship. He practically started frothing at the mouth due to his excitement over the evidence which supported a 4th Missionary Journey. Yippee skippee! I ask you, WHO ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH CARES?!?!?!? I mean bsides this guy and COUNTLESS other scholars who've dedicated their LIVES to arguing these facts (wich I think is pitiful).

Despite all of this, I didn't see the spark--the fire in his belly. I didn't see Dr. Bore getting charged up about what these letters SAID. Paul is passing on the torch!!! Which after many, many centuries has finally been passed to us! That is why we are here....at college....to take the torch and follow Paul's instructions to "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses" (1 Tim 6:12).

I missed all that and ultimately, that's what made me sad and frustrated. The fact that this young man, paled by the halogen lights of the Library and aged beyond his years due to scholarly talk, had missed this passionate and soul-wrenching instruction broke my heart. I hurt for this man's future congregation. Whoever his future church is will hire one the most educated, scholarly men from Seminary and therefore pass up a man with a keen sense of what God's Word is really SAYING!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

2007-04-12T18:54:00.000-06:00

I've just spent three days working on a humor blog co-authored with SMF.

Blogger, being the total ass hat that it is, ATE IT!!!!!

:'-(

I'm going to go sit in a corner, rock back and forth and chew on my hair.

Awesome.

(You want something funny??? Here's something I wrote earlier.....leave me comments telling me how funny I am. PLEASE!!!)

The One With the Prayer

2007-04-11T13:03:00.000-06:00

Dear Jesus,

Please bring Spring back!

Amen.

PS: I was going to time stamp the picture but I forgot so you're just going to have to trust that this was taken THIS MORNING after chapel at 10 AM!!!!! :'-(

(That's me crying.)

The One Where I Explain Why I Chose a Tiny Christian University

2007-04-04T18:28:00.000-06:00

PS: I'm on Easter Break. No classes till Wednesday!!!!! Woo hoo! Yay for Tiny Christian University......and for me.

The One With the Election

2007-04-03T20:09:00.000-06:00

We lost. :'-( Yes, Mrs Chili, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. I cried. I pouted. I yelled at people I wasn't really angry with. I said nasty things to SMF and then I cried some more. There also may have been large amounts of chocolate chip cookie dough consumed.....MAY HAVE BEEN!

We lost. It was ugly....one of the three candidates received 50% of the votes. I was sad. My running mate was devastated. We ranted. We raved. We cried. We kicked ourselves and our efforts. We yelled at people we weren't really angry with and we said nasty things to our significant others. We plotted graphic murder plots involving our competitors.

AND!!!!! I'm okay now. I did all of those things last night and I haven't done any of them SINCE last night. I apologized to the people I offended. I smoothed SMF's feathers. I turned my frown upside down. I congratulated the winners. I started raving about how cool it was that Mr. New Pres received half of the votes. I also may have felt a wee bit nauseous most of the day and MAY HAVE not been able to get into my favorite cute jeans......but cookie dough is OH SO GOOD! (And it heals oh so many hurts.)

ALSO!!!! I was elected as Secretary (which I spelled SecretarTy...twice. Paging Dr. Freud??) for Concert Choir next year. AND!!!! I was placed in a discipleship role in my suite next year. AND!!!! My application was accepted to work on Women's Ministry Council!!!

AWESOME!!! So all is not lost, I'm going to be a busy, busy girl next year. And in fact, if I HAD won the election I would have been forced to turn down the other three posistions.

2007-03-29T21:30:00.000-06:00

Buenos Noches Internets!!!

I assume you're all sitting on the edge of your chairs waiting for an update. It has been a whirlwind of activity over here at Tiny Christian University. Yours truly has been campaigning like a madwoman since Monday.

That's right gentle readers....Rock the Vote 2007!! This Sassie Cassie Blaine is running for Student Body Vice President!!! Wahoo! My Presidential running mate and I have been enduring an intense schedule this week.

Monday: Gathered supplies for posters, balloons, mailbox stuffers, cookie frosting, debate materials, and the Rally.

Tuesday: Papered the Campus, Round #1. Posters focused on getting our faces and slogan in front of students' faces.

Wednesday: Frosted 380 cookies with our campaign colors (red/white/blue) in the dining hall to hand out to students.

Thursday: Stuffed 974 mailboxes with little cards displaying our emblem and slogan, "If you want a voice, make the SMART choice!" (We attached Smartees candies to each card.) AND Paper the Campus, Round #2. These posters focused on when students could vote and our campaign platform: "SGA [Student Government Association] should empower students to impact change, by creating relationships with administration, enabling communication, and strengthening Christian community on this campus." (Pretty good, eh?? The Debate is where we will unpack those three main ideas and explain what each looks like.)

Friday: Handing out red/blue balloons in the academic building. (Did you know it's like eleventy billion dollars to rent two helium tanks?!?!?)

Saturday: Debate prep ALL DAY!! Paper the Campus, Round #3. These posters will focus on when the Debate and elections are taking place.

Sunday: Debates start promptly at 9pm. (Personally I feel most solid about this. The Pres and I are pumped for Sunday! We feel we have the strongest, most thought-out platform of all three tickets running.)

Monday: Elections starting at 7 AM and going until 7 PM. I'm so sorry, but they don't take votes via email. They have this pesky rule about all voters needing to be current Tiny Christian University students!!!! Totally lame. Trust me....I was ready to have SMF stack the votes. He's totally charming, female election judges would be putty in his hands. (Hey! Don't give me that look. This is politics....not church!!!)

Tuesday: Throw a party or cry.

WHEW!!!!

Needless to say, trying to maintain this break neck pace has nearly killed me. Classes have been a blur and I'm not gonna say the s-word, but I think I'm getting s-ck!!! (Shhhhh. Don't tell my body, I'm gonna keep it a secret until Tuesday when I can finally crawl in bed and die!) My throat feels like it's going to jump out and bite me, suite mates are frying eggs on my forehead, and baseball players are using my glands for batting practice. But I'm not S-ICK!!!!! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not! SHHHHHHH. Don't say it.

The One with SMF and Cassie Talking to Each Other

2007-03-22T09:12:00.000-06:00

Since you heartless bloggers have no emotions and could care less about hearfelt entries (except you Polli!) I'll give you what you came here to get. Pointless Toilet Humor!!!! Woo hoo!

LEGAL NOTICE: These are actual conversations. Any intent to take quotes out of context or misquote certain speakers due to lack of electronic recording devices is entirely purposeful. The author does not consider this libel and therefore sex cannot be witheld as some sort of punishment (that means YOU Special!). In all fairness to the speakers, these conversations have been recorded since March 1, 2007 and oftentimes speakers were unaware notes were being taken. In other words, these are authentic twenty-somethings in their natural habitats.

It is now time for another edition of:

WHAT ROMANCE SOUNDS LIKE

Special Man Friend: I need a rub-down.
ME (The Stunningly Gorgeous, Cassie Blaine) : Oh yeah?
SMF: With oils….
ME: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Sorry. I just got this image of you sliding around the room like a greased pig!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
SMF: And you call ME the unromantic one.

ME: Look! My hair is almost long enough to censor explicit materials!
SMF: So many ways to go...so little brain power to figure out which one to choose!
ME: That could be due to the fact that all the blood has drained out of your head because you won't quit staring at my explicit materials.

ME: I wonder if our parents and the church would let us live together because it’s cheaper.
SMF: Probably not.
ME: What if we told them it was a TWO bedroom apartment.
SMF: Try it. See what happens.
ME: So basically the only way we could live together is if we had cool parents and we were heathen.
SMF: Basically.

ME: What should I call your apartment in my blog?
SMF: “The Apartment”?
ME: That's poetic! [pause] Well, what do you call my dorm in your blog?
SMF: The All-Girls Dorm Where the Panties-Only Tickle Fights Start Promptly at 9.
ME: That sounds like a porn title!
SMF: Not really, it’s too long. If it were a porno it would be Nasty Christian Co-eds in Panties or something.
ME: At least that’s more ACCURATE!
SMF: Now there’s some images for the Spank Bank!

SMF: Know why non-Christian guys attend Christian schools?
ME: Why?
SMF: Cuz good Christian girls drop their panties faster than bad secular girls do.

ME: I wonder if anyone has ever used Glamour Shots for their passport photo.
SMF: Is that REALLY what you think about?!?

SMF: How were the Kindergartners today?
ME: Well, we worked on the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
SMF: Oh, yeah? How’d that go?
ME: Well we got as far as identifying the main characters…Sha-shack, Mee-mack and Abiggo.
SMF: That’s pretty good!
ME: You’ll know I’ve completely lost my mind if I EVER say I want to be a teacher. Don’t ask any questions, just put me in a home and get remarried.

ME: Now really, what do you want your apartment to be called?
SMF: It’s your blog, you make something up.
SMF’S ROOMATE: How about ‘The LoveShack’
SMF: Yeah! Or ‘The Rumba Room’
SMFR: Or ‘The Lair of the Horizontal-Mambo Masters”.
SMF: ‘The Virginity Depository’!!
ME: Alright! So...'Romper Room' it is.

SMF: I really wish you’d change my character name on your blog. It sounds like I’m Special because I have Special Needs or something.
ME: You mean you don’t?!?

ME: Know why good Christian girls attend Christian schools??
SMF: Why?
ME: Because NO ONE drops their panties faster than a good Christian boy!
SMF: I suppose that makes ME exhibit A.

SMF: I’ve decided I don’t like wearing boxers with my scrubs.
ME: Oh yeah?
SMF: Yeah. Things bounce around too much.
ME: Sounds painful.
SMF: It’s not too bad until about the tenth time in a week, you’re standing behind a chair, you turn to do something and it ‘bounces’ into the back of the chair.
ME: [looking up from book] It took you ten times to figure this out?!?

ME: So was that our first real fight?
SMF: No. We’ve had worse ones than that.
ME: Nuh uh! When?!?
SMF: How bout when you were in Maine?
ME: That doesn’t count!! I was too drunk to know we were fighting.
SMF: AH-HA!!! I win! I win! I win! I win!!!!
ME: Win what?!?
SMF: We were fighting about whether or not you were drunk and right now you just admitted you were! I WIN!!!
ME: You lead a sad, sad life.

ME: Help me review for Research Methods.
SMF: Sure. [taking notebook] Name two benefits of conducting survey research.
ME: It’s cheap and easy!
SMF: There’s a ‘Yo Mama’ joke in there somewhere.

ME: [sobbing so hard over the phone I can’t talk]
SMF: Are you PMS-ing?
ME: [screaming into phone] NO!!!!! YOU ASS!!!!
SMF: Are you hormonal?
ME: [laughing hysterically] HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! No!!! I feel fine.
SMF: Are you emotional because I have somehow managed to ruin your day even though I have been asleep and haven’t actually spoken to you for six hours?
ME: [back to sobbing] YES!!!
SMF: Okay. I’m just trying to figure out which part of the script I should skip to.....here we go, “I love you so much. I’m so sorry that I haven’t been able to be there for you. How can I make you feel better?”
ME: Yer lucky yer cute. It’s the only thing that keeps me from suffocating you in your sleep.

SMF: UNROMANTIC?!?!? Fine! Next time I’ll just write you a note about how much I wanna stick it in you!!!
ME: That’s all I’m asking for!!!! My kinda romance...
SMF: [silence] Who ARE you?!?

SMF: The ‘Romper Room’ huh? Wanna go for a little romp right now?? [wink]
ME: Nope, but your right hand looks a little lonely.
SMF: That greedy bastard! We already romped this morning in the shower! [walking into kitchen]
ME: Babe, while you’re in there, would you put “shower shoes” on my shopping list.

ME: By the way, HOW THE HELL DO YOU BANG IT INTO CHAIRS?!?
SMF: It just happens!!!
ME: And you’re worried that your blog name makes you look like you have Special Needs!

The One where I Just Ramble While I Work Things Out

2007-03-19T15:48:00.000-06:00

I just got off the phone with my older step-sister. We talked for an hour. This is huge....HUGE!!! We have never talked that long. Even if you put the two of us in the same room and held a gun to our heads, we would STILL have to work at filling an hour of time. In the psychology world we call this a "breakthrough".

My step-sister and I found ourselves living under the same roof when her father and my mother decided to get married. Her Tragedy Timeline is a bit different, but for me my parents' divorce was finalized on my eighth birthday (Literally. My father was served the papers for signature right as I blew out my candles) and each parent was remarried to a different person before my ninth birthday (Mom was Jan 13 and Dad was Jan 31...I stood up in both). It was a helluva year for this little broken hearted girl. Moving on...

My step-father was (is) a 'good' Evangelical which means he's white, he believes in "spare the rod, spoil the child", and votes Republican.....always, forever and ever amen. My father was (is) a narcissistic, immature man that was (is) unable to relate to anyone outside of his head...aka young, heartbroken daughters. Both men were (are) angry. Both men felt (feel) slighted. Both men were born without the 'compassion' and 'empathy' chips. And mostly, both men were (are) inept at raising children.

Que Serra, Serra. Too bad, so sad. Get over it and move on, right? Nope....not for girls. For some reason, little girls have been designed to be almost completely dependent on their fathers in order to form healthy and coherent self-images. (I'm not making this up, pick up ANY psych book printed since 1990. This is cold hard fact. Girls need Dads. Plain and simple.)

So suddenly here were two little girls only nine months apart now forced to relate to one another as sisters. In the Blaine household, the word "step" was NEVER to be uttered. Not in reference to siblings and especially not in reference to parents. As for the other halves of our families that we were no longer to identify ourselves with....well, I didn't have a Dad and a step-dad, I now had a Dad and an "Other" Dad (referring to the man who had been with my Mother the day I came home from the hospital). Amanda (older step-sis) didn't have a mother and a step-mother, she had a Mom and an "Other Mom" (referring to the woman who carried her for nine months and spent 19 hours in labor with her). That was our new life. We were to like it. We were to move on. (Apparently The Brady Bunch seemed like a realistic standard for my parents.)

So fast forward for a bit. Mandy will be finished with grad school in May. She has had a 4.0 GPA since they first start figuring out GPA's in middle school. Her younger sister is the social butterfly. I'm smart, but I'm pretty, I flirt and I enjoy the attention of guys. (Do you see where this is going?) Our parents ALWAYS compared us to each other. "Why can't you settle down and get good grades like your sister?"; "Why don't you have as many friends as your sister?"; "You are never going to achieve the things your sister will."; "You need to be more like your sister."

Needless to say. We decided to manage our heartache in different ways as we got older. Mandy became the youngest, full-time, college level debate coach in the history of Large State University. Cassie became the partying, drinking, teenage mother and placed her baby for adoption. Cassie flitted from one relationship to another without so much as an emotional scratch and Mandy fell in love with her high school sweetheart, broke up with him when he left for college and hasn't forgiven herself since. Mandy decided that she couldn't the attention of her father with her grades and since he never told her she was pretty, she started eating and doubled her weight in 3 years time. Cassie decided that she couldn't get the attention of her father with her grades and since he never told her she was pretty, she started having one night stands at the age of 16. Here's the story of two lovely ladies...

Where am I going with this? Well just today I had a one hour conversation with Amanda when she called telling me that she thought she was losing her mind because she finally contacted that long lost high school sweetheart that she hasn't moved on from.

Over the course of this hour I was able to tell her how beautiful, strong, capable, incredible, lovable, courageous, independent, and faithful she is. She cried. I cried. Her heart was so happy to finally hear all the things she needed to hear as a little girl. I didn't lie to her! She is all of those things....and MORE!! I just wish she could see that. (I wish we both could see who we truly are.)
There is still a grieving, scared, heart broken little girl inside both of us. Lame? Maybe. The truth? Absolutely. And you know what, I have learned that there is a grieving, scared, heart broken little girl inside some of the most beautiful, strongest, most capable, incredible, lovable, courageous, independent, and faithful women I know.

I realize now that because of all I've been through and have been able to overcome, I now have a burden for these women. I want to find every hurting, unloved, scared, abused and discarded woman in the world and let her know that she is precious. She is so indcredibly amazing merely because.....she is a woman!

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UPDATE: At the time of publication (aka the moment I pushed the Publish button), my Mother called having a melt-down about things going on in HER life. Screw the 'I want to find hurting women' scenario. I'm just gonna get my Master's in Counseling Psych and start charging my family $100 an hour. I'll be a millionaire before I'm 30.

The One where I Can't Stop Talking About T & A

2007-03-15T22:39:00.000-06:00

Way back when....in a different lifetime, I used to "do time behind the rail" at a family member's local establishment. It started with me learning how to assist the bartender (aka 'bar back') which essentially meant I tapped kegs, filled pints, washed glasses, delivered orders, and got screwed out of my rightful tips. Eventually I was allowed to "set 'em up" for drunk, unruly pricks that bellowed and elbowed their buddies when they thought they got a sneak peek down my shirt. *sigh* I certainly don't miss those nights. However, I DO miss the money! Luckily, every once and a while my uncle calls me up when he needs some extra help. (He pretends to ignore the fact that my license might be expired and I look the other way while he pays my hourly in cash, possibly off the books. He's Italian, what can I say?)

So guess what day it is on Saturday??? And guess who's earning some big bucks helping out a family member???? You got it! Yours truly is going to shimmy into some cute jeans, wrap some green mardis gras beads around my neck, plaster a smile on my face, and listen to inebriated guys attempt to sweep me off my feet with comments like, "Hey, nice rack!" or "Those titties real baby?" (WOO HOO!!! Yay for me.)

In all seriousness though, St. Patrick's Day is the WORST day to be a female bartender. The tips are phenomenal but the atmosphere is less than stellar. Drunk Irishmen (and everyone who wishes they were one) flood the bar scene and the night almost always ends with drunken brawls. In my neck of the woods, SPD also happens to fall during the time of year when the City is just beginning its Big Thaw. Suddenly there are spaghetti straps, flip flops, tiny skirts and titties in great abundance all over downtown. This sudden increase in visible flesh also seems to play a role in the rowdiness that is associated St. Patty's Day. Guys who are already suffering from sudden testosterone poisoning decide to add fuel to the fire and flock to the local bars to throw back and throw punches.

However, if a girl is wise she can rack up (no pun intended) some SERIOUS cash. St. Patrick's Day also happens to be falling on a weekend during March Madness!! The Uncle has me on the schedule for every night this weekend and given past experience, I'm estimating I'll walk away with over $2,000 from Friday and Saturday, and another $600 on Sunday. Easily.

It's not that I'm mind-blowingly superb at mixing drinks, I just know how to smile, flirt, and lean over a little too far when I reach under the rail for another glass. Is it demeaning? Meh....sort of. Do I LOVE doing it? Nope.....definitely not. Am I freaking hard up for easy cash? You betcher butt, yo! If this is what I have to resort to in order to make some quick money I'm cool with it.

Of course I did work with bartenders that were more than happy to accompany a patron to their home for a little sleep-over. I was never into that. It always seemed to be just this side of hooking. I'm perfectly willing to flash a little skin and shake a little rump to make some extra bucks, but I'm not about to whore it out. (Don't give me that look!) I'm a natural born flirt, people. I'll flirt with a lamppost if it's the only thing standing still long enough. I truly believe in the old adage, you catch more flies with honey. Hey, I'm all about catching flies....especially if it means a big pay-off for me!

Special Man Friend was more than a little horrified the first time I got us a discount on some videos we were renting just because I flirted with the guy behind the counter. I was blessed with some pretty nice assets (pun intended) and I'm not afraid to use them. Sure, I've been accused of being manipulative but hey, if someone is naive enough to fall for it, then that's just too bad for them. My spell has been broken on SMF for a long time now. It is only on RARE occasions now that a well-timed cleavage flash or 'Naughty Girl' smile will get him to do what I want. He's got my number and I know that my techniques only work when he was already planning on letting me get my own way.

Needless to say, I was pretty sure Special Man Friend was going to put the kibosh on this idea when I talked it over with him yesterday. Of course, he was less than thrilled by the idea of his cherished beloved letting guys ogle her goodies just so she can have some spending cash. However, SMF is a numbers guy and given the number of hours I would be working (9p-2a) on Friday and Saturday and 12p-10p on Sunday, he finally admitted that $2,600 was difficult to pass up. So I guess it's official Internets! I'm gonna let my Milkshake bring all the boys to the bar.....and them I'm gonna take 'em for all they're worth. ;-)

All I have left to do is: (a) brush up on my Pocket Guide, (b) pick out my best "Oops! You Can See My Boobs When I Bend Over" shirt, and (c) practice my "Come and Get Me, Big Boy" look in the mirror. SWEET! Good times.

Of course, SMF did have some final words regarding the whole situation:

SMF: Just don't forget those are MY titties I'm letting you show off.

ME: I don't remember reciting any "Till death do us part" vows lately.

SMF: Well....I've made a down payment anyway.

ME: Really?! I don't see a ring on this finger! [wiggling my left hand at him]

SMF: FINE! I'm renting to own! Just keep that in mind, Dingle.

ME: Deal.

PS: I thought I'd make my Buppy Wuppy Head feel a little bit better and share MY pet name.

The One with The Tour Updates

2007-03-11T12:57:00.000-06:00

HELLO Dear Internets!

Oh how I've missed you! The past eleven days have been pretty wild and woolly let me tell ya.

Choir Tour was INSANE! We drove all the way out to Staten Island and I just got back about two hours ago!

Here are some numbers for you

14: Number of concerts performed

11: Number of days I was actually on the road

Eleventy Billion: Number of dollars SMF and I are going to spend on the cell phone this month

51: Number of people that were on Tour

0: Number of people I actually physically harmed (YAY for me!)

2: Number of times I sang the solo I REALLY, REALLY wanted....whatev.

19: Number of my choir folder....just thought you wanted to know

300,519,298: Number of Mocha Fraps consumed by Yours Truly

300, 519, 299: Number of potty breaks I needed b/c of all the Mocha Fraps

WAAAAAAY Too Many: Number of sack lunches consumed consisting of sandwiches and chips

Never Again Before I Die: Number of times I want to eat cold cuts again

1: Number of times I took my picture with a weather predicting groundhog

One Bazillion: Number of times I thought about SMF

I don't even know where to begin guys! This Tour was truly a blessing. I am utterly exhausted and totally refreshed at the same time. Thank you for any prayers/happy thoughts you sent my way. I appreciate it.

I'm sure I will log on and give you some details at a later date. Right now I'm going to go sleep in MY OWN BED!!!!! Then Special Man Friend and I have some catching up to do.

Later Taters!

The One with The Updates

2007-02-28T20:14:00.000-06:00

SPRING BREAK 2007!!! Wooooooo! Show us your boobs!

Okay....now that we have THAT out of our system. It's true, here at Tiny Christian University it is OFFICIALLY Spring Break 2007. What am I doing you ask? I'm spending it on a bus with 52 other people DRIVING to Staten Island and back. WOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (Uh huh.)

Along with it being Spring Break, it is also Concert Choir Spring Tour 2007. This year we are traveling to Staten Island, NY with performances along the way in Indiana, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. (We headed your way Mrs. Chili....I'll wave from New York!) We perform at churches and stay with members of the congregation every night. Essentially, every night I have no idea where exactly I'm going to be laying my head, I just have faith that it will be somewhere warm and safe.

This element is only one of many that makes Tour so intense. (Wait till next year when we tour Europe and do it the EXACT same way!!! YIKES!!) Not only are we performing everyday (sometimes twice), but we are making the entire trip on hope and some prayers. (Granted the churches are arranged ahead of time so it's not like we just show up at some random church expecting food and a place to stay....that's just insanity!)

Last year I was lucky enough to stay with wonderful families in BEAUTIFUL houses every night. One of my Florida families hosted four of us girls for two nights and let us use their car, go to the movies, take naps in the afternoon, sunbathe on their patio, and each of us had her own rooms. NICE!!! (Everyone is praying to be placed with that type of family.)

What am I trying to say in all of this? YAY!!! Tour!!! I'm excited!!! (Okay moving on.)
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Ummmm...since the last time we chatted, I have been placed on the ADD drug Adderall XR. My therapist and I decided to try a new tactic since EVERYTHING else we had tried failed to help my poor GPA. Of course, besides cutting WAAAAAAAAAAY down on the amount of time I spend at Special Man Friend's Bachelor Pad. That helped quite a bit actually! (Go figure.)

I had noticed I was having a problem staying focused back in middle school, but my Mother Figure was pretty adamant that I was just lazy. So I put my nose to the grindstone to achieve the GPA expected by my parents. I graduated with a 3.85 and nearly killed myself in the process. Now at college, I'm finding it almost impossible to keep focused on one thing for too long. My GPA currently?? A 2.0. Uhhh....yeah, clearly there's a problem, so I'm going to see how this med stuff works for a while. (At LEAST a year.)

I'm pretty happy with my decision to go on meds. Thus far I have been able to cope with the side effects. Minor headaches and nausea after my first meal of the day seem to be the two that hit on a consistent basis. My Psychiatrist/Neurologist (we'll call him Dr. Brain) promises that these things will lessen in time.

What am I trying to say in all of this? YAY!!! Drugs!!! I'm excited!!! (Okay moving on.)
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And last but not least, I STILL don't have the solo in choir. What has Dr. Director decided? The freshman and I are going to share it!!!!!! Alright....fine. All I have to say about it is,

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING ASSHOLE?!?

(Shhhhh....don't tell SMF that I just swore.)

It's not that I'm a Super Diva (I'm a recovering one actually)! The fact is that I have logged a total of 15 hours working on this stupid solo!!! Snot-nose Freshman?? She'll openly admit she hasn't worked on it at all!!! WTF?!? I mean really! Even the Choir thinks this is more than a little shitty.

*sigh* Fine, dearest Dr. Director. Be that way! I just want to you to know that I am agreeing to this arrangement only under extreme duress.

What am I trying to say in all of this? DAMN YOU DR. DIRECTOR!!!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Ugh....YAY for Tour. :-/

The One in Which I LOSE MY MIND!

2007-02-21T17:46:00.000-06:00

Okay...I actually had to sit down and roll up my sleeves for this one. I need to do a lottle (not a little but a lottle...) ranting!!

To My Dearest and Lovliest Choir Director,

IF THAT F-ING SNOT-NOSED FRESHMAN GETS THE SOLO IN CHOIR, I CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS!!!!!!

I'm not kidding here dearest Choir Director, sir. I auditioned for this department last year and you awarded me a $120,000 scholarship to sing. Remember that???

Yeah.....so get the idea of this FROSHY doing the solo out of your little pea-brain and let's get serious here. We leave on tour in EIGHT days and we need to know who's doing this solo. Don't make me come after you...

You asked today in rehearsal who had the depth and soul to do this solo and the choir spoke. Did you hear the name they said??? Were you there?!?!? "Let Cass do it!"; "Cassie!!"; "I figured Cass was doing it." REMEMBER THAT MOMENT?!?!?

Obviously I am MUCH too humble to just walk up to the front and take the mic after I heard my name. I allowed you the opportunity to make up your mind, but then you did this REALLY bizarre thing!! You avoided all eye contact with and called out FROSHY'S name!!!!! That little wench waltzed up to that mic like she owned the place. She thinks just because she can sing a dotted syncopated rhythm she's something to write home about! Are you kidding me?!? Every time I HEAR HER SPEAK she's bragging about her past choir experience but what you, my dear director, seem to forget is that it doesn't matter....I'M BETTER!! I was in my first professional choir the YEAR SHE WAS F-ING BORN!!!! I mean, really!!

Do I need to strut around and spout my credentials? Do I need to tell you I have sung with 6 professional orchestras? Do you REALLY need to know that I was named Best State Soloist 2 years running? Is that what you need? Or is she just spending her lunch hour under your desk?!?!? I don't want to point fingers but WHY ARE WE EVEN DISCUSSING THIS?!? It is common knowledge that freshmen don't get solos. That's just how the world works!

Well Mr. Director, you better not be freaking surprised when I show up in your office dressed in my Cute clothes looking to "just sing through some things really quick". I can play THIS game! If nothing else, in all my years as a competitive singer....I HAVE LEARNED HOW TO COMPETE!

PS: Who are we kidding? The pink suits me.

The One with My Mother and The Jelly.

2007-02-17T16:03:00.000-06:00

Alright....I'm calling on the powers of all the "Mommies" that swing by my site. Here's the deal, I think my mother is trying to kill me and I need to know if this is okay.

I don't know if any of my dear readers have ever had this habit, but everytime I walk in my Mother's house I automatically open the refridgerator door. My whole molecular balance gets thrown off if I don't get the chance to open the fridge, stick my head in and say, "I'm starving. What do you have to eat?" Even after eating out with my parents and riding back to their place, complaining the whole way about how stuffed I am, I will walk in the front door and promptly open the fridge. It's just a natural phenomenom.

Today was no different. I agreed to spend the weekend with my parents so I could help serve my Mom's retirement luncheon at church on Sunday. I wasn't in her house for longer than 8 minutes before I found my way to the kitchen and stuck my head in her fridge. She was in the process of making me clam chowder and I STILL HAD TO OPEN THE FRIDGE!! I decided that I couldn't wait for the soup and had to eat RIGHT NOW! I pulled out the fixin's for a PB & J sandwich and got to work.

I spent 45 seconds selecting the most perfectly shaped, symmetrical pieces of bread. I performed a thorough and scientific Taste Benefit ratio on the differences between Grape and Strawberry jelly. I chose the perfect knife for the job....definitely a butter knife but not too skinny or it wouldn't properly get the jelly out of the jar. I poured myself a frothy glass of milk in anticipation of a tasty "old school" lunch. I placed all of my supplies on the counter and got busy.

Suddenly there was a fluke! The jelly wouldn't open!! No amount of grunting, pouting, foot stomping, whining and jumping up and down would open that stupid jar. What Stupid Jar didn't know was, I WAS GOING TO HAVE GRAPE JELLY DAMN IT!!

I decided to run the jar under some hot water in hopes of loosening the sticky jelly glue that was holding my lunch hostage. While I was holding my prisoner under water and tapping my foot, I happened to glance down at the label and almost dropped the jar. There on it's purply little side was the nice neat printing saying, "BEST IF PURCHASED BY 06 2004". WHAT the?!?!?!?

Me: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! (In Chi-town all good children refer to their mothers as "Mah". Make it super nasally and you've got it.) Why do we have jelly from 2003?!?!?!?! That's just wrong!!! No wonder the jar wouldn't open! It was trying to save me from certain death.

Mah: Oh stop! It's jelly. You can eat it for years and years and be just fine.

Me: Mah! That's assuming you BUY A NEW JAR EVERY YEAR! EWwwwwwww. That's just gross.

Mah: Cut it out. If I had made the sandwich for you, you wouldn't have known any different.

Me: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwww!

Mah: Just stop it and make yer sandwich. (FYI "Yer" is not just a quirky internet spelling of 'your' and 'you're'...that's really how it's pronounced (or PERnounced) in these parts.)

Me: Never mind. I'm not hungry. I'll wait for the soup. Do you want me to throw this away or put it back in the fridge?

Mah: Are you gonna (gunna) eat it next year???

Me: NO!!!!!

Mah: Then just throw it out if yer gunna be sucha baby. I'll get new jelly at the store on Monday.

She was really okay with feeding me three year old jelly?!? What other crazy, unsanitary things do you loony Mah's do?!?!? I've seen the 'lick and stick' technique of cleaning pacifiers, but what have you done lately that DCFS should really know about???

PS: The pink was getting to me. I decided to change up the colors.....I think we've figured out that I'm a girl. Let's move on, shall we??

The One with the Valentine's Day Presents!

2007-02-14T13:46:00.000-06:00

THE BEST VALENTINE'S DAY EVER!!!!!

Look what was delivered to Tiny Christian University for ME!! I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER received a gift for Valentine's Day, LET ALONE flowers!

I'm so happy I could just pee!!!

The inside of my ENORMOUS Valentine next to my flowers!!

The inside of my Valentine.It's so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!

"Thank you for coming into my life and making it better than I knew was possible.

You have given me hope, brought inspiration into my life and have made me a better man for having known you.

I love you with all my heart."

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! He's such a good guy. I can't even begin to express how lucky I am. :-D

The One That Explains EVERYTHING!

2007-02-09T09:53:00.000-06:00

Special Man Friend and I couldn't date if we couldn't talk about random things like the following. Please keep in mind these are not paid actors. The following are all REAL conversations.

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SMF: When hanging out with other guys, it's a good rule of thumb to have on as many clothes as possible.

ME: So if yer sitting on the couch with other guys, you wouldn't just sit there shirtless.

SMF: Yuck, no! Now when you and I are together, a good rule of thumb for YOU to follow is that YOU have as little clothing on as possible.

ME: So when I'm sitting on a couch with guys I should be shirtless?

SMF: HEY! [pause] When were you sitting on a couch with other guys?!?
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ME: I don't think you quite comprehend what I mean by "REALLY BAD SEX"

SMF: No....even "really bad sex" still means orgasm for me.

ME: Ugh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ME: I'll ask the black guys to play pool with me!

SMF: No you won't! For two reasons. First they LOVE your body type and would be acting all horny. SECOND you've already told me that you are strangely attracted to thuggish black guys.

ME: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love you...

SMF: Why?!? Because I'm logical?! Because I make sense?!?

ME: Yes....clearly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SMF: Yer kind of in a "Bad Girl" mood aren't you?

ME: No...actually I think I'm getting a headcold.

SMF: You have that "Naughty Girl" tone of voice.

ME: I think you're just hearing the sound of snot dripping down the back of my throat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ME: What are you doing? [As SMF is jumping around the living room]

SMF: Jumping.

ME: Oh, okay. [Goes back to reading]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ME: Look at that squirrel!!! He looks like an ape!

SMF: Uhhh...

ME: Well, when he's going steppy, steppy not hoppy, hoppy.

SMF: You need a nap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ME: Do I look dumb when I walk?

SMF: WHAT?! No. What kind of a question is that? Next you're going to be asking if you look doofy when you blink.

ME: I look doofy when I blink?!?!?

SMF: [in total deadpan monotone] Yes, yes you do. It turns me on. Ooo baby, ooo baby.

ME: Shut up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ME: What do you want for Valentine's Day?

SMF: Well....you could get me that thing we keep meaning to buy but never get around to shopping for. [continues channel surfing]

ME: [silence] You want condoms for Valentine's Day?!?

SMF: Think something we use MUCH less frequently.

ME: [more silence] You want food for Valentine's Day?!?

SMF: When you blog about this could you please make us sound like something OTHER than starving nymphomaniacs?? [goes back to channel surfing]

(He wanted cologne by the way!!! How the hell was I supposed to guess that from his clues?!?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ME: [breathless] HEY!!! I JUST DID A ONE HOUR TAE-BO CLASS AND I LOVED IT!!!

SMF: [groggy and grumpy] It's six. Your loving and supportive boyfriend is trying to sleep.

ME: I just wanted to share! I'm going to go shower, then eat some breakfast, then go to class, then do some homework....

SMF: [mumbling while I'm talking] Loving and supportive. Loving and supportive. Loving and supportive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ME: Stop thinking so hard. You might hurt your brain and you need that.

SMF: I don't need a brain!

ME: Oh really?
SMF: Not as much as I need my penis!

ME: That line of thinking is precisely why the world is the way it is!

The One in Which SMF Guest Authors...And Makes Me Cry.

2007-02-07T17:52:00.000-06:00

SMF asked if he could guest-author AND I said yes with much trepidation THEN he surprised me and made me fall in love even more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[[Author's note: I've beeen reading Cass's blog for as long as she's been writing and I don't think she's done a very good job letting everyone know what kind of a Girl she is. I asked if I could author a blog about her. All you REALLY need to know is that on my blog I refer to her as Girl so that's what I'm calling her here as well. I want you to see what I see.]]

Girl came to church alone. We always arrive at different times. It was just another ordinary Sunday morning. I had begun my laps around the interior searching for Girl when I came around the corner into Fellowship Hall.

There she was. It wasn't that her clothes were particularly stunning. Her make-up was rather ordinary. I had seen her hair like that dozens of times. I had gazed at that sweet face, lost myself in those endless brown eyes hundreds of times in the past, but something about her was different today.

I don't want to describe the moment with cliches. There was nothing cliche about what I saw. "She glowed." "Light shone all around her." "Colors seemed brighter." "I heard music when there was none." All these statements belittle the moment I experienced.

The best way I could describe it is...........she simply existed. Joyful. Energetic Lovely. Playful. Deep. Thoughtful. Serious. Sexy. Powerful. Sincere. Sultry. Intoxicating. Honest. Loving. Sweet. Inspirational. She was all of these things at the same time.

I realized I wasn't even really "drawn to her". I was content to just stay where I was and witness something I could never explain--feel emotions I don't have names for. I wanted the moment to last a lifetime and at the same time it was like standing next to a blast furnace, I wanted so desperately to back away from the intensity.

When I saw her standing there, chatting with our Old Crones of the church, I felt like I could read her thoughts. The smile that lit up her face was so radiant and lovely I couldn't help but smile along with her. Girl's deepest, innermost joys were written in that smile. I could feel my adrenaline start pumping as I plotted the demise of anything that might make that smile falter.

I was suddenly wrapped up in the idea of spending the rest of my life with her. I was dumbstruck with the magnitude of the challenge. God was expecting me to Care For and Understand and Support and Struggle Alongside and Make Love To and Cherish and Challenge and Have Fun With and Adore this incredibly ethreal woman....for the rest of my life.

I began to realize that I am intended to be the earthly manifestation of all the things she needs God to be for her. When she cries out to her Father in anguish I am expected to catch her tears. When she raises her hands in praise, I am expected to fall to my knees and thank God. When Girl can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am expected to light the lamp. When she needs a hug, I am expected to open my arms.

I was nearly crying out myself in pure terror at the idea. And just as soon as the thought had left my head, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace. I watched as she slowly began to peel off the coat I had given her for Christmas. She unwound her super long scarf and pulled off her gloves by tugging on each finger. I couldn't take my eyes off those familiar arms as they embraced Pastor's Wife in a friendly hug. Her tiny hands held the other woman's hands gently and lovingly. I watched her deep brown eyes cloud with concern and genuine compassion as PW explained the breaking news of the Church.

Every one of her movements was so familiar, I felt I could predict each before they even happened. The way she tossed her hair when she laughed was so well-known to me, I could envision where each and every silky strand was going to land. This stunning woman had been created as my equal. She had been specifically designed to awaken these thoughts, feelings and emotions. She was, IS, the other half I have been searching for for 27 years!

To say Girl "broke the mold" the day she was created is again, an understatement. I see that God designed every little inch of this surreal woman. When I saw her in the doorway, framed in the early morning light, I knew for a fact that she was created for me.

I also realized that I was created for her. I can't say that she's ever had the same sensation I experienced, she's never mentioned any. That Sunday I understood what a precious and remarkable gift God was giving to me. He was trusting me with His most beloved creation. She is His PRECIOUS daughter! He was challenging me and I feel ready for the challenge.

The moment I just described lasted no more than five minutes; shorter than it took me to write about it. The moment was over when she looked up and caught my eyes. I can't imagine what she saw, but the smile she gave me lit up my heart and almost made me cry. All I could manage to do was move toward her. I forced my feet to move. After what seemed like the longest second of my life, I was standing next to her.

I had the overwhelming sense to wrap her in my arms, press her head to my chest and never let her go. I wanted to ravish her right then and there. I wanted to kiss her favorite spot on her forehead and smile and laugh and act like nothing had just happened. I wanted to never be away from her again.

All I could actually do was reach out and squeeze her hand. She squeezed back and I knew, in that little squeeze, that it's possible to have Heaven on Earth.

The One with the Super Bowl

2007-02-04T23:40:00.000-06:00

:'-(

That's all I've got to say about it.

"Wait till next year!" tis our battle cry.

~Cass~

The One with the Sasie Note

2007-01-30T14:01:00.000-06:00

To the Maintenance Men of Tiny Christian University:

Hello! Let me first say that I really do appreciate your dedicated service to our campus. You guys do jobs most of the residents would run from....thank you!

HOWEVER!! Sometimes your lack of common sense and critical thinking skills leave me at a loss for words. I realize that at one point you were all told by your boss that "If there is ice, you must put down salt". I agree!

What I am beginning to realize is that you may have missed the Chemistry lesson that should have gone along with those instructions. I am sure you may already be aware of the idea that the salt is used to form a layer of brine which has a lower freezing point and breaks the bond the ice on the pavement. Very good! [Pats on the head all around.]

This is ideal for streets because after the ice is seperated from the surface, the rushing traffic mixes it up and plows follow along to scrape the newly made slush off the roadways. You, my lovely Maintenance Men, are NOT deicing roadways. You are deicing the walkways of small Christian University.

Essentially there is not enough weight moving FAST ENOUGH over your brine and therefore no slush is being created. ALSO! You lovely fellows are not out shoveling or plowing what little slush there IS being created in high traffic areas, say for example in front of the academic building on campus where ALL TCU undergrads have EVERY class.

Also you may have noticed, the temperature outside is WELL below freezing....about 30 degrees below actually.

What am I trying to say?? STOP SALTING! All that is being accomplished is that for a brief 30 seconds the ice melts enough to promptly refreeze IN A NEW SHAPE!!!

In other words... THE ICE IS STILL IN FRONT OF THE STAIRS SO SOMEONE HAVING A REALLY CUTE HAIR DAY CAN SLIP AND FALL ON HER OH-SO-PLENTIFUL ALBEIT ADORABLE RUMP THUS EMBARASSING HER, SCUFFING HER CUTE SHOES, AND!! FORCING HER TO CHANGE HER ENTIRE ENSEMBLE WHICH TOOK HER 25 MINUTES TO PICK OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!

Bah humbug on YOU, you Maintence Men. Curses be on all your houses and your families!

Your adoring Tiny Christian University resident,
Cassie

PS: MY BUTT HURTS!!

The One with Part II

2007-01-26T13:50:00.000-06:00

I DID NEED A BLACK DRESS!!! YAY!

First Special Man Friend took me to dinner at the House of Blues Restaurant and I spent the whole meal begging him to tell me where we were going. He must have been dying of laughter the whole time! Little did I know, but we were going across the street.

SMF had gotten us tickets to see Jeremy Camp at the HOB! (For those of you NOT from around dese hurr parts, that's House of Blues.) I LOVE, love, LOVE! Jeremy Camp. I'm shocked I didn't know he was coming to town. Lucky for me, SMF loves Mr. Camp as well, and he kept closer tabs on Jeremy's concert dates. SMF and I actually met because of this particular artist, so he and I hold a special place in our hearts for Camp and his music.

Once upon a time, I was searching for video codes for my MySpace profile, of Jeremy's song, "I'll Take You Back" and having no luck. I finally ditched the Google searching and did a search on MySpace. It kicked back about 50 profiles that mentioned something about "video", "codes", "Jeremy", or "Camp".

I began clicking on profiles and getting more and more depressed. All I could find were a zillion people that LIKED Jeremy Camp but didn't have his video in their profiles. I eventually ran out of time and had to head to class.

Rather than "X-ing" out of the server, I just diminshed the window and went to class. I also went out to dinner, then I went on a date with my boyfriend at the time. I also broke up with said boyfriend that night and came back to the dorm despondent.

I let myself into my room and sat in front of my laptop to do some journaling. I realized I had left my browser open and maximized it to see what I had been doing. When I saw the list of profiles, I started clicking random ones. At this point I was DESPERATE to have that song.

After about 10 profiles resulting in nothing. I was about to go to bed and clicked on one last one. Wouldn't you know it??? There was my song! I didn't even bother to see who the person was, I just sent off a quick email asking for the video code and jumped in bed hoping for the best.

The next day I checked my MySpace messages and there next to the subject line "Giving you what you asked for" was the little thumbnail of a VERY good looking guy....holding a guitar. I assumed the message was a spam message and was about to delete it when I decided to take a look anyway. Inside was 50 lines of HTML that made up the code for the Jeremy Camp video!!!

I was so amazed! I decided to check out this guy's profile to see where he lived and if he was a Christian. I clicked on the link, and promptly went out to lunch with some friends, went to Barnes & Noble for a couple hours and then came back and had dinner at the cafeteria.

By the time I got back to the dorm I was ready to get comfy and do some relaxing. I noticed the webpage on my screen and wandered over to see what I had been doing earlier. What I found was the profile of a twenty-something hot musician who lived 20 minutes away from where I was going to school. I replied to his email and told him the following things:

1. You need smile more! It's Christmas!! [He had a VERY serious face and was in front of a Christmas tree in his picture.]
2. Are you going to school around here?
3. How did you come to like Jeremy Camp?
4. Why are guys with guitars so much hotter than 'regular' guys?

And we were off!!! The flirting and the talking and the connecting that followed was unlike anything I had ever experienced before in my dating history. SMF finally worked up the cajones to ask for my number and called the following day. We talked for nine straight hours that night. We decided to keep talking for another week on the phone, and then finally decided to meet.

I have never looked back since that first date. I have enjoyed every minute of this crazy ride and I'm happy to say that SMF and I are planning our lives around the understanding that we're going to be married. It's incredible how life seems to fall into place sometimes!

Siting there last night with this handsome guy, holding his hand and enjoying really good music was one of the happiest moments I have had in the last three years. I looked around at all the other couples there and realized that I was above and beyond luckier than ALL of them! Last night was wonderful and the whole time we were at the show, I just kept thanking God (and Jeremy) for leading me to the most wonderful man in the world.

The One with A Part II

2007-01-25T16:14:00.000-06:00

TONIGHT!!!

I find out what the tickets are for TONIGHT!! Woot! Woot!

I think this calls for the Little Black Dress, no??

The One with the Tickets and the Linebacker!

2007-01-22T12:17:00.005-06:00

Special Man Friend has TICKETS!!! Woo hoo!!!! I am so excited!

I have no idea what they're for!! All I know is that he has them!! YAY! YAY! YAY!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It goes something like this....

SMF sent me to the closet to grab his wallet so he could pay the pizza guy. I grabbed everything in his coat pocket and handed him the wallet. I put the rest of the stuff on the coffee table and promptly forgot about it. (HEY! It was Papa John's Thin Crust...you'd forget what you were doing too!)

Later as we were settling in to watch the football we had TiVo'd (might I add that MY TEAM BENT HIS TEAM OVER A CHAIR, YO!!), I reached over to start going through the stuff from his pockets and putting everything back in its proper place. Receipts go in the accordian file, church stuff gets filed into the circular file, and car keys go in the dish by the door.

Finally I reached a little envelope. It had the Ticketmaster logo on the front.

"Hey babe, what are these tickets for?"

Next thing I know, I was transported into the football game on TV! I was the quaterback and I was being sacked by a 300lb linebacker running at eleventy billion miles an hour! HOLY MASHED CASSIE, BATMAN!!

SMF came flying out of the kitchen behind me like the stove was about to blow up! He took that couch in one leap and slammed into me like a Mack truck. We both went flinging to the floor where he ripped the envelope out of my hands.

I sat up slowly and tried to force my poor little brain back into coherent thoughts. I promptly let out a string of curse words while I picked myself up out of a giant puddle of Coke.

"What the F*CK are you doing?!?"

"Cass...language."

"Don't start with me you nut job!!! What the hell was that about?!? You could have just said, Don't open that!"

"Uh huh....like that would have stopped you."

((Okay...so he had a point there.)) He disappeared into the office and I heard file cabinets open and close.

"I got us tickets."

"Obviously. I'm taking it that you want it to be a surprise??"

"Did your Spidey Senses tell you that??"

"Those, and you flying through the air like a PSYCHO person!! Can I have hints about what they're for?"

"They're for getting in the door....mystery solved."

"Thanks. But for what? Ballet? Opera? Musical Theater? Concert?"

"The WWE is coming to town."

"Fine...be that way. I'm going to go change. It seems I spilled some Coke." [insert Angry Eyes here]

"That's fine, but those tickets are going to my business office first thing Monday morning."

DAMN!

The One That's REALLY Just Plain Random

2007-01-20T13:34:00.000-06:00

I was having a discussion with Special Man Friend over the phone that went something like this:

I have completely given up hope of EVER getting ANY homework done at your apartment.

It's not my fault, Miss Procrastination!

I didn't say it was. I'm just saying...I always have the best intentions and they never come to fruition

Who SAYS that?!

Says what?

Fruition?? Who SAYS that?!

You know you're getting The Look, right?

Yeah. You know what though?

Hmm?

You might not get any homework done, but we get REALLY good naps done!

Ha! So THAT'S what happened to my GPA last semester???

The One with ANOTHER List

2007-01-19T12:41:00.000-06:00

How A Girl (No One WE Know...Just Some Random Girl) Knows It's Time to Shave Her Legs

1. Her boyfriend mentions she hasn't worn a skirt to church in a REALLY long time.

2. She can't fall asleep at night because she's being annoyed by the sheets getting caught on her legs.

3. She can't remember which end of the razor is the sharp end. (**She sticks bleeding finger back in her mouth**)

4. She needs to wear shorts in below zero weather because her legs are sweating so much.

5. She's embarassed to get in bed....with HERSELF!

6. She needs to exfoliate for a good five minutes just to soften the skin enough to lather up shave gel.

And last but not least....

7. She needs LAST YEAR'S calendar to check the date of the last "Shaved Legs Required" social event. (This may also point to the fact that said Girl needs to get a life, but that's a different blog entry entirely!)

Like I said, this is just some random girl you may see walking down the streets. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to pull these little Kleenex band-aids off and get to class.

I'm off....like a herd of turtles!

The One That has The Test and The Whining...Oh, THE WHINING!

2007-01-18T11:47:00.000-06:00

Dear Professor English,

You are slowly and quite painfully making my brain melt. YER KILLING ME!!!!!

I may ACTUALLY learn something in your class!!

And I like it.

Sincerely,
Cassie

Hello gentle readers.

I just got in from trekking my way across the frozen tundra affectionately known as "my campus". (Where did that Global Warming go?!? I did NOT order this weather. I have a copy of my receipt to prove it!) Anyway...I was in Prof English's class and we took his first exam.

It was ugly....many wounded....most left for dead on the classroom floor! Oh the stress! Tears! Wailing! Gnashing of teeth!!

Here's the thing, it's not that we were not properly prepared (Okay so that COULD be part of the problem. Also, my use of a double negative could be a problem too). It's just that his exam was as intense as his class!!!

How unfair is that?!? Exams are supposed to be easy. You (professors) spoon feed us the information and then we (students) dutifully regurgitate it for you back onto your exam....sometimes word for word.

But NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Prof English decides he's gonnna make us, like, analyze and stuff. Hey now! None of that!

He used the exam questions to make us think as critically as we do in class! ON! HIS! TEST!! Did you read what I just wrote?!? He's making us think on an exam!! Let that soak in for a second. Go back and re-read if you need to. I'll wait..... See it?!? HE MADE US THINK!!!

Basically he asked us to use his notes from class as a filter for what we were reading in the book then combine the two on his exam. Can you believe the nerve of this guy?!

First he wrote out some scenarios and asked us to identify them as an Argument, Persuasion, or Propaganda. Then he asked us to "support our claim". Basically...."Why?" (PS: As students we hate the "Why?" clause on questions....it makes the regurgitation process more difficult. Just so you know!)

His scenarios were: 1. A marriage proposal. 2. A Geometry proof. 3. The President's State of the Union Address. 4. An advertisement by a chemical company supporting environmental awareness.

Alright...not so scary. You can get away with regurgitating here. Moving on.

The next section was the short answer part. He gave us the elements of argumentation and we had to write one paragraph describing the attributes for each. Ugh....hand cramps!! Boo.

Still pretty simple.

Now we start to sweat a little.

This section was the most challenging. He gave us a table and across the top of the of the columns, were the words: PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE. Then he supplied us with lists of three words each. For example: POLICIES, FACTS, VALUES. Our task was to take the three words and place them under the heading that best describes the order of the words. So my answer looked like: FACTS, VALUES, POLICIES. (Facts from past scenarios dictate the values we hold today and we set up policies to protect those values in the future.) THERE WERE SIX OF THOSE!!! One of the lists was DELIBERATIVE, FORENSIC, EPIDEICTIC!!! WTF?! Thinking again?!?!? What?! Even though most of us had NEVER heard these words, we had to decide?!? STOP WITH THE CRITICAL THINKING!!!

So after we limp out of that section, we flip the test over to find.....GRAMMAR LESSONS*?? Hold up here buddy! We didn't even DISCUSS grammar!! Notta once! I have the scrupulous notes of every word you said in class and you never even TOUGHT the word GRAMMAR!! No fair. You are expecting us to rely on knowledge we have gained over years of studying English and apply it to YOUR test!! You could, like, NOT be more UNFAIR Prof English!! You are the meanest Professor EVER! **foot stomp**

What do you mean "underline the complete subject" in your sample sentence?! If you don't knock it off, I'm going to TELL you where exactly you can put your infinitive! (You crazy English profs need to stop foaming at the mouth from excitement....yer keyboard is going to short out.)

Prof English!!! What are you doing?? You give us the sentence: Each of my two sons required two chances to pass their drivers test. I don't WANNA identify two mistakes!! And please, please, please don't ask me to re-write it. (Oh yeah, he asked.)

Then you tell us: A young man living in Oh-Ho, Korea is a bright student he got accepted at the university of Pennsylvania. Well, la dee da for him Prof English!!! I don't care that there are BLATANT mistakes in that sentence. (Mistakes that are making my eye twitch and were painful to type...I can only IMAGINE the pain for him!) No! I'm NOT gonna list the verbs. There is no way you're going to make me list all the adjectives. AND I AM CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO RE-WRITE!!! STOP ASKING!

Sheesh....professors these days.

*Editor's Note: Personally, I LOVE grammar! I was SOOOO excited to see this section on the test. These are what I like to call "Gimme Points"...gimme the points so I can go home!

The One That has That Song a.k.a.The One that Makes You Gag

2007-01-11T16:11:00.001-06:00

My Dream Guy....

Hates wearing hats
Lover of Christ
No swearing
Good looking....okay, he's gotta be freakin' HOT!
Good kisser
Holds doors
Puts his hand in the small of my back
Calls me by my pet name in private
Calls me by my pet name in front of his friends
Cooks dinner if he's the first one home
Gives me The Look when I've crossed the line
Thinks I’m sexy
Holds me like I'm going to break
Listens while I cry, laugh, jabber, gossip, think, meditate, word vomit, debate, throw a tantrum
Shares my values
Plays with my hair while we watch football
Plays along like he's upset when MY TEAM SPANKS HIS TEAM!!! BOO YEAH! (*ahem* 'scuse me)
Thinks similarly but not exactly the same
Is organized
Cares about my baby sister
Holds my hand in public
Pulls out chairs
Calls me to know I got home safely
Knows when I'm PMS-ing....but doesn't tell me he knows
Good with money
Isn't afraid to tell me NO!
Compassionate
Is F-ing HILARIOUS!!
Is Polite
Has baggage that goes well with mine
Respects my mother
Honors my father
Sticks to convictions
Can be counted on
Lets me know he's annoyed just by saying, "Babe." in That voice
Is outgoing
Has shoulders that make me go weak in the knees.....and drool
People person
Doesn’t mind that I fart around him
Hates shopping...but loves buying me things
Doesn't get TOO annoyed when I interrupt b/c I get so excited
Treats me like his soul mate
Lets me snuggle him all night
CLEANS THE BATHROOM!!!!
Has eyes that read me like a book
Likes board games
Is adored by every woman over the age of 40 that's ever met him
Can admit when he's wrong...in a timely fashion
Is a gentleman
Almost killed his best friend because he made me cry
Hates piercings...on guys
Has had life kick him in the teeth and picked himself back up
Likes girly girls
Is so familiar to me I can't imagine life without him
Contains so many mysteries, I can't wait to start a new day with him
Thinks I’m hot
Believes I can do ANYTHING better than any other woman in the room...and tells me
Teaches me things about sports
Suffers from testosterone poisoning occasionally
Loves music
Doesn't grumble about shoveling snow, bringing cars around or taking out trash...much
Makes me cry....from sheer happiness
Has integrity
Makes me laugh so hard I do the "I Gotta Pee" dance
Plays the piano
Plays the guitar
Likes it when I play with his hair
Gives foreheard kisses
Wants marriage and kids
Can't keep his hands to himself ;-)
Likes my family
Loves me BECAUSE of my past
Is willing to give me his whole heart to love and cherish
Doesn't have to be asked to remove the EWW! NASTY! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF! tomato from my salad.
Calls me Dingle
Thinks I’m too adorable for words
Reads my journaling
Has a heart for others' suffering
Hugs me in front of my parents
Treats all women like he treats his mother and sisters
Is a big nerd...and is okay with that
Teaches me the CORRECT lyrics to a song and does it in a NICE way
Laughs AT me...while he's laughing WITH me
Never misses a birthday (or Valentine’s Day or the Anniversary....of Our First Kiss)
Can't go a DAY without talking to me

**sigh** That's all I can think of right now. I'm not sure if I quite expressed it, but I know I'm the LUCKIEST girl in world. I justhope he knows how much I appreciate him. In my eyes he is the king of the world. He is my protector, my champion, my hero, my rolemodel, my best friend, my lover and the love of my life.....and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Happy anniversary Buppy, Lubby, Handsome, Baby, Grumpy Pants, Boy, Sweetheart, Special Man Friend!

The One in Which I Get a Gift and Post a Retraction

2007-01-11T12:50:00.000-06:00

Let's start with the retraction. I would like to take back ANY negative editorial comments I MAY have made about a certain English class I will be taking this semester. Leave it to Tiny Christian University to blow past my low expectations and deliver, once again, a wonderful class and dynamic professor to go along with it.

During my illustrious college career I have been in some version of ENG 111 a total of three times (clearly my LESS THAN illustrious grades dictated that I try, try again). This class is a requirement in every secondary institution across the country and it has standard assignments: The Persuasive Argument, The Bibliography, The Research Paper, The Letter, and The Autobiographical/Personal/"I"/Favorite Memory Story.

Wow. Thrilling. And let me tell you, learning the critical elements, proper structure, syntax, and purpose for each is so exciting that at times, I've been moved to tears.....TEARS OF BOREDOM!!! Dear god in heaven!

So why not get the required "C" grade needed to pass the class and have it count for graduation? BECAUSE I GET SO BORED I STOP GOING TO CLASS! I lose my desire to willingly subject myself to that sort of punishment and by that time it's so far past the deadline to drop, I figure I'm screwed anyway so I just stop attending. (I know. I know. My logic is seriously flawed but we're not discussing that in THIS blog!)

BUT!! I have reached ENG 111 Nirvana. The curriculum, although identical to the one I described above, has been re-written to apply to modern situations and applications. The Letter?? It's been changed to, "The Proper Letter AND Formal Email". The Bibliography? It's been re-vamped to include a one day lab that will help us learn how to evaluate whether or not a website or search engine is reliable AND how to document them properly.

AND THERE'S MORE! The prof is dynamic, and corny, and realistic, and demands deeper thinking and reflection, and is in touch with what is going on in the real world. It is so refreshing to have a professor that cares about not only his subject but his students' success as well. Not only that, but he walked into the classroom and told us he was going to give us a gift.

YAY!! PRESENTS!! I like him already.

Normally the first day of a class is best described as the "Square-Off and Spar" class. The students walk into the first class expecting two things, a thorough explanation of the syllabus (including, but not limited to, "How do I get an A?", "What happens if I don't show up?" and "How much is everything worth?"). They also expect to NOT have to write down a SINGLE note or lesson pertaining to that class. Our demands our simple and if not met, professors can expect lots of blank stares and awkward silences.

Professors (I think) approach the first class meeting a little differently. They want to finally put faces to the list of names they've had for a month now (and see if their mental images match with the actual images) AND they want to establish who has the control and how the classroom is going to run for the rest of the semester. Simple enough.

Professor English deviated from the plan! Sure he met our expectations, but by the end of the class he had students scrambling to borrow notebook paper from their neighbors because they had run out of room in the margins of the syllabus for all that he was saying to us. He had us answering questions!! He pushed us to fish for words, to struggle to describe thoughts and ideas, and demanded we think more critically than our foggy After Break brains would normally allow.

HE ACTUALLY TAUGHT ON THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS!!!! eep! :-0

The thing is, he did it so slowly and covertly that it caught most of us totally by surprise. I had a notebook open just because it's a habit and because it provides prime doodling space when the lecture turns dry. By the time the sound of students leaving classrooms reached my ears, I had taken a page and a half of notes! Granted he was only talking about how to effectively read a book, but I was so fascinated by his simple helpful tips, I would have been an idiot not to write anything down.

He took 10 of the 75 minutes to walk through the syllabus, and spent the other hour teaching. He taught us how to annotate, read actively, and gave us the lecture points needed to complete our first assignment. It all happened so fast!!

While we began filing out of the classroom, I heard a classmate say, "You didn't give us our gift!". Professor English just said, "Yes I did."

And yeah, he did.

The Sass is Back!

2007-01-10T15:27:00.000-06:00

HI!!! Remember me?!? Yeah...I'm still here. I was throttled with some big life changes lately and have been recovering ever since. In short, I was in a whirlwind, now I'm out and HERE I AM...ready to blog. So! Let's get started.

If you want a good test for a possible life partner, travel together. Ummmm....yeah. Wow! It can be wonderfully eye-opening. (I don't mean for this to sound so negatively foreshadowing! Special Man Friend and I are still going strong and quite happy.)

This Christmas he and I spent the holidays with his family in Georgia. It was my first experience with his extended family and also my first EXTENDED stay in The ATL! Let me tell ya'll...I wanna live in the south. Except for the fact that my Midwest Farmer's Daughter accent was quite the novelty and if I had to say the words "pajamas", "Georgia", "soda", and "syrup" one more time I was going to throw grits at someone!

We arrived on the 27th and stayed till the 1st. (We were supposed to leave on the 31st but more on that later.) It didn't take either of us long to figure out that we traveled well together. He schlepped and I walked along looking pretty...it was a wonderful arrangement. ;-)

It was also quickly established that I was "Hold This" girl. Baggage claim tickets, state id's, boarding passes, snacks for the plane, reading materials and other miscellaneous travel necessities were silently handed over his right shoulder with the implication that I was to "Hold This". (Which is fine because I was the one with the newly purchased, oh-so-adorable carry-on bag.)

Anyway....we finally reached ATL and I quickly fell in love. The weather, the houses, the history, the fact that every freaking street is called Peachtree...it was all so wonderful.

Our first stop was the home of SMF's grandparents. They come from old Southern ("properly" pronounced it sound like Suh-thuhn rather than my tendency to say Su-thERRRRn...I come from a city that LOOOOOVES to chew its consonants.)

Mr. and Mrs. Special Man Friend were the ones I was actually most worried about meeting. SMF is their first grandson and by far their favorite. The list of girls deemed worthy of SMF is notoriously short and entries include, Mrs. Special Man Friend herself, SMF's first girlfriend Closet Psycho Bitch, and the Virgin Mary. So I knew going in I was being held to some pretty unrealistic standards. The family joke is that the only reason Mother Theresa is not on the list is because she's Catholic. So...yeah, I was more than a little intimidated.

But after a few rounds of questions that made the Spanish Inquisition look like a friendly chat while drinking tea and eating finger sandwhiches, I was given the "Silent Nod". If an answer to a question was 'correct' there was a tandem Silent Nod from the Grandparents. I received a grand total of 13 Silent Nods!! According to SMF's sister, this is unheard of and I was lucky to escape the house without a ring on my finger. The Grandparents even called SMF to let him know how impressed with me they were. SMF was thrilled and I think secretly I made it through a VERY important hoop.

The day before we left, The Grandparents hosted a Christmas get-together with SMF's paternal cousins in attendance. This group was much more laid back and easy to get along with. They seemed happy to see us together and I was excited to finally meet some of the people SMF grew up with.

Our next stop on The ATL tour was SMF's Older Sis's house. She was thrilled to meet me and admitted that she checked my MySpace page frequently to get a better idea of "that girl SMF is seeing". She and her family are loud, out going and just generally fun people. I had a blast hanging out with SMF's nieces and Younger Sis. He treated all us girls to a showing of Happy Feet where the girls got to share goofy stories of SMF's childhood and he and I found out what's happening on the High School Girl's social scene.

And last but not least, I met SMF's mother. She is a very sweet, good-hearted person. Her book knowledge is lacking but her genuine caring for others is evident. She'll be the first to admit that she wasn't the best mother but she's changing some ways.

SMF is thoroughly pleased with how much his family liked me. For months he had been assuring me that they would love me, but I think even he was unsure. When we were on the plane on the way back, he told me some of the favorite things they asked him about me.

"Is she always so sweet?" (No...I just smell that way! ;-))
"Does she always dress so nice?" (Yeah I try to but there are definitely days I spend in sweats.)
"How does she get her hair so straight and shiny?" (It's called Matrix sleek look Sealing Serum!)
"Does she have sisters?" (Hahaha!! Yes, but we couldn't be MORE different if we tried.)
"Will she let me be a bridesmaid?" (Ummm....we'll see.)
"Has she REALLY never committed a crime?" (Apparently I look TOO innocent...I told you his Grandparents were a little unrealistic!)

All in all it was a success. I'm glad to be back. I've moved back to Tiny Christian University and we had our first day of classes today. On my plate I have:
Cognitive Behavioral Psychology
Concert Choir
Understanding the New Testament
Intro to Health and Wellness (affectionately termed Wealth and Hellness)
Critical Thinking and Writing (please stick bamboo shoots under my nails...it would be waaaay more appealing than taking this class!!!)
Research Methods and Design
1-hr Private Voice Lessons

As you can see, I have more than enough to keep me out of trouble. I should tell SMF to let The Grandparents know that I don't even have TIME to commit a felony and they can rest easy...for now!

Just Checking In

2006-12-29T21:10:00.000-06:00

Hi! Yeah...I'm here. I am in Georgia with SMF's family and whoo doggy have I got sum storees fer you. Yeah buddy!

Much love,
Cass

Ummmm.....So, Yeah??

2006-12-22T19:39:00.000-06:00

Hi! How are ya? Hi! It's your favorite girly girl...Cass.

So, usually I consider myself on the up and up with technology but....BLUE RAY DISCS????

WTF?!?!? Lucy!!! You got some splainin' to do!!!!

Holiday Meme

2006-12-21T21:20:00.000-06:00

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot Chocolate all the way! I have some terrible experiences with egg nog.....**shudder**.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
He wraps them, yo! And I have the paper cuts to prove it. He averages about 3 or 4 hours a day the three days before Christmas. (I've seen his time card. **wink**)

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
On the house? White for sure. On the tree? Colored but I prefer one solid color. Blue is my favorite.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No way! We don't need MORE excuses to smooch on each other!

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Some time before Christmas Eve. There's no set date.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
I'm a pretty picky princess....I HATE ham and sweet potatoes!! I guess I'd say, cinnamon apples or green bean casserole.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child:
I don't have any. Tragic childhood, supression of memories...yada, yada, yada. Moving on...

8. When and how did you learn about the truth about Santa?
Again...don't remember.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
We open all our gifts on Christmas Eve. With the divorce and all, the kids had to be out the door on Christmas Day @ 9am. It was always easier to open our stuff the night before.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Ummm...I stand on the floor and hang ornaments on it??

11. Snow! Love it or dread it?
Ugh...not gonna lie, I want to move to a location that allows me to decorate a palm tree for Christmas!

12. Can you ice skate?
Of course! It's a requirement to keep your White Suburbanite Chick membership card!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Ugh!!! What's with all the "Do you remember" questions?!?!? No, no memories!

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
My answer hasn't always been "seeing my family" but after some significant healing, I can say I love being with my family.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
Chocolate pie. Hands down...no questions.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Cookie baking! The women of my family have always gotten together to bake cookies. At times there have been up to three generations in the kitchen. This year was the first one in which the college aged girls were allowed to bring their favorite cookie recipes....this is a huge honor, trust me.

17. What tops your tree?
An angel and a big ass bow.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?
Both. Really! I got some really great gifts for people this Christmas and I can't wait to give them. On the other hand, one of Mother Figure's elves might have leaked what I'm getting...maybe. And I'm really excited to get it!!

19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
I like when Sleighride is played by an orchestra.

20. Candy Canes.
Love them!! I'm not a big fan of the peppermint ones though. Again...I'm a picky princess.

So....Yeah.

2006-12-18T23:55:00.000-06:00

There's so much to blog about today, I just don't know where to start. I think I'm going to go sleep on it and check in later. Have a great night. Tip your waitresses and GO TO BED!!!

Wedding Wackoness Take 2! (Edited for Content)

2006-12-16T12:03:00.000-06:00

The other night was my cousin's wedding. Yes, FRIDAY NIGHT!! Who does that?!?

With all the wedding stuff going on, naturally the conversations between the female siblings turned to Dream Nuptials. Each of us have our own weddings planned out (for the most part) and each girl's wedding is unique and speaks volumes about the woman she is and is going to become.

The Baby Sis dreams of an Island Diva style wedding. She wants all eyes on her and her alone. Her basic plans include very few details because she wants to be the centerpiece of every room she walks into that day. She plans on having a silk sheath dress, long flowing hair and a pink hibiscus to accent it all. She wants elegant simplicity with a touch of quirky funkiness that is uniquely her.

The Older Step Sis plans on a very quiet, private wedding. A traditional Catholic mass with only her nearest and dearest. Afterwards she would prefer a family meal together at someone's home and then a quiet departure to her honeymoon. She wants her wedding to be the celebration of a new beginning. She wants nothing more than to be surrounded by people that love her and that want to wish her and her husband the best. She wants to feel loved by and connected to each of her guests.

And then there's me.....The Princess. I believe Annie Oakley in the musical Annie Get Your Gun said it best during her duet with her love interest Frank:

"I want a wedding that's surrounded
by diamonds and platinum
A big reception at the Whaldorf
With champagne and caviar
I want a wedding like the Vanderbilt's had
Everything big not small
If I can't have that kind of a wedding
I'm not getting married at all"

That's right kidlets, the custom-made gown, the tiara, the six foot train, the flowers, the candles, the steak dinners, the flowing champagne, the men in tuxes, my groom in tails, the lush fabrics, the gold rimmed china...that's what I want people. And Special Man Friend and I will work till we're forty if we have to in order to get it!

I think I surprised my mother with how much Special Man Friend and I have planned for our wedding! SMF and I have set a goal of $25,000. That's how much the two of us are bringing to the wedding budget...each of us that is, for a combined total of $50,000! Seeing as how he has a head for numbers and I have a head for STUFF, we work well together. He's not the type of guy to think I'm silly to be looking for deals on reception sites this far out. He genuinely participates when I make him look at eleventy billion different paper options for invitations. He likes knowing all the details and even more so, he likes knowing WHERE the budget will need to go when we do finally get serious about planning.

Alright...I know. Most of you are wondering WHAT THE HELL we're going to do with 50k. Here's the deal, both of us have divorced parents who have since remarried. Each of us has EASILY 200 family members we need to invite. That number is not including our friends and co-workers.

My mother about fell on the floor when I quoted the total goal. But when she really thought about it she realized, I have always been the princess in the family. Not only is our wedding going to be huge just because of the sheer number of people that are going to be there, it's going to be huge because I've grown up with images of celebrity weddings. *shrug* That's just how I am. (I'm already talking to one of my Mom's flight attendant friends about going to Hong Kong and picking up silk swatches for the gown and Maids' dresses)

SMF and I are both on our way towards the goal, I own my own business selling cosmetics and he works for one of the biggest medical supply companies in the area. $50,000 is perfectly within our abilities.

***Here's where it starts to gets sentimental and a little heartfelt. ;-)***

We're both really excited to start our lives together, on the other hand...I'm jealous of this personal time I have and I guard it like a pitbull. I wouldn't trade any of this time I have on my own for more time in married life with SMF. I couldn't imagine starting a life with him before I had a chance to do all things I've ever wanted to do.

I plan on doing a Missions Trip to Haiti to spend some time digging wells and working in our church ministry there. I'm also doing my internship in Montana on a farm that uses horses as a therapeutic tool for abused and traumatized women and children.

But all of my futures plans are not solo, I also have many plans that INCLUDE Special Man Friend; kids, home, church...you know the deal. (Espcially the Kids part....little tough to do all by your lonesome!) SMF and I have spent many nights talking about our future life. We love daydreaming and imagineing.

Where is all this 'word vomit' going?? Essentially, nowhere. I guess I've just spent alot of time thinking about the future lately. I'm getting excited to see where Life takes me.

It's All About the Numbers

2006-12-14T12:07:00.000-06:00

9...............Personal Record of Mocha Fraps consumed in a 24-hour period

48.............Number of Excedrin Tablets Popped in Groups of Three's (Yay for apostrophe abuse!)

78.............Number of Pieces of Printer Paper (I hear the forests crying.)

6...............Number of Hours Spent Sleeping (I'm whimpering....)

10.............Number of Medium Pizzas Ordered (God Bless the men and boys of Domino's)

72.............Number of Hours Spent in Front of Books (Do straight A students REALLY do this all the time?!?)

4...............Number of Hours Spent Actually Taking Finals!!!!! (Seems a little unbalanced, no?)

What am I trying to say?? I'm done!!! Three semesters down, five semesters left until I'm handed my B.A.!

Best quote of the week, "You know? All this schoolwork is really hindering my College experience!" uttered at 3:31 AM on Tuesday morning.

This is one of the hardest Finals Weeks I've ever made it through. Reason?? POSSIBLY because it was the first one I've ever ACTUALLY studied for. Of course, this is just a theory!

I'm leaving for the Mother Figure's house tonight where I will spend my break until I leave on the 27th for GEORGIA!! I'm meeting the Special Man Friend's family for the first time this Christmas and everyone involved is very excited.

I'm sure I'll be touching base with all of you with updates on my loony family and Holiday Madness 2006! When you smash 2 overbearing parents, 4 adult children that are about as different as they could get and 2 dachsunds that make potatoes look smart, you are bound to get some great blogging fodder!

Have a great holiday. Spend some time lovin up on your own loony family.

I'm going to go crash...for like a week!
Cass

Two Down....One to Go

2006-12-13T09:51:00.000-06:00

Alright...so I told Bob over at bobbarama I wasn't going to post till Break starts, but I knew most of you must be writhing on the ground in withdrawal induced tremors.

No worries my lovies! I have your hit of Sass right here. I'm cool, yo!

Last night was another night of sleeplessness aided by the Wing Giver and the Headache Medicine. The Friends and I spent a good portion of our night jamming out to 'old school' pop tunes. Backstreet Boys?? Britney Spears?? Blink-182??? Yup...good times. The soundtrack to our high school years.

And yeah, that's about it. Look, I never promised EVERY moment of a college student's life was going to be scintillating!!!

But there's no hiding it people, like the song says, you guys "love, love me do!"

Update

2006-12-12T05:22:00.000-06:00

I have come down off my high.
I'm going to limp off to bed and sneak in a cat nap before my final @ 9AM!

This is the EXACT text Special Man Friend has waiting on his cell phone:

"I will cause you severe bodily harm if you don't call me and make sure I'm awake when you get home from work!"

Finals 2006! WOO!! Show Us Your Boobs!!!!

2006-12-11T23:40:00.000-06:00

Hi! Hi! Hi! Welcome! Hi!

It's finals week!!! Woo!!! Yay for Red Bull!!! (For some reason it ONLY tastes right with vodka but what are you gonna do?!?) And Excedrin!!! And my life source....heavenly, heavenly Mocha Fraps!!! Woo!! Caffeine!! That's right people, my only source of caloric intake since Sunday has come from CAFFEINE!!! Woo!!! And the trembling!!! And the energy!! Woooo!!!

The hours are ticking away before I walk into my first final whereas that blessed hour of freedom after my last final seems decades away!!!! And I can't seem to stop with the exclamation marks!!!! And the suitemates can't seem to keep up with my ramblings!!! And did I mention that I've been consuming caffeine?!?!?!?!

Have I also mentioned that I am a delicate, delicate flower and with only a SNIFF of coffee brewing I become the love child of Speedy Gonzales and the Roadrunner?!?!?!?!?

Have I also mentioned that the Student Government here at Tiny Christian University have decided to have Red Bull reps on hand from 10pm till 6 am in the cafeteria?!?!? And you know what these beautiful, beautiful people are doing?!?!?!? They are handing out FREE FREE FREE Red Bull!!!!! Wooo!!! Red Bull gives you wings!!! And tremors!!!! Wooo!!!

Yup yup!!! Alright!!! Back to the books!!! Woo!!! Yay for finals!!! Woo!!!

sigh

2006-12-10T00:22:00.000-06:00

My "give a damn" is busted.

And those are hard to come by, yo!

RE: HELP! HELP! HELP!

2006-12-09T18:05:00.000-06:00

I decided to email the file back to my professor and let her know that her final may have 'leaked'. I assured her I didn't read it and that I just wanted her to know that it was out there. I then deleted the file off the computer before I could have a chance to email it to myself.

Her response....and I quote, "Thanks."

*shrug* Whatever. At least I can sleep easier at night and I still like the face I see in the mirror, and that's what matters in the long run, right?

HELP! HELP! HELP!

2006-12-08T13:42:00.000-06:00

I found a copy of the final for my Adolescent Psych class. My prof was absent minded enough to save it to the public computers and not delete it.

I haven't read it, but it's there...singing it's siren song of Guaranteed A+.

It's not MY fault she left it there! I wasn't SEARCHING for it!!! I've gotten A's (sorry for the apostrophe abuse Mrs. Chili...it just looks better!) on all of her other tests! I wasn't even WORRIED about this final...in fact I was sure in my ability to get an A. I'm drowning in review groups and study guides from my other 15 credits...I could use the break!

On the other hand, I've never cheated in my LIFE! This is soooo immoral I don't even know where to begin!

I wish Jiminy Cricket was around!

Today's In Class Writing Assignment

2006-12-07T19:50:00.000-06:00

Today in Biblical Interpretations, we had an in class writing assignment. We needed to write our reaction to the book, Blood Brothers by Elias Chacour. If you have never read it, I would highly reccomend it! It's an easy read intellectually but mentally and emotionally it could put you throgh the wringer.

The prof wanted our responses straight from the heart and honest as we could be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The response I had to Elias Chacour’s story was tremendous. My gut reaction was that of anger, anger at my disillusionment in my country’s portrayal of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. My more secondary response to the story was my deep connection with Elias and his struggle regarding his identity in God and God’s plan for his life. Lastly I spent a significant amount of time wrestling with my own sorrow and ache for peace in the Middle East. Blood Brothers helped me realize there are ALWAYS two sides to every coin, regardless of what I had been told my whole life.

Like a radio turned on while working, the conflict in the Middle East had become background noise in my life. I have grown up with this war. Ever since I was little girl, every night on the six o’clock news, there has been some tidbit of information regarding something in the Middle East. I was quickly taught the key players in the drama and believed wholeheartedly what I was told. The Israelis were the underdog and the good guys. They were being ruthlessly slaughtered for a reason that was so miniscule there was really no reason to ever mention it. The Palestinians are the bullies, killing innocent Israelis and refusing to agree to peace. And lastly, our brave American heroes were sent in to fix all of their problems. This cast list was simple enough for even the youngest of minds to follow.

My biggest struggle with Chacour’s story began in the first few pages. My image of the ‘typical’ Palestinian had been produced for me my whole life. When he began his story with a glimpse into his family life, I recoiled in horror.

“A family?! Surely Palestinians have no family, there is nothing human about these cold-blooded, rebel terrorists!” I suppose somewhere in the back of my mind I realized Palestinian people do not grow out of the ground and have parents, grandparents, and siblings like myself. After the first chapter I set the book down refusing to believe Chacour’s lies. Not only was he a Palestinian, but he was a Christian! He believed in the same Savior and God I did. This new truth stood in stark contrast to my former image and had no place in my reality. I began the hard lesson that truth and reality don’t often line up.

By the end of the story I was disappointed in my country, a feeling that does not sit well with a Conservative Republican Farmer’s Daughter. I wrestled with the truth that my government, MY true blue American heroes were in the wrong. Not only were they wrong in their approach to the problem, they were in fact PART of the problem! I began to realize that much of the conflict was surrounded in smoke and mirrors and that more disturbing was the fact that I clung to those illusionary tricks like my own life depended on it.

The first of the mirrors came down when I began to find myself relating to Elias in a very real way. I pushed against this idea and wouldn’t accept it until the last few pages of the story remained. I began to see a man relating candidly his struggles with where God was taking him and what his role was in God’s plan for his country. I have often found myself feeling as if my identity in Christ is on a continuum, it’s never set in one place and it continually grows and changes with me. I began to realize everyone experiences growing pains as they grow in their Christian identity. Certain truths are adopted easily and with very little distress to the believer. There are others that force the believer to face things in his life that are shadowy and contain many gray areas. Often times, I found that in each instance in which I related to Chacour on a personal level I was sent on a personal journey through doubt, conflict and resolution. Reading his struggles in black and white helped me realize that I do not have all the answers, nor am I ever going to have all the answers.

When it comes to answers I wish I had at least one that would sound reasonable in resolving the conflict in the Middle East. For so long I have been hearing about war and terrorism. So many lives have been lost over the years it makes my heart twist with sorrow. Israeli, Palestinian and American blood has been shed in what seems a hopeless cause. I was encouraged to see that people like Elias were fighting for peace, without picking up a gun. It is difficult to justify killing people in the name of peace. My heart hurts for the turmoil my brothers and sisters are enduring. All three militaries are war weary and ready to be done. The call for peace has been unanswered for too long and yet I see the harsh reality of the fact that there might never be peace.

Peace is a strange creature. When seeking peace, conflict always arises. As new information is entered into a person’s sphere of reality, that which aligns with a person’s personal truth is adopted. Information which contradicts or condemns, is railed against and wholeheartedly denied access to our cocoon of comfort. As truth keeps presenting itself, a person begins the long, sometimes arduous, battle for inner peace. As the battle rages on in the Middle East, peace remains a distant dream. There is hope one day the dream will be realized, but for now battle must continue.

2006-12-02T12:31:00.000-06:00

I don't know what it is about winter and its insistence on sucking all things fun out of life, what with the empty bank accounts, short daylight hours and horrendous traffic, winter makes life dull and dry.

It also happens to make my skin dull and dry as well. (Creative transition, no?) By the time Spring decides to come wandering back to the Midwest, I have used three times my body weight in lotion, moisturizing body wash and damage repairing conditioner.

Also by that time, the typical Midwest farmer's daughter has also found eleventy billion creative ways to layer her clothing so only the most NECESSARY amounts of skin are visible (vulnerable) to the dry, nasty winter air. Except.....some of them, the heartier of us farmgirls, forget (don't care) about their feet!

Ladies...if you are going to insist on wearing flip flops all the way into the cold season, you better commit yourselves to the same maintenance routine you had in the summer.

No one should wear flip flops without first doing some sort of paw grooming! Feet. Are. Gross. I don’t care who you are! This means regular pedicures with special attention to cracked heels and dry skin.

On the other hand, guys should never walk around with their feet visible in public. EVER! Not once! NEVER!!! Guy feet are particularly nasty. I know this seems brutal, but I’m just trying to stop men from committing a crime against humanity (mainly offending others with your Tyrannosaurus Rex-like feet). I know you guys are between the rock and the hard place. You’re saying, "But Cass!! They make flip flops and open toed shoes for men!!” I know they do sweetie.[insert head patting here] It’s so tempting! Cruel even. I feel for you.

But let’s look at why open –toed shoes came into existence in the first place. Women spend ridiculous amounts of money to look as good as they do. Surprisingly enough it doesn’t come naturally...I know, I hear bubbles bursting EVERYWHERE!

This means that we even spend money on beautifying our FEET!! Those nasty things attached to our ankles that keep us from falling over when we stand...yeah, we scrub, lotion, trim and paint them. So naturally after all this, WE WANT YOU GUYS TO SEE THEM!!! (I don’t know who thought this was a good idea in the first place, but I’ll admit I have my fair share of strappy shoes.)

Guys generally do NOTHING to maintain their feet. Your opinion is, they’re feet…they’re supposed to look gross. And while I do agree about the grossness, GUY feet go beyond the realms of gross. So please, for the love of all things holy, keep them covered!

And please don’t fall into the trap that girls have laid out, oh so cunningly. Do not allow any amount of eyelash batting or hair flipping convince you a man looks manly with a pedicure! This is a lie...watch out for women and their wily ways.

"Lots of other guys get pedicures" is a lie that was started by salon owners and fed to women to pass along to their unsuspecting significant others. Men should not have trimmed cuticles, smooth heels and glossy toenails! It is unnatural and it throws off the entire molecular balance of the species.

Guys, resist the urge to get a pedicure in order to wear a nice pair of river trek sandals (nice river trek sandals don't exist anyway, so it shoudn't be a peoblem). No, no pedicures on men...not even for Birkenstocks. (I'm still hoping that one day the United States will come back to its senses and banish Birkenstocks and Crocs to the fiery pits of shoe hell in which they belong!) ladies keep schlepping over the frozen tundra to the nail salon. If you are going to insist on wearing flip flops through the snow it needs to be done!

Of course, there IS a simpler solution.....PUT SOME REAL FREAKING SHOES ON!!

YAY!! YAY!! YAY!! YAY!!

2006-12-01T07:08:00.000-06:00

LOOK WHAT I WOKE UP TO THIS MORNING!!!

I went to bed last night without a flake in the sky and woke up to over 10 inches! That's right....I MIGHT be located in one of those cities that got hit by blizzard-like conditions last night. I just MIGHT!

Classes are cancelled b/c profs aren't trekking out in this crappola. I'm totally excited b/c I'm going to crawl back under my blankets and sleep till lunch!!! Mmmmmmm....sounds heavenly!

Later I'm sure there will be some sledding on illegally 'borrowed' cafeteria trays. And it's all going to be done in my NEW winter coat...YAY for Moms that love to spoil their daughters!! (I would be freezing my tushy off without my Mother Figure that May or May Not Have a Favorite Child She Enjoys Spoiling!)

HAVE A GREAT SNOW DAY PEOPLE!!!!

Day 2 of Gut Spilling

2006-11-30T10:28:00.000-06:00

This is her birthday. And yes, I was raised by a mother that believes you must have your nails done and hair coiffed before entering the hospital.

I was also lucky enough to require a scheduled C-Section which allowed me to put a call into my hairdresser and manicurist the day before I went in. I kind of skipped the whole labor and delivery thing. I just plain evicted her!

This is one of the most recent photos I have of her.

The love I have for that little girl up there is more then I can ever hope to explain. That baby girl is the reason I am so happy and fulfilled today. When I found out she existed, I made a promise to her and myself that if she ever came looking for me, she wouldn't find a burn-out, broken, and depressed shell of a person. I vowed she would find a vibrant, healthy, happy woman.

I am well on the way to making that a reality. There are shadows of memories that trip me up sometimes, but I happily admit there are no longer DEMONS lurking in those shadows. I have conquered much but not on my own. That little girl's life led me the one I know as Lord and God.

People often ask if I'm worried about loving more babies after her. Anyone who's a mother reading this knows how silly that is! There is no way I could ever stop loving Maggie, AND there's no way the love I feel for her would hinder my ability to love my future sons or daughteres. That's the key! Maggie is my child, true, but she is NOT my daughter.

I am not the woman Maggie turns to when she needs her tears wiped. I am not the woman that loses sleep at night wondering if Maggie is going to be happy and healthy. I am not the woman Maggie will go wedding dress shopping with. I am not the woman who will rock Maggie's children to sleep.

I am the woman that gave Maggie life. I am the woman that provided nuture and love to Maggie long before she was aware of it. I am the woman that prays for Maggie behind the scenes and begs God to continue to pour blessings on her. I am the woman that has a connection to Maggie by blood.

Although, Maggie's mother and I do share some qualities. Both of lives were forever changed the moment we found out she existed. Her mother and I have an unspeakable and indescribable bond. We both love the same little girl more than any other little girl on this planet. We would both lay our lives down for the same little brunette baby. We both never want to see her cry, and both struggle with the understanding that she will.

I am deeply thankful for the experiences I have had in my life. I hit my knees every night thanking God for the hurdles I have been able to overcome with His help. I couldn't imagine my life today without those things in my past.

This song has had many meanings for me. At one time it was the one I played for Maggie. I placed the lyrics in her bassinet and sent them home with her parents. Currently, it best describes a prayer I say at night.

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be

A reason to start over new and the reason is

You

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

and be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be

A reason to start over new and the reason is

You

I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be

A reason to start over new and the reason is

You

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is

You

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm FAIRLY certain this is the last of the posts in this series. I'm not usually this nostalgic! It's actually been a loooong time since I've written like this about these things. (No, I'm not repressing, I pay my therapist big bucks to prevent that!! Hahaha.)

I like to think of these posts as word vomit, random thoughts and feelings organized and expressed using the English language.

This blog will soon be back to it's regularly scheduled Sassie Cassie-ness! Please stay tuned...

Another Gut Spillage

2006-11-29T00:57:00.000-06:00

*sigh* I was hoping this emotional post wasn't going to come bubbling to the surface for a few more days, but here it is.

December 13, 2006 is an anniversary. A very important milestone in my life. If hadn't endured that day, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. In a strange concoction of life, sin and evil on the rocks with a twist of irony for flavor, I am sitting here today healthier and more at ease than I have ever been in my life.

I guess things just came to a boil tonight while I was talking with a few girls I've known for a while. I finally shared everything with them. The rape, Maggie, Joe, all the shit from the past year. Suddenly Lynne was sobbing and admitting that her sister had just been checked into a mental institution after being gang raped on Saturday. What do you say to that?!?!?!?!?!? Lynne kept telling me, "I understand how you feel"

I guess in some sick, sad way I was relieved. Finally, I had met someone that could relate to the hell I have been going through the past 3 years. (Wow. Hard to belive how long it's been!) I feel like I've been living under this dark cloud. I have always just chalked it up to depression. Depression I can handle.....shame? Well that's a different story.

I don't have many memories from my past due to the fact that I've repressed most of them after my parent's horrendous divorce. But there is one day in particular that I will ALWAYS be able to remember with the same amount of pain and anguish I felt the day it happened.

December 14, 2003.

That was the day I learned, through an AIM conversation, that I had been witnessed having sex with another guy....not Joe.

I remember how I felt when I slowly began to put the pieces together. I don't remember that. It suddenly felt like all the blood in my body had moved to my head and was now trying to escape out my ears. I would never have sex with someone else! I remember my feet feeling like they were floating off the ground. What the hell is going on?!?!?!?!? I remember looking at Joe's face and feeling like I was the worst person in the world. What happened last night? What am I not remembering?!?!?!? I remember him telling me that he was going to take me back to my dorm so he could sort through things alone. i was raped. I remember wanting to die.

A short couple months later, news of the growing Maggie came along. I tried to go back to school. I wanted to make it work. I wanted to prove to everyone that I had it all together....I could do this! I can't tell you how much time elapsed. Slowly but surely I was sliding into a dark depression. A depression that could only be detected by myself. On the outside I looked fine, on the inside I was black.

One day I woke from my stupor long enough to realize that I hadn't eaten in a week. It dawned on me that of all the people I knew, I myself posed the biggest threat to my daughter. I alone was going to be responsible for whether or not she lived. If I had kept going where I was going, I surely would have lost her. I had a developed a strange love-hate relationship. I loved her more then anything because she was my daughter....a part of me. I hated her with a blinding white passion because I couldn't hate her enough to kill her.

Sobbing, I called my mom and begged her to come get me. I told her she had to save me from this....she had to help me save my daughter.

I wish I could tell you, that after I left that enviroment, everything was peachy keen. It was far from it. As days turned into months and I began to look like I was smuggling a VW Bug under my shirt, I began to resent all the people around me. I hated Maggie for how she had ruined my life. I hated everyone my own age who got to live life normally....happily. I hated Joe for his ability to just walk away and forget it all. I hated God for hating me so much. And the hatred I felt for myself grew with every passing hour. Because I had made such reckless decisions, my daughter would never know her mother. I added her life to the long list of others that I had managed to ruin.

September 8, 2004 marked the day I became a mother. I have yet to see anything as beautiful as my daughter. I would burst into tears every time I looked into her face. The last night in the hospital, I begged the nurses to leave her in the room with me. All night I lay there with her in my arms, watching her sleep. This tiny little angel had been sent down from heaven and I loved her with my whole heart. I physically ached from the pain that I knew I was going to have to bear in the next twelve hours.

I'm glad to say that since September 11, 2004, I have never again felt as much pain as I felt that day. I watched the love of my life, my heart and soul, being carried away to a new life. A life that didn't include me. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.

I remember the weight of her tiny body as I dressed her in pink from head to toe. Maggie, please don't hate me. I remember feeling her soft hair against my cheek. I love you more then you'll ever possibly know. I remember hearing the snap of her car seat straps and thinking they sounded like gunfire. I can't do this! I remember collapsing into my mother's arms as she was being carried away. Dear Lord, please don't make me do this. I remember screaming, "Oh my god! My baby! What have I done?" over and over again until my throat was raw. Please just let me die because I can't live without her. I remember crying until I passed out. Please just let this be a horrible dream...

For days I slept on the couch because I couldn't bear the thought of sleeping in my room alone. I couldn't imagine what it would be like waking up in my bed and not feeling her move around. I hated myself. I hated life. I hated everyone around me.

To this day, at random moments, my heart skips a beat and I want to double over in pain. I'll hear or say the name Maggie and for a moment I'll feel like I'm going to faint. After I came home from the hospital, I developed an eating disorder trying to control the pain that was overwhelming my days. Some days I swear I can still hear the sound of her gentle breathing, although the memory is slowly fading. I still get phantom kicks in my stomach. Sometimes I still wish I could have her back.

I've been through hell and I've made it back. What choice did I have? If I fell apart, two lives would have been lost.

A friend once said it best, "I live my life one day at a time, as depressed as I feel, I live it." That's all you can do. Failure is not an option. You press on, you deal with the consequences. I have conquered an eating disorder. I have found Christ. My sins have been forgiven. I have forgiven my rapist. I have forgiven myself. I have a relationship with Maggie's parents. I am four semesters from being handed my bachelor's degree. I have an amazing boyfriend. I have close friends. I have repaired relationships. I am so close to be being engaged I can SMELL the diamond!! ;-) Things couldn't be better.

The thing I've learned, life is too precious to walk away from. There are a lot of things ahead for me in the future. Marriage, motherhood, PhD, saving children. I have so many things too look forward to but...sometimes it helps when I look back.

Here's the Story of Two Lovely Sisters

2006-11-24T01:09:00.000-06:00

All you need to know is that we're sisters. And we're not biologically related!

This is my Baby Sister. She's a Froshy at Large Well-Known Public University.

We were having some fun at Thanksgiving this evening. And yes, we're ALWAYS crazy like this.

This is her audition photo for Herbal Essences!

Sometimes she's scary on SOOOO many levels!

That would be a cracker in her mouth.

Yup...this is life with my Baby Sis. She rocks my socks off!

Sometimes we behave ourselves.....sometimes.

Holiday Madness...No Really, This is Craziness!

2006-11-21T18:01:00.000-06:00

Truthfully...there's not a whole helluva lot goin on around here. The campus pretty much dies on the weekends. And HOLIDAY weekends?? This is place is a freakin ghost town.

I'm thrilled I'm able to go home. The Mother Figure in My Life is going to be here shortly to whisk me away to the 2006 Family Holiday Madness Kickoff (aka Thanksgiving Day). I know the holidays are a crazy time for EVERYONE but sometimes I wonder if anyone could ever survive MY holidays.

When my Parental Units decided to call it quits 14 years ago, they chose "Joint Parenting" terms for their divorce (load of baloney that crock is....but I'm in therapy for it, so it's all good). This means that my Christmas Break was split in half. Mother Figure had us (me and Baby Sis) until Christmas Eve, then Christmas Day @ 10AM we were officially Father Figure's. Seems pretty 'not so crazy', right?

[Side note: My older step siblings were also Survivors of Divorce from StepFather's first marriage. They had the same schedule Baby Sis and I had....the only plus in the whole mess.]

WRONG! This scheduling meant that Mother Figure crammed in as many family activities as possible on Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve we woke up at the most ungodly hour a child must be forced to endure. Every child and parent was showered, primped and dressed by 10AM. We all loaded into the car and headed to Event #1: Christmas Eve with Mom's Extended Family. It was a brunch and we ate and ate and ate and ate. Then we hurried out the door by 1 to make it to Event #2: Christmas Eve with Mom's Sister.

Mother Figure's Sister fed us 'early dinner' (4pm). Mind you we just sat in a car for two hours after eating our weight in food. Obviously the only logical thing to do was eat MORE!

Christmas Eve Event #3 started promptly @ 7 which meant we raced out from my aunt's to make it to Christmas Eve with StepFather's Mother and Extended Family. This little get-together never had any LESS than 60 people! And of course, the only way you're going to get 60 people in the same room together is promise them food. So................we eat............AGAIN!!!

Then at 9:30 we hustle ourselves out the door to make it home by 10, we change and get to church by 11.

FINALLY!!!!! At 12:30 we limp our way home one final time and the kids are finally allowed to do the ONE thing they've been wanting to do all day, open some freaking presents!

Then @ 8AM, all children are DRAGGED from their comfy, toasty warm beds to have Christmas Breakfast as a Family. And then promptly at 10AM the kids were handed off.

Rinse. Shampoo in Different Family. Repeat till Parents are Satisfied.

The One in Which I Spill My Guts

2006-11-16T22:19:00.000-06:00

I've been blogging for a long, long time (January 2003). It started as an escape--a place I retreated to in order to get my thoughts organized. Since that time, blogging evolved and began serving many other purposes. It became the manner in which I stayed in touch with people I loved but couldn't be near. Then blogging acted as a place to share thoughts with those very close to me in a way I was not able to in face to face situations.

Then it all went 'kablooey'! I blogged about a struggle I was having. I was beginning to depend on alcohol more and more and I began to document my battles. Some of them I won and I wrote about them. Other times I was defeated and I wrote about those times as well. Suddenly I found myself sitting across from the Resident Director of my dorm.

I was informed that I was not allowed to document my struggles. Why? Well when I entered Tiny Christian University I signed a document that bound me to a certain lifestyle for as long as I was a student. Basically no sex, drugs or alcohol. So after being told the staff "is very supportive of students stuck in sin battles," I was slapped with ONE CALENDAR year of 'Moral Probation' and sentenced to weekly meetings with a sappy, out of touch, sheltered student mentor. And once every month I have to meet with Residence Life staff to 'discuss my progress'.

I was informed that since I was a leader in the eyes of our campus community, it wasn't in everyone's best interest to see me struggling. I was told directly, "People know you! You can't be struggling with something like that!"

(Yes, I'm serious.) So what has this mess accomplished. Not a whole helluva lot. I still struggle with alcohol, I just hide it better. I finally quit writing about it and when I did that, I stopped acknowledging my drinking altogether. The meetings accomplished nothing except pushing me farther into my secret life and bringing out my depression and wreaking havoc in my own PROFESSIONAL therapy.

What did I learn? I need to write. I need to process. I need to deoompress. So here I am, hopefully somewhat hidden. We shall see.

Someone Take the 'Creepy Guy Magnet' Off My Back!

2006-11-13T13:29:00.000-06:00

A Creepy Guy is someone who…

Stares, leers, undresses me with his eyes or just generally fixes his on my person for long amounts of time without blinking

Example: I’m not oblivious to guys checking me out, in fact I quite enjoy it. It’s the blatant staring I have a problem with! There is this guy in my Ed Psych class that stares at me. Every class period he deliberately turns his desk around so his profile is towards the front of the room and his ugly mug is pointed full on in my direction. Then he just STARES…sometimes open-mouthed….making a weird breathing sound with the back of his tongue. CREEPY!!!

Doesn’t speak when spoken to

Example: I had a lab partner that wouldn’t talk to me. I started off with the simple, “How did your weekend go?” but had to move on quickly to the tough stuff like, “Would you please hand me that beaker?” He would talk to every other girl in class except ME! HIS LAB PARTNER!! He eventually dropped the class.

Smells like feet, B.O., dirty jock straps, urine, or illegal substances

Example: There is this guy that used to be in choir with me that smelled so strongly of BO that I literally got nauseous sitting next to him. It was so bad that I spent a semester and a half doing everything in my power to avoid sitting next to him. Wouldn’t you know?? On spring tour, guess who had to stand next to Mr. Odiferous? Go on, guess. That’s right! Yours truly. And we performed every night…sometimes twice….under hot stage lights….and we sweated like pigs. Yeah, Mom? That’s why I looked green in most of our promotional pictures.

Has not apparently showered in more than 96 hours

C’mon guys! We’re not homeless. These are white-bred upper middle class guys I’m talking about here. Take a freaking shower.

Asks weird/probing/personal questions about you before he has even introduced himself

Example: This scene takes place in church just last Sunday with a guy I had never seen in my life.

Creepy Asian Guy: (walking right up with no introduction) You look Asian. Are you Korean?
ME: Ummm, well…uhh, no. I’m not. **Insert Big Sappy, Welcome to Our Church Smile*
CAG: You’re not Korean?
ME: No. **Still keep BSWTOCS plastered to your face!**
CAG: Oh. (thinks for moment) Are you Chinese?
ME: (smile falters for a brief second) Um, no. I’m Latina.
CAG: Oh. So you’re not Asian?
ME: No. I’m Peruvian and Nicaraguan. 100% Latina. **Re-apply BSWTOCS**
CAG: Really? I thought you looked Korean.
ME: I gathered that. **BSWTOCS**

Sends off vibes that instinctively set you into ‘Fight or Flight’ mentality

Example: I went to a bar a few weeks ago (*gasp* Naughty!) and while I was there I procured a stalker. This guy would not stop following my group of friends around and after we did a few laps around the place just to make sure he was indeed stalking, we paid our tab and hauled our cute butts out of there! I think Jenny actually left smoke trails. (All of us had on clothes that cost us WAAAY too much and therefore did not lend themselves nicely to fighting, otherwise we would have totally stayed and kicked some Creepy butt.)(Hah.)

Asks me out on dates when I have made it explicitly clear I don’t want to have anything to do with you

Example: This guy Frank at church. (PS: Moms don’t name your kids Frank. That name alone gives me the creeps!)(PPS: If you already have, so sorry. Please ignore that comment.) He met me a handful of times before I left for the summer to go to Maine and be a camp counselor. It would also needs to be noted that before I left I had been dating my boyfriend [a leader in my church] since February and we were together (still are in fact) while this email conversation happened. Here is the literally untouched email. (I’ve erased dates, times and names to protect the Innocent…and the Creepy.)

Cassie:

Question 1: What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
Question 2: What are all the toppings you will not eat on Pizza, Sanwich's, Hot Dogs, or any other food you can think of?
Question 3: Would you consider talking to/going out with someone you don't know that well? (Like me for example...)

Frank
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Frank:

1. A Rueben sandwich w/o the sauerkraut.
2. Umm....I don't eat hotdogs and nothing goes on them if I do As for the other foods, I’m not really picky.
3. I don’t know if you realized this, but I’m dating [Insert Special Male Friend’s Name Here]. We’ve been quietly seeing each other since February. I’m flattered that you asked, but I’m happy with the relationship I’m in currently.

Cassie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aww! The Sauerkraut is the Best Part! Otherwise, you're just eating a fatty-meat sandwich!... As for the other thing, do you want to get to know me, or not 'cause you're dating someone else? I also have to get to know people first, but a lot of times people don't think they want to get to know me, and I don't understand why... People who know me tell me all the time that I'm approachable. I even see new people come up to me and ask me questions, or for help, So I see that I am approachable. I guess the one exception is when people are talking about Love, then maybe they don't see me as approachable, even though I am. I don't make fools out of people for asking me things that are of a romantic nature, 'cause I know how that feels. So, just be assured that I am approachable if you want to wait 'til after your sebaticle to even think about getting to know me. Ok? That's all I really wanted, was to let people know that I'm available and that I won't laugh at them for asking if I'm single or whatever. Have I said more than a passing aquaintance should have? I don't know. TTYL.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Uh huh. Right. Sure. Okay…**slowly backing away** I’m just going to go over here, show my boyfriend the emails and let HIM handle things. CREEPY!!!!

So as you can see, I seem to have a ‘Creepy Guy Magnet’ stuck to my back. (Please note that my boyfriend a.k.a. Special Man Friend is very normal and would never be confused for creepy! He’s also much bigger and scarier than I am which is why I punked out and let HIM talk to Frank.)

Things I've Picked Up Along the Way

2006-11-10T19:32:00.000-06:00

1) Guys are wonderful and hurtful and loving and dumb and fun to be around and annoy the crap out of you and are fun to look at and pull your ponytail and don’t have cooties and are really gross and break your heart and love you to pieces.

2) A college student IS physically capable of being awake AND functional by 7:30 AM. It’s neither fun nor pretty but it IS possible.

3) Chips last a lot longer if you keep the bag closed.

4) PMS sucks…always.

5) High School is not the end of the world, or the greatest years of your life...neither is college.

6) Call when you say you’re going to.

7) Don’t eat Crayons…or Play-Doh.

8) The best way to sleep is with the window open, rain falling and a warm body next to you.

9) Forever can be short…or long, depending on how you look at it and who you have to spend it with.

10) It's more fun to go to the mall and not buy a thing…just watch the people.

11) Parents are fantastic to keep around for advice, but their opinions shouldn’t be the end all, be all of your existence.

12) We should use the word “fantastic” more often.

13) Therapists are a wonderful thing. Everyone should see one at some point.

14) Having a baby isn’t nearly as scary as you think it would be…placing her for adoption is.

15) ‘Guy World’ is a very, very, very scary place. When you find that one great guy who can give you an honest glimpse into it, be warned…it’s frightening.

16) Learn from your mistakes. There are so many to make, it sucks when you keep making the same ones over and over.

17) “Your” and “you’re” are two very, very different words…make sure you know the difference. (No one makes me CRAZIER than a person that screws this up!!)

18) Life is a lot more like a merry-go-round than some people want to admit.

19) Always be the teacher’s pet…always. It can never HURT you.

20) Be aggressive in buffet lines.

21) Sharing is caring. OVER-sharing is just plain rude.

22) Girls are fickle…always…for the rest of your life.

23) Barbie does not create an unhealthy body image…our parents do.

24) Speak your mind, but don’t do it in a way that makes people want to slap you.

25) Girls talk about poop, passing gas, raunchy sex and other disgusting/not girly things!

26) Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are a little taste of heaven on earth when made just right.

27) We are ALL our own flavor of dork.

28) Stepping out in blind faith can be thrilling, terrifying, relaxing, and liberating…all at the same time.

29) Girls pick out their clothes for the first day of school months in advance. Boys do it that same day…you can tell.

30) Girls want to have sex just as much as guys do, we’re just more suave about the whole thing.

31) There is no “S” at the end of ‘anyway’.

32) I’ve NEVER known what it’s like to work a 9-5 job…neither have any of my parents.

33) I have been blessed with the gift of intuitiveness…and the gift of gab.

34) Parents are human...so are professors.

35) After a certain time at night you start to see double…regardless of whether or not you’ve been drinking.

Sassie Cassie Blaine

Randomness is the Name of the Game

Nabbed From Mrs. Chili!

Why I Love My Life

My Life is a Romantic Comedy

I'm A REAL Update

Life Is Too Nutty For a REAL Update, SO Sorry!

Spring Has Sprung.....Though Not Quite As High Because of The Extra Weight

The New Job.

The Recap

The One With All The Dates

Ten Things Tuesday

I'm Finally Employed!

Season Two, Episode 1

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY TO SPECIAL MAN FRIEND!!

We're Kind of a Riot

Lordy!

My Lame Excuse of An Update

The One with the Text Messages

The One Where Cassie Tries Not to Get Hit On....AGAIN!

PS:

The One About Finals Week.....Another One

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

The One With the Prayer

The One Where I Explain Why I Chose a Tiny Christian University

The One With the Election

The One with SMF and Cassie Talking to Each Other

The One where I Just Ramble While I Work Things Out

The One where I Can't Stop Talking About T & A

The One with The Tour Updates

The One with The Updates

The One in Which I LOSE MY MIND!

The One with My Mother and The Jelly.

The One with the Valentine's Day Presents!

The One That Explains EVERYTHING!

The One in Which SMF Guest Authors...And Makes Me Cry.

The One with the Super Bowl

The One with the Sasie Note

The One with Part II

The One with A Part II

The One with the Tickets and the Linebacker!

The One That's REALLY Just Plain Random

The One with ANOTHER List

The One That has The Test and The Whining...Oh, THE WHINING!

The One That has That Song a.k.a.The One that Makes You Gag

The One in Which I Get a Gift and Post a Retraction

The Sass is Back!

Just Checking In

Ummmm.....So, Yeah??

Holiday Meme

So....Yeah.

Wedding Wackoness Take 2! (Edited for Content)

It's All About the Numbers

Two Down....One to Go

***Update***

Finals 2006! WOO!! Show Us Your Boobs!!!!

*sigh*

RE: HELP! HELP! HELP!

HELP! HELP! HELP!

Today's In Class Writing Assignment

YAY!! YAY!! YAY!! YAY!!

Day 2 of Gut Spilling

Another Gut Spillage

Here's the Story of Two Lovely Sisters

Holiday Madness...No Really, This is Craziness!

The One in Which I Spill My Guts

Someone Take the 'Creepy Guy Magnet' Off My Back!

Things I've Picked Up Along the Way

Update

sigh