Season Two, Episode 1
So how did SMF and I finally end it??? Not easily that's for sure! (But when are those things ever EASY?!??!?)
So, for entertainment's sake I'm going to provide a timeline that should vaguely recreate my Achy Breaky Heart's Journey to Healing....sort of.
Day 1: Sob. Sob sob sob. Google "nooses" and "proper method of tying."
Day 2: SOB SOB SOB OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO DIE. BABY SIS, TIE ME A NOOSE.
Day 3 - Day 10: Etc.
Day 11: Um, fuck this. Kind of. But, additionally: SOB.
Day 12: Ooo, love those shoes! You know, mourning is...boring, a little. Hmm.
Day 13: Actually? Fuck this hard. No more mourning! I am buying me some lady shoes!
Day 14: NO SERIOUSLY. YOU GUYS, KNOW WHAT. I HAVE MADE A COMMAND DECISION HERE. NO MORE MOURNING. I MEAN IT THIS TIME.
Day 15: YEAH.
Day 16-18: Yeeeaaaah.
(sob.)
Day 19: NO THAT IS RIGHT. FUCK THIS AGAIN. I hereby decide that from now on, ALL I WANT is to be happy. It is time for a shift in perspective! Shift shift shift! I am going to just be happy, with a minimum of sobbing, and a maximum of new shoes. HA. That is called "having goals."
Day 20: Here I am, minding my own business and enjoying my newly shifted perspective! Vegging while reading emails when I come across an email from SMF. Sobbing ensues.
Day 21: What does he MEAN he MIGHT have made a mistake?!?!?!? What a #$@#%!! Baby Sis, come here and help me write an email response that doesn't make me sound clingy and sobby.
Day 21, Part II: OMG!!! Baby Sis, he responded!! Quick! Open it....tell me what it says. Hang on! Don't! But maybe...yes, go ahead. Wait! We have Ben & Jerry's right?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE SAID IT WAS A DRUNK EMAIL?!?!?!?!? Who does that??!?!?!? SOB!
Day 22 - Day 28:
Day 29 - Day 40: Alright! Here we are, Baby Sis! At the gym! Executing plan "Fuck You SMF! Look, I'm Still Hot! And I'll Prove It When I Shed These 10 Extra Ben & Jerry's Pounds!"
Day 41 - 50: Okay, enough with the gym. I'm moving on! Let the shoe shopping and the parade of hot successful men beating down my door commence!
So here I am, Day Eleventy Billion, still waiting for the Hot Parade to start. Although, I'm not really all that enthusiastic to hit the dating scene.
I'm finally enjoying singledom!!! For the first time in FIVE years I do NOT have to worry about someone else's feelings or needs!! I can go to bed without having a long, drawn out tucking in phone call. I can disappear to the Library for hours on end (did I mention I'm unemployed again?) and have no one pester me with text messages. I love that when I DO occasionally make eyes at the hottie behind the S*Bux counter I don't have to feel guilty. And when a guy at the local brewery tells me I have a cute smile, I can flirt shamelessly and ENJOY IT!
As far as blogging is concerned, I think it took me so long to make it back here because I had lived a certain life here for all of you and somehow I thought it was going to be different without SMF in it. Like, I wouldn't have anything funny or valuable to write about without him in my life.
And all of my stewing and self-examination had finally shown me that was how I had been LIVING my life as well! My self-worth had slowly been determined by how much he cared about me. And that is never a good place to be. So, things had to change....and boy did they!
So now, I live in IL and SMF has moved out to Norfolk, VA. Things ended on good terms and for no REAL reason other than the fact that both of us were looking for different things. We were perfect for one another during a very specific time in our lives. And now, we were no longer those same people....in fact, we were hindering each other's personal growth. We decided that we both wanted the other person to be happier than we were and therefore we both needed to go our separate ways in search of that happiness.
And now I'm back to living my life how I see fit. Everyday things seem a little brighter and my future is not so uncertain. I have plans to start at the local community college in the summer and I want to finish my degree in 18 months.
Things have certainly changed a lot since the last time we tuned in but I believe Season 2 is going to be infinitely better than last season. New plot lines, new characters and OF COURSE the ensuing drama when I finally DO decide to pursue the hotties.
Check ya later friends,
~Cass
1 comment:
Sweetie, I have so much to say. The FIRST thing I want to mention is that this space is YOURS. You do not - let me repeat that; DO NOT - have to cater your message or your writing style or anything to suit ANYONE but YOU. We who love you will follow your adventures regardless.
Second, I was happy to hear that you're coming to certain realizations regarding your relationship with SMF. Stuff changes; people change and circumstances change and... well, you get the idea. That you recognize that you were right for each other then, but that you're not now is a big deal. Yay for you. That's going to make a HUGE difference in your life when you DO meet a hottie (and you WILL. I mean, hell; you've got all those cute shoes now, right?)
MWAH!
Chili
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