I'm A REAL Update

Well, you know how it goes. Life throws you a curve ball and you duck, fall on the ground, and lay there stunned for a while. Thankfully the curve ball wasn't necessarily BAD just...different.

First off, I am LOVING my job. The first two weeks were a little rough while I settled into the idea of not being as mentally stimulated as I would like to be at my work. When the oldest person you talk to during the day has only begun exploring the concept of complete sentences in the last twenty-four months, your job CAN BE a little under-stimulating! However, I have finally settled in and am now loving my days with those wee ones.

The two-year old is still cracking me up. Just the other day she walked up to me with her finger up her nose and told me, "Cassie! I can't git it out!" And believe it or not, she wasn't talking about her finger! Rather, she was giving me an update on a stubborn booger she had been fishing out for the past hour. Right now I'm just hoping that this job won't permanently kill any desires I may have had for children of my own. I also have a new found respect for stay-at-home Moms!!! (Oh my goodness, I don't think I have the mental strength to do it.) We'll see if that changes when they're my own!

As far as my living situation is concerned, I'm still at home with the parents. And truly hating every minute of it! In fact, just today I had a little power tussle with my Dad when he stuck his head in my door and asked if I was going to, "leave that bed" any time today. "Of course Dad! When I leave at 6:00 tonight to go to small group." was NOT the answer he was looking for apparently. (I happen to get Thursdays and Fridays off from the job. The family hired a part-time girl to work those days.) It makes my parents nuts that on my "weekends" I'd rather just slug around.

HOWEVER!!!! I may have a lead on a possible apartment. The guy my sister nannies with on the other side of town, is looking for a roomie! In fact, his rent would be $100 cheaper than the rent I'm paying here at my parents'. He and I have become fast friends over the past three months and we could totally live with one another and not want to slit our wrists.

There is only ONE huge obstacle to this possible arrangement.
"You're secretly in love with him?" you ask. Nope! Totally platonic.
"He's a total slob?" No way! Neat as a pin.
"Well then he's a total womanizer and you'll have to deal with his revolving front door!" Actually Sam is a perfect gentleman and is between relationships right now.

So what's the problem? He has a cat!!! And while I am nearly perfect in every way, I do happen to have a severe sensitivity to cat dander. Plus...I hate cats; HIS cat in particular! I have been over to his place numerous times and my allergy meds can head off the WORST symptoms (still some eye itchiness) but his cat is an asshole! We have a mutual hate for one another. In fact, the very first time I EVER visited, the cat shit in my shoe!!!! Not joking...little steaming cat turds were in my shoe. It's been all downhill since then. I've tried feeding it, giving it treats, speaking nicely and petting it. All these attempts have been greeted by hissing, scratching, biting and I was sprayed once.

Sam is completely bewildered. Apparently Shithead usually LOVES girls! He has loved every one of Sam's exes and has never acted this hostile ever in his life. Sam adopted this cat as a kitten from the litter Sam's parents' cats had a little over a year ago. Ironically, Sam's parents' cats LOVE me! (We went over there just to test and see if there was any "genetic" linking to the Cassie hatred. There wasn't.) I jokingly asked Sam if he could trade Shithead for one of the Nice cats from his parents and once again I was hissed at and bit....this time it was Sam. So, right now my moving out is in a holding pattern....because of a cat!

Lastly, an update on the love life. For a while there I was having a little fun with a doctor friend of mine from church but I was really only dating him for the free food and to have a standing date on the weekends. He, on the other hand, was looking for something much more serious so we parted ways. I am just not ready to be anyone's girlfriend! (I am enjoying my freedom.)

There was also a change on the Ex-Special Man Friend front. Ever since he and I had called it quits back in October, we promised to remain "just friends". Sexually it was really easy to do because we are zillions of miles apart from one another, but emotionally, you don't just go from lovers to friends in one phone call. We were still talking everyday. He was still the first person I called whenever something big happened in my life and I was still his most trusted sounding board for all that was going on in his life.

So, on April 1, I decided to take a 90-day hiatus from all communication with him. I told him I needed to get my heart back! He was such an enormous part of my life that when he left for Virginia I felt like I was left with only half of myself...and not the good half! He agreed and we haven't spoken since. It has been incredibly weird not to talk to him everyday. For the first couple days I erased hundreds of text messages that I started out of habit. I found falling asleep almost impossible without my nightly tucking in phone call from him. I still shed some tears over the hole that's in my life right now but that hole will naturally fill-in as I continue to fill my life with new friends, new challenges and new adventures.

I have so much to look forward to I find myself getting up in the morning ANTICIPATING the things on the horizon. I am so very blessed (asshole cats and over-bearing parents aside). All in all, I am very much in love with my life right now. Could I imagine myself in a different life with different choices being made and with SMF still in it? Absolutely! Those images are never far from my imagination. But would I WANT that life? I can honestly say, no. And that's the point! I love my life just as it is and I can't wait to see what's in store around the next corner.

So take that, Life! Pitch all the curve balls you want...this girl will ALWAYS get back up to bat.

Season Two, Episode 1

So how did SMF and I finally end it??? Not easily that's for sure! (But when are those things ever EASY?!??!?)

So, for entertainment's sake I'm going to provide a timeline that should vaguely recreate my Achy Breaky Heart's Journey to Healing....sort of.

Day 1: Sob. Sob sob sob. Google "nooses" and "proper method of tying."

Day 2: SOB SOB SOB OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO DIE. BABY SIS, TIE ME A NOOSE.

Day 3 - Day 10: Etc.

Day 11: Um, fuck this. Kind of. But, additionally: SOB.

Day 12: Ooo, love those shoes! You know, mourning is...boring, a little. Hmm.

Day 13: Actually? Fuck this hard. No more mourning! I am buying me some lady shoes!

Day 14: NO SERIOUSLY. YOU GUYS, KNOW WHAT. I HAVE MADE A COMMAND DECISION HERE. NO MORE MOURNING. I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

Day 15: YEAH.

Day 16-18: Yeeeaaaah.

(sob.)

Day 19: NO THAT IS RIGHT. FUCK THIS AGAIN. I hereby decide that from now on, ALL I WANT is to be happy. It is time for a shift in perspective! Shift shift shift! I am going to just be happy, with a minimum of sobbing, and a maximum of new shoes. HA. That is called "having goals."

Day 20: Here I am, minding my own business and enjoying my newly shifted perspective! Vegging while reading emails when I come across an email from SMF. Sobbing ensues.

Day 21: What does he MEAN he MIGHT have made a mistake?!?!?!? What a #$@#%!! Baby Sis, come here and help me write an email response that doesn't make me sound clingy and sobby.

Day 21, Part II: OMG!!! Baby Sis, he responded!! Quick! Open it....tell me what it says. Hang on! Don't! But maybe...yes, go ahead. Wait! We have Ben & Jerry's right?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE SAID IT WAS A DRUNK EMAIL?!?!?!?!? Who does that??!?!?!? SOB!

Day 22 - Day 28: ((insert regression here)) Oh, and...SOB!

Day 29 - Day 40: Alright! Here we are, Baby Sis! At the gym! Executing plan "Fuck You SMF! Look, I'm Still Hot! And I'll Prove It When I Shed These 10 Extra Ben & Jerry's Pounds!"

Day 41 - 50: Okay, enough with the gym. I'm moving on! Let the shoe shopping and the parade of hot successful men beating down my door commence!

So here I am, Day Eleventy Billion, still waiting for the Hot Parade to start. Although, I'm not really all that enthusiastic to hit the dating scene.

I'm finally enjoying singledom!!! For the first time in FIVE years I do NOT have to worry about someone else's feelings or needs!! I can go to bed without having a long, drawn out tucking in phone call. I can disappear to the Library for hours on end (did I mention I'm unemployed again?) and have no one pester me with text messages. I love that when I DO occasionally make eyes at the hottie behind the S*Bux counter I don't have to feel guilty. And when a guy at the local brewery tells me I have a cute smile, I can flirt shamelessly and ENJOY IT!

As far as blogging is concerned, I think it took me so long to make it back here because I had lived a certain life here for all of you and somehow I thought it was going to be different without SMF in it. Like, I wouldn't have anything funny or valuable to write about without him in my life.

And all of my stewing and self-examination had finally shown me that was how I had been LIVING my life as well! My self-worth had slowly been determined by how much he cared about me. And that is never a good place to be. So, things had to change....and boy did they!

So now, I live in IL and SMF has moved out to Norfolk, VA. Things ended on good terms and for no REAL reason other than the fact that both of us were looking for different things. We were perfect for one another during a very specific time in our lives. And now, we were no longer those same people....in fact, we were hindering each other's personal growth. We decided that we both wanted the other person to be happier than we were and therefore we both needed to go our separate ways in search of that happiness.

And now I'm back to living my life how I see fit. Everyday things seem a little brighter and my future is not so uncertain. I have plans to start at the local community college in the summer and I want to finish my degree in 18 months.

Things have certainly changed a lot since the last time we tuned in but I believe Season 2 is going to be infinitely better than last season. New plot lines, new characters and OF COURSE the ensuing drama when I finally DO decide to pursue the hotties.

Check ya later friends,
~Cass

Lordy!

Why, I DO declare!! It has been WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too long since my last update. For those of you dying to know (or those of you who are procrastinating at work), life has been moving pretty quickly lately.

1) I have moved to Rockford, IL to live my father and his family. This has been a tremendous blessing in disguise seeing as I was not expecting so much support and concern for my well-being. (More on that at a later date....possibly, or you may just have to trust me without an explanation.)

2) I am currently in the process of trying to find a FULL-TIME job in retail. (I know, I should just keep dreamin' and get a REAL job for crying out loud.) I was bitten by the Retail Bug six years ago and it has taken me this long to realize that retail is just what I do best! Not school, not administrative stuff, RETAIL! So, I'm attempting to take the next step in my career by being hired on as an assistant manager.... somewhere.... anywhere.... PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY WOULD SOMEONE JUST HIRE ME???? Ann Taylor? Chico's??? KMart?!?!?! Bueller? Bueller?

3) One of the many ripples I am dealing with from moving out here is that I no longer am able to get to church on a regular basis. So this leaves me stranded in Rockford without face-to-face contact with my friends, boyfriend and church family. It blows goats, yo!! However, as soon as I get a job I will have a car to use and will therefore be going to church regularly (when I'm not required to work). Le sigh....

4) Distance and lack of "date" opportunities have resulted in Special Man Friend and I becoming rather cranky and snippy with one another. I wouldn't say things are TURBULENT, we're just edgy and anxious. Currently we are both in a state of limbo regarding some big things in our lives but once the last couple pieces fall into place, we will be able to start seeing one another more regularly and that will help with the grumpiness. Until then.....we're both pretty lucky there ARE so many miles between the two of us. I'm relatively certain one of us would be dead by now if we lived in the same zip code.....and boy would I miss him.

5) Will I EVER go back to school???? More than likely. Do I have an exact idea of how much time I plan on taking off before I go back? Not at all. Am I even remotely concerned with that aspect of my life right at this very moment? Nope....and that's okay. I know that I will one day go back to school because in order to get where I want to go in my career, I will need a degree. (Yup, even in RETAIL they expect it. LOL!) However I feel no need to jump back into the school routine right at this moment. Things are fine as is, and I'm content to leave them that way for the time being.

6) I am a broke freakin' joke right now! Last week I had eleven dollars in my bank account but had to spend ten of them on Time of The Month Products. (Lame!) This depressing detail has resulted in my father trying to cheer me up.....constantly.....with wine. The man is determined to turn me into a wine connoseur by the time I'm thirty. Bless my dad's little heart though, he and I will bust open a bottle of wine, pop up some Orville Redenbacher and sit till the wee hours of the morning solving all the problems of the world. He's a wonderful guy and I am truly blessed to have this opportunity to make up for lost time with him. (Although I will admit I haven't gone to bed drunk this many consecutive nights ever before in my life...AND I WAS A SORORITY GIRL!)

I think that just about covers everything. I'm now living in a new city, with new people, a new outlook on life, and a new appreiciation for fermented grapes. Judging by that, I'd say things are splendid!

And now if you'll excuse me, I have a hot date with the classifieds. Fantastic!

The One About Finals Week.....Another One

I almost forgot to ring in Bobby's favorite time of year!!! And since I cannot deny my all-time favorite blog-crush his happiness.....here it is:


Finals Week 2007!!!! Wooooo!!!! Show us your boobs!!!!!


Well, now that we have the blessed event firmly established I can move on, yes???

In honor of college students everywhere (and in honor of the fact that I REAAAAAAAALLY shouldn't be wasting my time screwing around on the internet) I'm going to post lists! (I know, you can hardly contain yourselves.)

You know you're a college student if.....

1) You feel it necessary to put every little thing you do in your away message. (Potty break!!!! BRB!)

2) When you say, "Next year" you mean "In the fall".

3) "What's your major?" is your default pick-up line.

4) You've written a check for a pack of gum.

5) Ramen Noodles are a food group and Domino's is on speed dial.

6) It no longer bothers you to shower with shoes on.

7) A baseball cap and chewing gum count as personal hygiene.

8) You've done laundry at 4 a.m because you were bored and couldn't think of anything better. (Bonus points if it was a Friday night!)

9) You've bought a book for $150 without batting an eyelash.

10) Fifteen weeks later you sell the same unused book back for $7.....without batting an eyelash.

11) Milk crate furniture is considered classy.

12) You're a Tater Tot Casserole connoisseur.
"Ah yes, a good orange block-cheese aroma. 1998 was a good year for Tots. Excellent vintage. Would go best with meatloaf."

13) You've fallen asleep in class......during an exam.....a verbal exam.

14) You can tell what time it is by the noise level in the hallway.
2 AM = enough noise to make dead people wear earplugs;
2 PM = just beginning to hear the sounds of people stirring.

15) "Getting up early" means getting up before noon.

16) Your outside information source is MTV news.

17) You don't need a stove because you have a microwave.

18) You know the exact closing time of all the drive thru windows, within a 10 mile radius.

19) Going "out to dinner" means going to one of those drive thrus.

20) All of your wordly possesions fit into one Honda Civic.....in one trip.

21) You're relieved when you find one pair of underwear in your drawer because
it means you have two more days until you need to do laundry!

22) 5 hours of sleep is considered a lot.

23) You've begged, borrowed and stolen 100 pennies to trade in at student accounting for four quarters.

24) Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero are your workout routines.

25) You get pants-soilingly excited about getting mail.

If College Students Wrote the Bible

*The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning--cold.
*The Ten Commandments would actually be only five--double-spaced and written in a large font.
*New edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
*Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
*Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.
*Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
*Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask for directions and look like freshmen.
*Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

And because it's fun, an "SMF and Cassie Talk to Each Other" moment brought to you by the letter X--for HOLY CRAP THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE!
Cass: What are you eating????
Special Man Friend: Ice Cream
Cass: That's how I'm going to get what I want when we're married huh?
SMF: Try sex first.



So, there ya go! It is now time for me to go write some term papers and practice some presentations that are worth ghastly amounts points towards my final grade. Later Taters, I'm off like a herd o' turtles!

This has been reposted from a different blog I have. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent....namely, me.

*sigh* I don't know if any of you can relate, but sometimes I just HATE studying the Bible like it's a textbook. I understand that we're at a Christian university--we need to take Bible classes. Fine, I get it. I will admit that in these required classes I have learned a lot that I hadn't known before.....placing your hand under your Father's thigh was a way of taking an oath. Who knew?? FASCINATING!!! That revelation has completely opened my eyes to God's Word and has deepened my understanding of His message of Salvation. But moving on...

I was just released from one of the most frustrating class meetings I have ever had while here at Tiny Christian University. Doc Rock's New Testament class was taught by her TA today. Judging by the doofy clothes, the smug attitude and the way he threw words like, "Ecclesiology", "Gnosticism", and "Orthopraxis" around, he had SEM STUDENT written all over him. The classroom's reaction was almost instantaneous: "Alright you self-righteous jerk....what have you got to say?" This guy gained no respect BECAUSE he demanded acknowledgment of his authority. We were rolling our eyes and scrounging for other homework long before he uttered his first word. However, despite all this I decided to give the guy my full attention. I figured, "Hey. He's not studying to be a teacher (which is a problem in itself), he's studying to be a Biblical scholar...I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he has something worthwhile to say." Ugh, now I remember why it's dumb to ASSUME*.....

Today's lecture was supposed to be about the history and significance of 1 & 2 Timothy and Titus. I was actually looking forward to hearing more about these Pastoral Epistles especially after hearing such a magnificent and challenging speaker in chapel. Dr. Brenda's message was that our generation's time is NOW for furthering and impacting God's kingdom. It was powerful but I'm getting off topic!

When I read 1 & 2 Tim and Titus I see the personal letter of a mentor to his disciples...the sons Paul never had. I see the care, concern and conviction a pastor has for his young leaders. Two things happen when I read these letters: 1. I gain encouragement to not be afraid of young age. God will use ALL ages to lead and guide His church. We are never to be intimidated by those older than us. Respectful? Absolutely! Intimidated? No! 2. I feel as though I am reading someone else's mail. The tenderness and love that is evident in these letters makes me almost embarassed to to read them.

Dr. Wannabe completely missed the point! Wanna know what we spent a MAJORITY of our time discussing???? Objections to the credibility of Pauline authorship and DATE of authorship. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? Okay....I understand that as educated Christians we should know that such debates exist. I get it. HOWEVER, I fail to understand the need to spend 35 minutes discussing these two subjects in an Undergrad-Intro-Core Requirement class. There were so many other places he could have gone with his lecture.

I guess my biggest objections are twofold. 1) Don't be a jerk. We may be undergrads, we may be less knowledgable about how to use the Library of Congress numbering system, heck we might not even know we HAVE a library on this campus, but we are all in college! We are here to learn and we all have brains. Do NOT speak to me as though I'm 6 and I have never picked up the Bible. I LITERALLY sat on my hands every time Prof. In His Dreams asked if there were questions. I had the strongest urge to say, "Yes. I have a question. How old are you? Because I'm 23 and I doubt you are MORE than a few months older than I am so would you please stop talking to me like you have SO MUCH more brain power than I do. In fact there are SOME students here that are OLDER than you are! And also, would you please remove that smug smile and fake pastor voice before I walk up there and slap you?" (I wonder what his reaction would have been....he'd probably hit me with his Concordance.)

The other problem. He had NO passion! Oh sure, I could almost SEE his panties bunching while he discussed the support for Pauline authorship. And when he finally jumped up and down on THAT dead horse for the last time, he moved on to the debate over date of authorship. He practically started frothing at the mouth due to his excitement over the evidence which supported a 4th Missionary Journey. Yippee skippee! I ask you, WHO ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH CARES?!?!?!? I mean bsides this guy and COUNTLESS other scholars who've dedicated their LIVES to arguing these facts (wich I think is pitiful).

Despite all of this, I didn't see the spark--the fire in his belly. I didn't see Dr. Bore getting charged up about what these letters SAID. Paul is passing on the torch!!! Which after many, many centuries has finally been passed to us! That is why we are here....at college....to take the torch and follow Paul's instructions to "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses" (1 Tim 6:12).

I missed all that and ultimately, that's what made me sad and frustrated. The fact that this young man, paled by the halogen lights of the Library and aged beyond his years due to scholarly talk, had missed this passionate and soul-wrenching instruction broke my heart. I hurt for this man's future congregation. Whoever his future church is will hire one the most educated, scholarly men from Seminary and therefore pass up a man with a keen sense of what God's Word is really SAYING!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The One With the Election

We lost. :'-( Yes, Mrs Chili, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. I cried. I pouted. I yelled at people I wasn't really angry with. I said nasty things to SMF and then I cried some more. There also may have been large amounts of chocolate chip cookie dough consumed.....MAY HAVE BEEN!

We lost. It was ugly....one of the three candidates received 50% of the votes. I was sad. My running mate was devastated. We ranted. We raved. We cried. We kicked ourselves and our efforts. We yelled at people we weren't really angry with and we said nasty things to our significant others. We plotted graphic murder plots involving our competitors.


AND!!!!! I'm okay now. I did all of those things last night and I haven't done any of them SINCE last night. I apologized to the people I offended. I smoothed SMF's feathers. I turned my frown upside down. I congratulated the winners. I started raving about how cool it was that Mr. New Pres received half of the votes. I also may have felt a wee bit nauseous most of the day and MAY HAVE not been able to get into my favorite cute jeans......but cookie dough is OH SO GOOD! (And it heals oh so many hurts.)

ALSO!!!! I was elected as Secretary (which I spelled SecretarTy...twice. Paging Dr. Freud??) for Concert Choir next year. AND!!!! I was placed in a discipleship role in my suite next year. AND!!!! My application was accepted to work on Women's Ministry Council!!!


AWESOME!!! So all is not lost, I'm going to be a busy, busy girl next year. And in fact, if I HAD won the election I would have been forced to turn down the other three posistions.

Buenos Noches Internets!!!

I assume you're all sitting on the edge of your chairs waiting for an update. It has been a whirlwind of activity over here at Tiny Christian University. Yours truly has been campaigning like a madwoman since Monday.

That's right gentle readers....Rock the Vote 2007!! This Sassie Cassie Blaine is running for Student Body Vice President!!! Wahoo! My Presidential running mate and I have been enduring an intense schedule this week.

Monday: Gathered supplies for posters, balloons, mailbox stuffers, cookie frosting, debate materials, and the Rally.

Tuesday: Papered the Campus, Round #1. Posters focused on getting our faces and slogan in front of students' faces.

Wednesday: Frosted 380 cookies with our campaign colors (red/white/blue) in the dining hall to hand out to students.

Thursday: Stuffed 974 mailboxes with little cards displaying our emblem and slogan, "If you want a voice, make the SMART choice!" (We attached Smartees candies to each card.) AND Paper the Campus, Round #2. These posters focused on when students could vote and our campaign platform: "SGA [Student Government Association] should empower students to impact change, by creating relationships with administration, enabling communication, and strengthening Christian community on this campus." (Pretty good, eh?? The Debate is where we will unpack those three main ideas and explain what each looks like.)

Friday: Handing out red/blue balloons in the academic building. (Did you know it's like eleventy billion dollars to rent two helium tanks?!?!?)

Saturday: Debate prep ALL DAY!! Paper the Campus, Round #3. These posters will focus on when the Debate and elections are taking place.

Sunday: Debates start promptly at 9pm. (Personally I feel most solid about this. The Pres and I are pumped for Sunday! We feel we have the strongest, most thought-out platform of all three tickets running.)

Monday: Elections starting at 7 AM and going until 7 PM. I'm so sorry, but they don't take votes via email. They have this pesky rule about all voters needing to be current Tiny Christian University students!!!! Totally lame. Trust me....I was ready to have SMF stack the votes. He's totally charming, female election judges would be putty in his hands. (Hey! Don't give me that look. This is politics....not church!!!)

Tuesday: Throw a party or cry.

WHEW!!!!

Needless to say, trying to maintain this break neck pace has nearly killed me. Classes have been a blur and I'm not gonna say the s-word, but I think I'm getting s-ck!!! (Shhhhh. Don't tell my body, I'm gonna keep it a secret until Tuesday when I can finally crawl in bed and die!) My throat feels like it's going to jump out and bite me, suite mates are frying eggs on my forehead, and baseball players are using my glands for batting practice. But I'm not S-ICK!!!!! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not! SHHHHHHH. Don't say it.

The One with SMF and Cassie Talking to Each Other

Since you heartless bloggers have no emotions and could care less about hearfelt entries (except you Polli!) I'll give you what you came here to get. Pointless Toilet Humor!!!! Woo hoo!

LEGAL NOTICE: These are actual conversations. Any intent to take quotes out of context or misquote certain speakers due to lack of electronic recording devices is entirely purposeful. The author does not consider this libel and therefore sex cannot be witheld as some sort of punishment (that means YOU Special!). In all fairness to the speakers, these conversations have been recorded since March 1, 2007 and oftentimes speakers were unaware notes were being taken. In other words, these are authentic twenty-somethings in their natural habitats.

It is now time for another edition of:

WHAT ROMANCE SOUNDS LIKE

Special Man Friend: I need a rub-down.
ME (The Stunningly Gorgeous, Cassie Blaine) : Oh yeah?
SMF: With oils….
ME: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Sorry. I just got this image of you sliding around the room like a greased pig!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
SMF: And you call ME the unromantic one.



ME: Look! My hair is almost long enough to censor explicit materials!
SMF: So many ways to go...so little brain power to figure out which one to choose!
ME: That could be due to the fact that all the blood has drained out of your head because you won't quit staring at my explicit materials.



ME: I wonder if our parents and the church would let us live together because it’s cheaper.
SMF: Probably not.
ME: What if we told them it was a TWO bedroom apartment.
SMF: Try it. See what happens.
ME: So basically the only way we could live together is if we had cool parents and we were heathen.
SMF: Basically.



ME: What should I call your apartment in my blog?
SMF: “The Apartment”?
ME: That's poetic! [pause] Well, what do you call my dorm in your blog?
SMF: The All-Girls Dorm Where the Panties-Only Tickle Fights Start Promptly at 9.
ME: That sounds like a porn title!
SMF: Not really, it’s too long. If it were a porno it would be Nasty Christian Co-eds in Panties or something.
ME: At least that’s more ACCURATE!
SMF: Now there’s some images for the Spank Bank!



SMF: Know why non-Christian guys attend Christian schools?
ME: Why?
SMF: Cuz good Christian girls drop their panties faster than bad secular girls do.



ME: I wonder if anyone has ever used Glamour Shots for their passport photo.
SMF: Is that REALLY what you think about?!?



SMF: How were the Kindergartners today?
ME: Well, we worked on the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
SMF: Oh, yeah? How’d that go?
ME: Well we got as far as identifying the main characters…Sha-shack, Mee-mack and Abiggo.
SMF: That’s pretty good!
ME: You’ll know I’ve completely lost my mind if I EVER say I want to be a teacher. Don’t ask any questions, just put me in a home and get remarried.



ME: Now really, what do you want your apartment to be called?
SMF: It’s your blog, you make something up.
SMF’S ROOMATE: How about ‘The LoveShack’
SMF: Yeah! Or ‘The Rumba Room’
SMFR: Or ‘The Lair of the Horizontal-Mambo Masters”.
SMF: ‘The Virginity Depository’!!
ME: Alright! So...'Romper Room' it is.



SMF: I really wish you’d change my character name on your blog. It sounds like I’m Special because I have Special Needs or something.
ME: You mean you don’t?!?



ME: Know why good Christian girls attend Christian schools??
SMF: Why?
ME: Because NO ONE drops their panties faster than a good Christian boy!
SMF: I suppose that makes ME exhibit A.



SMF: I’ve decided I don’t like wearing boxers with my scrubs.
ME: Oh yeah?
SMF: Yeah. Things bounce around too much.
ME: Sounds painful.
SMF: It’s not too bad until about the tenth time in a week, you’re standing behind a chair, you turn to do something and it ‘bounces’ into the back of the chair.
ME: [looking up from book] It took you ten times to figure this out?!?



ME: So was that our first real fight?
SMF: No. We’ve had worse ones than that.
ME: Nuh uh! When?!?
SMF: How bout when you were in Maine?
ME: That doesn’t count!! I was too drunk to know we were fighting.
SMF: AH-HA!!! I win! I win! I win! I win!!!!
ME: Win what?!?
SMF: We were fighting about whether or not you were drunk and right now you just admitted you were! I WIN!!!
ME: You lead a sad, sad life.



ME: Help me review for Research Methods.
SMF: Sure. [taking notebook] Name two benefits of conducting survey research.
ME: It’s cheap and easy!
SMF: There’s a ‘Yo Mama’ joke in there somewhere.



ME: [sobbing so hard over the phone I can’t talk]
SMF: Are you PMS-ing?
ME: [screaming into phone] NO!!!!! YOU ASS!!!!
SMF: Are you hormonal?
ME: [laughing hysterically] HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! No!!! I feel fine.
SMF: Are you emotional because I have somehow managed to ruin your day even though I have been asleep and haven’t actually spoken to you for six hours?
ME: [back to sobbing] YES!!!
SMF: Okay. I’m just trying to figure out which part of the script I should skip to.....here we go, “I love you so much. I’m so sorry that I haven’t been able to be there for you. How can I make you feel better?”
ME: Yer lucky yer cute. It’s the only thing that keeps me from suffocating you in your sleep.



SMF: UNROMANTIC?!?!? Fine! Next time I’ll just write you a note about how much I wanna stick it in you!!!
ME: That’s all I’m asking for!!!! My kinda romance...
SMF: [silence] Who ARE you?!?



SMF: The ‘Romper Room’ huh? Wanna go for a little romp right now?? [wink]
ME: Nope, but your right hand looks a little lonely.
SMF: That greedy bastard! We already romped this morning in the shower! [walking into kitchen]
ME: Babe, while you’re in there, would you put “shower shoes” on my shopping list.



ME: By the way, HOW THE HELL DO YOU BANG IT INTO CHAIRS?!?
SMF: It just happens!!!
ME: And you’re worried that your blog name makes you look like you have Special Needs!

The One where I Just Ramble While I Work Things Out

I just got off the phone with my older step-sister. We talked for an hour. This is huge....HUGE!!! We have never talked that long. Even if you put the two of us in the same room and held a gun to our heads, we would STILL have to work at filling an hour of time. In the psychology world we call this a "breakthrough".

My step-sister and I found ourselves living under the same roof when her father and my mother decided to get married. Her Tragedy Timeline is a bit different, but for me my parents' divorce was finalized on my eighth birthday (Literally. My father was served the papers for signature right as I blew out my candles) and each parent was remarried to a different person before my ninth birthday (Mom was Jan 13 and Dad was Jan 31...I stood up in both). It was a helluva year for this little broken hearted girl. Moving on...

My step-father was (is) a 'good' Evangelical which means he's white, he believes in "spare the rod, spoil the child", and votes Republican.....always, forever and ever amen. My father was (is) a narcissistic, immature man that was (is) unable to relate to anyone outside of his head...aka young, heartbroken daughters. Both men were (are) angry. Both men felt (feel) slighted. Both men were born without the 'compassion' and 'empathy' chips. And mostly, both men were (are) inept at raising children.

Que Serra, Serra. Too bad, so sad. Get over it and move on, right? Nope....not for girls. For some reason, little girls have been designed to be almost completely dependent on their fathers in order to form healthy and coherent self-images. (I'm not making this up, pick up ANY psych book printed since 1990. This is cold hard fact. Girls need Dads. Plain and simple.)

So suddenly here were two little girls only nine months apart now forced to relate to one another as sisters. In the Blaine household, the word "step" was NEVER to be uttered. Not in reference to siblings and especially not in reference to parents. As for the other halves of our families that we were no longer to identify ourselves with....well, I didn't have a Dad and a step-dad, I now had a Dad and an "Other" Dad (referring to the man who had been with my Mother the day I came home from the hospital). Amanda (older step-sis) didn't have a mother and a step-mother, she had a Mom and an "Other Mom" (referring to the woman who carried her for nine months and spent 19 hours in labor with her). That was our new life. We were to like it. We were to move on. (Apparently The Brady Bunch seemed like a realistic standard for my parents.)

So fast forward for a bit. Mandy will be finished with grad school in May. She has had a 4.0 GPA since they first start figuring out GPA's in middle school. Her younger sister is the social butterfly. I'm smart, but I'm pretty, I flirt and I enjoy the attention of guys. (Do you see where this is going?) Our parents ALWAYS compared us to each other. "Why can't you settle down and get good grades like your sister?"; "Why don't you have as many friends as your sister?"; "You are never going to achieve the things your sister will."; "You need to be more like your sister."

Needless to say. We decided to manage our heartache in different ways as we got older. Mandy became the youngest, full-time, college level debate coach in the history of Large State University. Cassie became the partying, drinking, teenage mother and placed her baby for adoption. Cassie flitted from one relationship to another without so much as an emotional scratch and Mandy fell in love with her high school sweetheart, broke up with him when he left for college and hasn't forgiven herself since. Mandy decided that she couldn't the attention of her father with her grades and since he never told her she was pretty, she started eating and doubled her weight in 3 years time. Cassie decided that she couldn't get the attention of her father with her grades and since he never told her she was pretty, she started having one night stands at the age of 16. Here's the story of two lovely ladies...

Where am I going with this? Well just today I had a one hour conversation with Amanda when she called telling me that she thought she was losing her mind because she finally contacted that long lost high school sweetheart that she hasn't moved on from.

Over the course of this hour I was able to tell her how beautiful, strong, capable, incredible, lovable, courageous, independent, and faithful she is. She cried. I cried. Her heart was so happy to finally hear all the things she needed to hear as a little girl. I didn't lie to her! She is all of those things....and MORE!! I just wish she could see that. (I wish we both could see who we truly are.)
There is still a grieving, scared, heart broken little girl inside both of us. Lame? Maybe. The truth? Absolutely. And you know what, I have learned that there is a grieving, scared, heart broken little girl inside some of the most beautiful, strongest, most capable, incredible, lovable, courageous, independent, and faithful women I know.

I realize now that because of all I've been through and have been able to overcome, I now have a burden for these women. I want to find every hurting, unloved, scared, abused and discarded woman in the world and let her know that she is precious. She is so indcredibly amazing merely because.....she is a woman!








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UPDATE: At the time of publication (aka the moment I pushed the Publish button), my Mother called having a melt-down about things going on in HER life. Screw the 'I want to find hurting women' scenario. I'm just gonna get my Master's in Counseling Psych and start charging my family $100 an hour. I'll be a millionaire before I'm 30.

The One with The Updates

SPRING BREAK 2007!!! Wooooooo! Show us your boobs!


Okay....now that we have THAT out of our system. It's true, here at Tiny Christian University it is OFFICIALLY Spring Break 2007. What am I doing you ask? I'm spending it on a bus with 52 other people DRIVING to Staten Island and back. WOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (Uh huh.)

Along with it being Spring Break, it is also Concert Choir Spring Tour 2007. This year we are traveling to Staten Island, NY with performances along the way in Indiana, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. (We headed your way Mrs. Chili....I'll wave from New York!) We perform at churches and stay with members of the congregation every night. Essentially, every night I have no idea where exactly I'm going to be laying my head, I just have faith that it will be somewhere warm and safe.

This element is only one of many that makes Tour so intense. (Wait till next year when we tour Europe and do it the EXACT same way!!! YIKES!!) Not only are we performing everyday (sometimes twice), but we are making the entire trip on hope and some prayers. (Granted the churches are arranged ahead of time so it's not like we just show up at some random church expecting food and a place to stay....that's just insanity!)

Last year I was lucky enough to stay with wonderful families in BEAUTIFUL houses every night. One of my Florida families hosted four of us girls for two nights and let us use their car, go to the movies, take naps in the afternoon, sunbathe on their patio, and each of us had her own rooms. NICE!!! (Everyone is praying to be placed with that type of family.)

What am I trying to say in all of this? YAY!!! Tour!!! I'm excited!!! (Okay moving on.)
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Ummmm...since the last time we chatted, I have been placed on the ADD drug Adderall XR. My therapist and I decided to try a new tactic since EVERYTHING else we had tried failed to help my poor GPA. Of course, besides cutting WAAAAAAAAAAY down on the amount of time I spend at Special Man Friend's Bachelor Pad. That helped quite a bit actually! (Go figure.)

I had noticed I was having a problem staying focused back in middle school, but my Mother Figure was pretty adamant that I was just lazy. So I put my nose to the grindstone to achieve the GPA expected by my parents. I graduated with a 3.85 and nearly killed myself in the process. Now at college, I'm finding it almost impossible to keep focused on one thing for too long. My GPA currently?? A 2.0. Uhhh....yeah, clearly there's a problem, so I'm going to see how this med stuff works for a while. (At LEAST a year.)

I'm pretty happy with my decision to go on meds. Thus far I have been able to cope with the side effects. Minor headaches and nausea after my first meal of the day seem to be the two that hit on a consistent basis. My Psychiatrist/Neurologist (we'll call him Dr. Brain) promises that these things will lessen in time.

What am I trying to say in all of this? YAY!!! Drugs!!! I'm excited!!! (Okay moving on.)
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And last but not least, I STILL don't have the solo in choir. What has Dr. Director decided? The freshman and I are going to share it!!!!!! Alright....fine. All I have to say about it is,

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING ASSHOLE?!?

(Shhhhh....don't tell SMF that I just swore.)

It's not that I'm a Super Diva (I'm a recovering one actually)! The fact is that I have logged a total of 15 hours working on this stupid solo!!! Snot-nose Freshman?? She'll openly admit she hasn't worked on it at all!!! WTF?!? I mean really! Even the Choir thinks this is more than a little shitty.

*sigh* Fine, dearest Dr. Director. Be that way! I just want to you to know that I am agreeing to this arrangement only under extreme duress.

What am I trying to say in all of this? DAMN YOU DR. DIRECTOR!!!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!




Ugh....YAY for Tour. :-/

The One with Part II

I DID NEED A BLACK DRESS!!! YAY!

First Special Man Friend took me to dinner at the House of Blues Restaurant and I spent the whole meal begging him to tell me where we were going. He must have been dying of laughter the whole time! Little did I know, but we were going across the street.

SMF had gotten us tickets to see Jeremy Camp at the HOB! (For those of you NOT from around dese hurr parts, that's House of Blues.) I LOVE, love, LOVE! Jeremy Camp. I'm shocked I didn't know he was coming to town. Lucky for me, SMF loves Mr. Camp as well, and he kept closer tabs on Jeremy's concert dates. SMF and I actually met because of this particular artist, so he and I hold a special place in our hearts for Camp and his music.

Once upon a time, I was searching for video codes for my MySpace profile, of Jeremy's song, "I'll Take You Back" and having no luck. I finally ditched the Google searching and did a search on MySpace. It kicked back about 50 profiles that mentioned something about "video", "codes", "Jeremy", or "Camp".

I began clicking on profiles and getting more and more depressed. All I could find were a zillion people that LIKED Jeremy Camp but didn't have his video in their profiles. I eventually ran out of time and had to head to class.

Rather than "X-ing" out of the server, I just diminshed the window and went to class. I also went out to dinner, then I went on a date with my boyfriend at the time. I also broke up with said boyfriend that night and came back to the dorm despondent.

I let myself into my room and sat in front of my laptop to do some journaling. I realized I had left my browser open and maximized it to see what I had been doing. When I saw the list of profiles, I started clicking random ones. At this point I was DESPERATE to have that song.

After about 10 profiles resulting in nothing. I was about to go to bed and clicked on one last one. Wouldn't you know it??? There was my song! I didn't even bother to see who the person was, I just sent off a quick email asking for the video code and jumped in bed hoping for the best.

The next day I checked my MySpace messages and there next to the subject line "Giving you what you asked for" was the little thumbnail of a VERY good looking guy....holding a guitar. I assumed the message was a spam message and was about to delete it when I decided to take a look anyway. Inside was 50 lines of HTML that made up the code for the Jeremy Camp video!!!

I was so amazed! I decided to check out this guy's profile to see where he lived and if he was a Christian. I clicked on the link, and promptly went out to lunch with some friends, went to Barnes & Noble for a couple hours and then came back and had dinner at the cafeteria.

By the time I got back to the dorm I was ready to get comfy and do some relaxing. I noticed the webpage on my screen and wandered over to see what I had been doing earlier. What I found was the profile of a twenty-something hot musician who lived 20 minutes away from where I was going to school. I replied to his email and told him the following things:

1. You need smile more! It's Christmas!! [He had a VERY serious face and was in front of a Christmas tree in his picture.]
2. Are you going to school around here?
3. How did you come to like Jeremy Camp?
4. Why are guys with guitars so much hotter than 'regular' guys?


And we were off!!! The flirting and the talking and the connecting that followed was unlike anything I had ever experienced before in my dating history. SMF finally worked up the cajones to ask for my number and called the following day. We talked for nine straight hours that night. We decided to keep talking for another week on the phone, and then finally decided to meet.

I have never looked back since that first date. I have enjoyed every minute of this crazy ride and I'm happy to say that SMF and I are planning our lives around the understanding that we're going to be married. It's incredible how life seems to fall into place sometimes!

Siting there last night with this handsome guy, holding his hand and enjoying really good music was one of the happiest moments I have had in the last three years. I looked around at all the other couples there and realized that I was above and beyond luckier than ALL of them! Last night was wonderful and the whole time we were at the show, I just kept thanking God (and Jeremy) for leading me to the most wonderful man in the world.