Someone Take the 'Creepy Guy Magnet' Off My Back!

A Creepy Guy is someone who…

• Stares, leers, undresses me with his eyes or just generally fixes his on my person for long amounts of time without blinking
  
  Example: I’m not oblivious to guys checking me out, in fact I quite enjoy it. It’s the blatant staring I have a problem with! There is this guy in my Ed Psych class that stares at me. Every class period he deliberately turns his desk around so his profile is towards the front of the room and his ugly mug is pointed full on in my direction. Then he just STARES…sometimes open-mouthed….making a weird breathing sound with the back of his tongue. CREEPY!!!

• Doesn’t speak when spoken to
  
  Example: I had a lab partner that wouldn’t talk to me. I started off with the simple, “How did your weekend go?” but had to move on quickly to the tough stuff like, “Would you please hand me that beaker?” He would talk to every other girl in class except ME! HIS LAB PARTNER!! He eventually dropped the class.

• Smells like feet, B.O., dirty jock straps, urine, or illegal substances
  
  Example: There is this guy that used to be in choir with me that smelled so strongly of BO that I literally got nauseous sitting next to him. It was so bad that I spent a semester and a half doing everything in my power to avoid sitting next to him. Wouldn’t you know?? On spring tour, guess who had to stand next to Mr. Odiferous? Go on, guess. That’s right! Yours truly. And we performed every night…sometimes twice….under hot stage lights….and we sweated like pigs. Yeah, Mom? That’s why I looked green in most of our promotional pictures.

• Has not apparently showered in more than 96 hours
  
  C’mon guys! We’re not homeless. These are white-bred upper middle class guys I’m talking about here. Take a freaking shower.

• Asks weird/probing/personal questions about you before he has even introduced himself
  
  Example: This scene takes place in church just last Sunday with a guy I had never seen in my life.
  
  Creepy Asian Guy: (walking right up with no introduction) You look Asian. Are you Korean?
  ME: Ummm, well…uhh, no. I’m not. **Insert Big Sappy, Welcome to Our Church Smile*
  CAG: You’re not Korean?
  ME: No. **Still keep BSWTOCS plastered to your face!**
  CAG: Oh. (thinks for moment) Are you Chinese?
  ME: (smile falters for a brief second) Um, no. I’m Latina.
  CAG: Oh. So you’re not Asian?
  ME: No. I’m Peruvian and Nicaraguan. 100% Latina. **Re-apply BSWTOCS**
  CAG: Really? I thought you looked Korean.
  ME: I gathered that. **BSWTOCS**

• Sends off vibes that instinctively set you into ‘Fight or Flight’ mentality
  
  Example: I went to a bar a few weeks ago (*gasp* Naughty!) and while I was there I procured a stalker. This guy would not stop following my group of friends around and after we did a few laps around the place just to make sure he was indeed stalking, we paid our tab and hauled our cute butts out of there! I think Jenny actually left smoke trails. (All of us had on clothes that cost us WAAAY too much and therefore did not lend themselves nicely to fighting, otherwise we would have totally stayed and kicked some Creepy butt.)(Hah.)

• Asks me out on dates when I have made it explicitly clear I don’t want to have anything to do with you
  
  Example: This guy Frank at church. (PS: Moms don’t name your kids Frank. That name alone gives me the creeps!)(PPS: If you already have, so sorry. Please ignore that comment.) He met me a handful of times before I left for the summer to go to Maine and be a camp counselor. It would also needs to be noted that before I left I had been dating my boyfriend [a leader in my church] since February and we were together (still are in fact) while this email conversation happened. Here is the literally untouched email. (I’ve erased dates, times and names to protect the Innocent…and the Creepy.)
  
  Cassie:
  
  Question 1: What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
  Question 2: What are all the toppings you will not eat on Pizza, Sanwich's, Hot Dogs, or any other food you can think of?
  Question 3: Would you consider talking to/going out with someone you don't know that well? (Like me for example...)
  
  Frank
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  Frank:
  
  
  1. A Rueben sandwich w/o the sauerkraut.
  2. Umm....I don't eat hotdogs and nothing goes on them if I do As for the other foods, I’m not really picky.
  3. I don’t know if you realized this, but I’m dating [Insert Special Male Friend’s Name Here]. We’ve been quietly seeing each other since February. I’m flattered that you asked, but I’m happy with the relationship I’m in currently.
  
  Cassie
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  Aww! The Sauerkraut is the Best Part! Otherwise, you're just eating a fatty-meat sandwich!... As for the other thing, do you want to get to know me, or not 'cause you're dating someone else? I also have to get to know people first, but a lot of times people don't think they want to get to know me, and I don't understand why... People who know me tell me all the time that I'm approachable. I even see new people come up to me and ask me questions, or for help, So I see that I am approachable. I guess the one exception is when people are talking about Love, then maybe they don't see me as approachable, even though I am. I don't make fools out of people for asking me things that are of a romantic nature, 'cause I know how that feels. So, just be assured that I am approachable if you want to wait 'til after your sebaticle to even think about getting to know me. Ok? That's all I really wanted, was to let people know that I'm available and that I won't laugh at them for asking if I'm single or whatever. Have I said more than a passing aquaintance should have? I don't know. TTYL.
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
  Uh huh. Right. Sure. Okay…**slowly backing away** I’m just going to go over here, show my boyfriend the emails and let HIM handle things. CREEPY!!!!
  
  

So as you can see, I seem to have a ‘Creepy Guy Magnet’ stuck to my back. (Please note that my boyfriend a.k.a. Special Man Friend is very normal and would never be confused for creepy! He’s also much bigger and scarier than I am which is why I punked out and let HIM talk to Frank.)