The One That has The Test and The Whining...Oh, THE WHINING!

Dear Professor English,

You are slowly and quite painfully making my brain melt. YER KILLING ME!!!!!


I may ACTUALLY learn something in your class!!


And I like it.

Sincerely,
Cassie


Hello gentle readers.

I just got in from trekking my way across the frozen tundra affectionately known as "my campus". (Where did that Global Warming go?!? I did NOT order this weather. I have a copy of my receipt to prove it!) Anyway...I was in Prof English's class and we took his first exam.

It was ugly....many wounded....most left for dead on the classroom floor! Oh the stress! Tears! Wailing! Gnashing of teeth!!

Here's the thing, it's not that we were not properly prepared (Okay so that COULD be part of the problem. Also, my use of a double negative could be a problem too). It's just that his exam was as intense as his class!!!

How unfair is that?!? Exams are supposed to be easy. You (professors) spoon feed us the information and then we (students) dutifully regurgitate it for you back onto your exam....sometimes word for word.

But NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Prof English decides he's gonnna make us, like, analyze and stuff. Hey now! None of that!

He used the exam questions to make us think as critically as we do in class! ON! HIS! TEST!! Did you read what I just wrote?!? He's making us think on an exam!! Let that soak in for a second. Go back and re-read if you need to. I'll wait..... See it?!? HE MADE US THINK!!!

Basically he asked us to use his notes from class as a filter for what we were reading in the book then combine the two on his exam. Can you believe the nerve of this guy?!

First he wrote out some scenarios and asked us to identify them as an Argument, Persuasion, or Propaganda. Then he asked us to "support our claim". Basically...."Why?" (PS: As students we hate the "Why?" clause on questions....it makes the regurgitation process more difficult. Just so you know!)

His scenarios were: 1. A marriage proposal. 2. A Geometry proof. 3. The President's State of the Union Address. 4. An advertisement by a chemical company supporting environmental awareness.

Alright...not so scary. You can get away with regurgitating here. Moving on.

The next section was the short answer part. He gave us the elements of argumentation and we had to write one paragraph describing the attributes for each. Ugh....hand cramps!! Boo.

Still pretty simple.

Now we start to sweat a little.

This section was the most challenging. He gave us a table and across the top of the of the columns, were the words: PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE. Then he supplied us with lists of three words each. For example: POLICIES, FACTS, VALUES. Our task was to take the three words and place them under the heading that best describes the order of the words. So my answer looked like: FACTS, VALUES, POLICIES. (Facts from past scenarios dictate the values we hold today and we set up policies to protect those values in the future.) THERE WERE SIX OF THOSE!!! One of the lists was DELIBERATIVE, FORENSIC, EPIDEICTIC!!! WTF?! Thinking again?!?!? What?! Even though most of us had NEVER heard these words, we had to decide?!? STOP WITH THE CRITICAL THINKING!!!

So after we limp out of that section, we flip the test over to find.....GRAMMAR LESSONS*?? Hold up here buddy! We didn't even DISCUSS grammar!! Notta once! I have the scrupulous notes of every word you said in class and you never even TOUGHT the word GRAMMAR!! No fair. You are expecting us to rely on knowledge we have gained over years of studying English and apply it to YOUR test!! You could, like, NOT be more UNFAIR Prof English!! You are the meanest Professor EVER! **foot stomp**

What do you mean "underline the complete subject" in your sample sentence?! If you don't knock it off, I'm going to TELL you where exactly you can put your infinitive! (You crazy English profs need to stop foaming at the mouth from excitement....yer keyboard is going to short out.)

Prof English!!! What are you doing?? You give us the sentence: Each of my two sons required two chances to pass their drivers test. I don't WANNA identify two mistakes!! And please, please, please don't ask me to re-write it. (Oh yeah, he asked.)

Then you tell us: A young man living in Oh-Ho, Korea is a bright student he got accepted at the university of Pennsylvania. Well, la dee da for him Prof English!!! I don't care that there are BLATANT mistakes in that sentence. (Mistakes that are making my eye twitch and were painful to type...I can only IMAGINE the pain for him!) No! I'm NOT gonna list the verbs. There is no way you're going to make me list all the adjectives. AND I AM CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO RE-WRITE!!! STOP ASKING!

Sheesh....professors these days.



*Editor's Note: Personally, I LOVE grammar! I was SOOOO excited to see this section on the test. These are what I like to call "Gimme Points"...gimme the points so I can go home!