My Lame Excuse of An Update

THE INTERNAL WORKINGS OF THE SASS’S BRAIN

Left Brain of Cassie Blaine: Holy potatoes!!! I can’t believe how long it has been since I updated all of my readers regarding my life. I must do that! I must write something NOW NOW NOW.

Right Brain of Cassie Blaine: Oh, hush, mister practical. You know you can’t force the creative process. Just calm down, and soon, we will hear the sweet song of the muse! She will give us our subject, and then she will take us by the hand, and lead us down a path lined with butterflies and ice cream cones.

Left Brain: …Ooookay. Except we don’t have hands.

Right Brain: I am speaking figuratively, Left Brain. You need to think outside the box.

Left Brain: Or, you know, I could ignore your irritating box-talk, and just write something already--which is what I am going to do. I am putting it on my To-Do List right now. See? It is going right here under "Find Full-Time Job Because We Are Not Attending School in the Fall". Let's see....we'll follow that with “Find Apartment in New East Coast Location We Are Moving To" And to round it out, we'll add "Do Laundry or Tomorrow You Have to RECYCLE Your Underwear".

Right Brain: But if you just write any old thing in a blog it won't be sparkly! We shouldn't write now. I think we should sing a song, and then make potholders covered in unicorn glitter.

Left brain: Oh, for the love of GOD, woman, this is a blog. After all this time, it doesn’t need to be beautiful...it just needs to be “not blank.” That is really the only requirement for today: “Not blank.”

Right Brain: You know, when you say things like that, a fairy dies. She just falls down dead.

Left Brain: No fairies die…

Right Brain: FALLS DOWN DEAD--SPLAT. Like that. Because of you.

Left Brain: *Sigh* Oh, we should also get some lunch. I have those healthy leftovers from dinner the other day…

Right Brain: COOKIE DOUGH.

Left Brain: Or the cafeteria has a spectacular salad ba---

Right Brain: COOKIE DOUGH! COOKIE DOUGH! COOKIE DOUGH!

Left Brain: Holy potatoes, FINE! We will have COOKIE DOUGH for lunch.

Right Brain: (and potato chips.)

Left Brain: AND POTATO CHIPS. Okay. Then we work.

Right Brain: Noooo, then we daydream!

Left Brain: We don’t have time to daydream. We have to write! Write, write, write.

Right Brain: Hey! Lefty! Check out that hot guy over there!!! WOW!

Left Brain: WHERE?!?

Right Brain: Made you look! You know what? Sometimes I wish I were Queen of the World. Then they would bring me all hot male actors on big platters. I could have a buffet of glistening man-entrees! Why doesn’t anyone ever bring me a man on a plate? I’ve been good!

Left Brain: I…what in the world are you talking about?

Right Brain: Do you think Santa could bring me men on plates?

Left Brain: No. I don’t. And we have to blog now. We should blog about…

Right Brain: Men on plates! And Santa.

Left Brain: NO. Let’s write about how much work we’ve been doing while being a live-in nanny this---

Right Brain: Oh, snore. We are NOT going to piss and moan about our workload. That's so boring, plus you do that all the time.

Left Brain: Well, all you’ve come up with is “Men on Plates” and "cookie dough with potato chips for lunch".

Right Brain: And Santa!

Left Brain: Yes. Exactly. Let us not forget Santa. You are making my point for me, thank you.

Right Brain: Hey, Captain Boring! Wanna know what I really like? That song from Friends.

Left Brain: No, you don’t.

Right Brain: Oh, indeed I DO. And I shall start singing it right now, until you agree to not blog about how busy you are.

Left Brain: Oh, please…please, don’t do that.

Right Brain: So no one told you life was gonna be this way CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!

Left Brain: La, la, la, la! I can't hear you!!!!!

Right Brain: Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Left Brain: JESUS, MARY AND JOSPEH! Will you PLEASE SHUT UP?!?

Right Brain: (humming).

Left Brain: Great, thank you.Now I’m singing it. I wonder if it is possible to plan a stroke. To plan a stroke that only affects the RIGHT SIDE OF ONE’S BRAIN.

Right Brain: Oh, let’s not fight. Let’s cuddle.

Left Brain: I don’t WANT to cuddle. I WANT to update the blog, find a full-time job, find a place to live, baby-sit the kids and then do some laundry.... OF MY OWN!

Right Brain: Oooo! Oooo! Maybe if we go to SMF's apartment he'll do our laundry...dressed only in his boxers! That could be fun!

Left Brain: Ugh. NO! I have things to do.....but I DO need to do laundry. Plus, we'd get to cross something off the To-Do List. You know how much I like doing that...

Right Brain: Exactly!!! Then after the shower we can have him get on a big platter and....

Left Brain: STOP IT!!!! I'm not going to his place. We have WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much to do. We certainly do not have time to daydream about SMF on a platter....

Right Brain: Fine, be that way. How 'bout we just go over there and canoodle with SMF?

Left Brain: …well, he does need some canoodling.

Right Brain: And he’s just sitting there all snuggly, wuggly looking....

Left Brain: I HATE YOU.

Right Brain: Do not. I sparkle!

Left Brain: (sob.)

Right Brain: Oh, come on now! Come on, what do you want to do? Do you want to update the blog? Will that make you happy?

Left Brain: No.

Right Brain: Do you want to daydream about men on platters?

Left Brain: NO!

Right Brain: Okay, okay. Do you want to play solitaire?

Left Brain: I…sort of.

Right Brain: Well, okay! THERE WE GO, LITTLE CAMPER. You go play some solitaire, with all that logical, deductive reasoning of yours.

Left Brain: (sniff). Okay. What are you going to do?

Right Brain: Think about Josh Hartnett on a really big platter......doing my laundry in his boxers.

Left Brain: Is that all?

Right Brain: Well, how 'bout I update the blog too?

Left Brain: But…you? Nobody will ever come back! If you write it, they’ll see the innermost workings of Cassie’s brain, and they’ll all run away, screaming.

Right Brain: Oh, hush. It’s better than blank, right?

Left Brain: I mean…yeah. Okay, you’re right. Just…

Right Brain: Yeah?

Left Brain: Promise not to mention the men on platters.

The One About Finals Week.....Another One

I almost forgot to ring in Bobby's favorite time of year!!! And since I cannot deny my all-time favorite blog-crush his happiness.....here it is:


Finals Week 2007!!!! Wooooo!!!! Show us your boobs!!!!!


Well, now that we have the blessed event firmly established I can move on, yes???

In honor of college students everywhere (and in honor of the fact that I REAAAAAAAALLY shouldn't be wasting my time screwing around on the internet) I'm going to post lists! (I know, you can hardly contain yourselves.)

You know you're a college student if.....

1) You feel it necessary to put every little thing you do in your away message. (Potty break!!!! BRB!)

2) When you say, "Next year" you mean "In the fall".

3) "What's your major?" is your default pick-up line.

4) You've written a check for a pack of gum.

5) Ramen Noodles are a food group and Domino's is on speed dial.

6) It no longer bothers you to shower with shoes on.

7) A baseball cap and chewing gum count as personal hygiene.

8) You've done laundry at 4 a.m because you were bored and couldn't think of anything better. (Bonus points if it was a Friday night!)

9) You've bought a book for $150 without batting an eyelash.

10) Fifteen weeks later you sell the same unused book back for $7.....without batting an eyelash.

11) Milk crate furniture is considered classy.

12) You're a Tater Tot Casserole connoisseur.
"Ah yes, a good orange block-cheese aroma. 1998 was a good year for Tots. Excellent vintage. Would go best with meatloaf."

13) You've fallen asleep in class......during an exam.....a verbal exam.

14) You can tell what time it is by the noise level in the hallway.
2 AM = enough noise to make dead people wear earplugs;
2 PM = just beginning to hear the sounds of people stirring.

15) "Getting up early" means getting up before noon.

16) Your outside information source is MTV news.

17) You don't need a stove because you have a microwave.

18) You know the exact closing time of all the drive thru windows, within a 10 mile radius.

19) Going "out to dinner" means going to one of those drive thrus.

20) All of your wordly possesions fit into one Honda Civic.....in one trip.

21) You're relieved when you find one pair of underwear in your drawer because
it means you have two more days until you need to do laundry!

22) 5 hours of sleep is considered a lot.

23) You've begged, borrowed and stolen 100 pennies to trade in at student accounting for four quarters.

24) Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero are your workout routines.

25) You get pants-soilingly excited about getting mail.

If College Students Wrote the Bible

*The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning--cold.
*The Ten Commandments would actually be only five--double-spaced and written in a large font.
*New edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
*Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
*Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.
*Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
*Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask for directions and look like freshmen.
*Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

And because it's fun, an "SMF and Cassie Talk to Each Other" moment brought to you by the letter X--for HOLY CRAP THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE!
Cass: What are you eating????
Special Man Friend: Ice Cream
Cass: That's how I'm going to get what I want when we're married huh?
SMF: Try sex first.



So, there ya go! It is now time for me to go write some term papers and practice some presentations that are worth ghastly amounts points towards my final grade. Later Taters, I'm off like a herd o' turtles!

This has been reposted from a different blog I have. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent....namely, me.

*sigh* I don't know if any of you can relate, but sometimes I just HATE studying the Bible like it's a textbook. I understand that we're at a Christian university--we need to take Bible classes. Fine, I get it. I will admit that in these required classes I have learned a lot that I hadn't known before.....placing your hand under your Father's thigh was a way of taking an oath. Who knew?? FASCINATING!!! That revelation has completely opened my eyes to God's Word and has deepened my understanding of His message of Salvation. But moving on...

I was just released from one of the most frustrating class meetings I have ever had while here at Tiny Christian University. Doc Rock's New Testament class was taught by her TA today. Judging by the doofy clothes, the smug attitude and the way he threw words like, "Ecclesiology", "Gnosticism", and "Orthopraxis" around, he had SEM STUDENT written all over him. The classroom's reaction was almost instantaneous: "Alright you self-righteous jerk....what have you got to say?" This guy gained no respect BECAUSE he demanded acknowledgment of his authority. We were rolling our eyes and scrounging for other homework long before he uttered his first word. However, despite all this I decided to give the guy my full attention. I figured, "Hey. He's not studying to be a teacher (which is a problem in itself), he's studying to be a Biblical scholar...I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he has something worthwhile to say." Ugh, now I remember why it's dumb to ASSUME*.....

Today's lecture was supposed to be about the history and significance of 1 & 2 Timothy and Titus. I was actually looking forward to hearing more about these Pastoral Epistles especially after hearing such a magnificent and challenging speaker in chapel. Dr. Brenda's message was that our generation's time is NOW for furthering and impacting God's kingdom. It was powerful but I'm getting off topic!

When I read 1 & 2 Tim and Titus I see the personal letter of a mentor to his disciples...the sons Paul never had. I see the care, concern and conviction a pastor has for his young leaders. Two things happen when I read these letters: 1. I gain encouragement to not be afraid of young age. God will use ALL ages to lead and guide His church. We are never to be intimidated by those older than us. Respectful? Absolutely! Intimidated? No! 2. I feel as though I am reading someone else's mail. The tenderness and love that is evident in these letters makes me almost embarassed to to read them.

Dr. Wannabe completely missed the point! Wanna know what we spent a MAJORITY of our time discussing???? Objections to the credibility of Pauline authorship and DATE of authorship. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? Okay....I understand that as educated Christians we should know that such debates exist. I get it. HOWEVER, I fail to understand the need to spend 35 minutes discussing these two subjects in an Undergrad-Intro-Core Requirement class. There were so many other places he could have gone with his lecture.

I guess my biggest objections are twofold. 1) Don't be a jerk. We may be undergrads, we may be less knowledgable about how to use the Library of Congress numbering system, heck we might not even know we HAVE a library on this campus, but we are all in college! We are here to learn and we all have brains. Do NOT speak to me as though I'm 6 and I have never picked up the Bible. I LITERALLY sat on my hands every time Prof. In His Dreams asked if there were questions. I had the strongest urge to say, "Yes. I have a question. How old are you? Because I'm 23 and I doubt you are MORE than a few months older than I am so would you please stop talking to me like you have SO MUCH more brain power than I do. In fact there are SOME students here that are OLDER than you are! And also, would you please remove that smug smile and fake pastor voice before I walk up there and slap you?" (I wonder what his reaction would have been....he'd probably hit me with his Concordance.)

The other problem. He had NO passion! Oh sure, I could almost SEE his panties bunching while he discussed the support for Pauline authorship. And when he finally jumped up and down on THAT dead horse for the last time, he moved on to the debate over date of authorship. He practically started frothing at the mouth due to his excitement over the evidence which supported a 4th Missionary Journey. Yippee skippee! I ask you, WHO ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH CARES?!?!?!? I mean bsides this guy and COUNTLESS other scholars who've dedicated their LIVES to arguing these facts (wich I think is pitiful).

Despite all of this, I didn't see the spark--the fire in his belly. I didn't see Dr. Bore getting charged up about what these letters SAID. Paul is passing on the torch!!! Which after many, many centuries has finally been passed to us! That is why we are here....at college....to take the torch and follow Paul's instructions to "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses" (1 Tim 6:12).

I missed all that and ultimately, that's what made me sad and frustrated. The fact that this young man, paled by the halogen lights of the Library and aged beyond his years due to scholarly talk, had missed this passionate and soul-wrenching instruction broke my heart. I hurt for this man's future congregation. Whoever his future church is will hire one the most educated, scholarly men from Seminary and therefore pass up a man with a keen sense of what God's Word is really SAYING!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The One With the Election

We lost. :'-( Yes, Mrs Chili, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. I cried. I pouted. I yelled at people I wasn't really angry with. I said nasty things to SMF and then I cried some more. There also may have been large amounts of chocolate chip cookie dough consumed.....MAY HAVE BEEN!

We lost. It was ugly....one of the three candidates received 50% of the votes. I was sad. My running mate was devastated. We ranted. We raved. We cried. We kicked ourselves and our efforts. We yelled at people we weren't really angry with and we said nasty things to our significant others. We plotted graphic murder plots involving our competitors.


AND!!!!! I'm okay now. I did all of those things last night and I haven't done any of them SINCE last night. I apologized to the people I offended. I smoothed SMF's feathers. I turned my frown upside down. I congratulated the winners. I started raving about how cool it was that Mr. New Pres received half of the votes. I also may have felt a wee bit nauseous most of the day and MAY HAVE not been able to get into my favorite cute jeans......but cookie dough is OH SO GOOD! (And it heals oh so many hurts.)

ALSO!!!! I was elected as Secretary (which I spelled SecretarTy...twice. Paging Dr. Freud??) for Concert Choir next year. AND!!!! I was placed in a discipleship role in my suite next year. AND!!!! My application was accepted to work on Women's Ministry Council!!!


AWESOME!!! So all is not lost, I'm going to be a busy, busy girl next year. And in fact, if I HAD won the election I would have been forced to turn down the other three posistions.

Buenos Noches Internets!!!

I assume you're all sitting on the edge of your chairs waiting for an update. It has been a whirlwind of activity over here at Tiny Christian University. Yours truly has been campaigning like a madwoman since Monday.

That's right gentle readers....Rock the Vote 2007!! This Sassie Cassie Blaine is running for Student Body Vice President!!! Wahoo! My Presidential running mate and I have been enduring an intense schedule this week.

Monday: Gathered supplies for posters, balloons, mailbox stuffers, cookie frosting, debate materials, and the Rally.

Tuesday: Papered the Campus, Round #1. Posters focused on getting our faces and slogan in front of students' faces.

Wednesday: Frosted 380 cookies with our campaign colors (red/white/blue) in the dining hall to hand out to students.

Thursday: Stuffed 974 mailboxes with little cards displaying our emblem and slogan, "If you want a voice, make the SMART choice!" (We attached Smartees candies to each card.) AND Paper the Campus, Round #2. These posters focused on when students could vote and our campaign platform: "SGA [Student Government Association] should empower students to impact change, by creating relationships with administration, enabling communication, and strengthening Christian community on this campus." (Pretty good, eh?? The Debate is where we will unpack those three main ideas and explain what each looks like.)

Friday: Handing out red/blue balloons in the academic building. (Did you know it's like eleventy billion dollars to rent two helium tanks?!?!?)

Saturday: Debate prep ALL DAY!! Paper the Campus, Round #3. These posters will focus on when the Debate and elections are taking place.

Sunday: Debates start promptly at 9pm. (Personally I feel most solid about this. The Pres and I are pumped for Sunday! We feel we have the strongest, most thought-out platform of all three tickets running.)

Monday: Elections starting at 7 AM and going until 7 PM. I'm so sorry, but they don't take votes via email. They have this pesky rule about all voters needing to be current Tiny Christian University students!!!! Totally lame. Trust me....I was ready to have SMF stack the votes. He's totally charming, female election judges would be putty in his hands. (Hey! Don't give me that look. This is politics....not church!!!)

Tuesday: Throw a party or cry.

WHEW!!!!

Needless to say, trying to maintain this break neck pace has nearly killed me. Classes have been a blur and I'm not gonna say the s-word, but I think I'm getting s-ck!!! (Shhhhh. Don't tell my body, I'm gonna keep it a secret until Tuesday when I can finally crawl in bed and die!) My throat feels like it's going to jump out and bite me, suite mates are frying eggs on my forehead, and baseball players are using my glands for batting practice. But I'm not S-ICK!!!!! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not! SHHHHHHH. Don't say it.

The One with The Updates

SPRING BREAK 2007!!! Wooooooo! Show us your boobs!


Okay....now that we have THAT out of our system. It's true, here at Tiny Christian University it is OFFICIALLY Spring Break 2007. What am I doing you ask? I'm spending it on a bus with 52 other people DRIVING to Staten Island and back. WOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (Uh huh.)

Along with it being Spring Break, it is also Concert Choir Spring Tour 2007. This year we are traveling to Staten Island, NY with performances along the way in Indiana, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. (We headed your way Mrs. Chili....I'll wave from New York!) We perform at churches and stay with members of the congregation every night. Essentially, every night I have no idea where exactly I'm going to be laying my head, I just have faith that it will be somewhere warm and safe.

This element is only one of many that makes Tour so intense. (Wait till next year when we tour Europe and do it the EXACT same way!!! YIKES!!) Not only are we performing everyday (sometimes twice), but we are making the entire trip on hope and some prayers. (Granted the churches are arranged ahead of time so it's not like we just show up at some random church expecting food and a place to stay....that's just insanity!)

Last year I was lucky enough to stay with wonderful families in BEAUTIFUL houses every night. One of my Florida families hosted four of us girls for two nights and let us use their car, go to the movies, take naps in the afternoon, sunbathe on their patio, and each of us had her own rooms. NICE!!! (Everyone is praying to be placed with that type of family.)

What am I trying to say in all of this? YAY!!! Tour!!! I'm excited!!! (Okay moving on.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ummmm...since the last time we chatted, I have been placed on the ADD drug Adderall XR. My therapist and I decided to try a new tactic since EVERYTHING else we had tried failed to help my poor GPA. Of course, besides cutting WAAAAAAAAAAY down on the amount of time I spend at Special Man Friend's Bachelor Pad. That helped quite a bit actually! (Go figure.)

I had noticed I was having a problem staying focused back in middle school, but my Mother Figure was pretty adamant that I was just lazy. So I put my nose to the grindstone to achieve the GPA expected by my parents. I graduated with a 3.85 and nearly killed myself in the process. Now at college, I'm finding it almost impossible to keep focused on one thing for too long. My GPA currently?? A 2.0. Uhhh....yeah, clearly there's a problem, so I'm going to see how this med stuff works for a while. (At LEAST a year.)

I'm pretty happy with my decision to go on meds. Thus far I have been able to cope with the side effects. Minor headaches and nausea after my first meal of the day seem to be the two that hit on a consistent basis. My Psychiatrist/Neurologist (we'll call him Dr. Brain) promises that these things will lessen in time.

What am I trying to say in all of this? YAY!!! Drugs!!! I'm excited!!! (Okay moving on.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And last but not least, I STILL don't have the solo in choir. What has Dr. Director decided? The freshman and I are going to share it!!!!!! Alright....fine. All I have to say about it is,

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING ASSHOLE?!?

(Shhhhh....don't tell SMF that I just swore.)

It's not that I'm a Super Diva (I'm a recovering one actually)! The fact is that I have logged a total of 15 hours working on this stupid solo!!! Snot-nose Freshman?? She'll openly admit she hasn't worked on it at all!!! WTF?!? I mean really! Even the Choir thinks this is more than a little shitty.

*sigh* Fine, dearest Dr. Director. Be that way! I just want to you to know that I am agreeing to this arrangement only under extreme duress.

What am I trying to say in all of this? DAMN YOU DR. DIRECTOR!!!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!




Ugh....YAY for Tour. :-/

The One in Which I LOSE MY MIND!

Okay...I actually had to sit down and roll up my sleeves for this one. I need to do a lottle (not a little but a lottle...) ranting!!

To My Dearest and Lovliest Choir Director,


IF THAT F-ING SNOT-NOSED FRESHMAN GETS THE SOLO IN CHOIR, I CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS!!!!!!

I'm not kidding here dearest Choir Director, sir. I auditioned for this department last year and you awarded me a $120,000 scholarship to sing. Remember that???

Yeah.....so get the idea of this FROSHY doing the solo out of your little pea-brain and let's get serious here. We leave on tour in EIGHT days and we need to know who's doing this solo. Don't make me come after you...

You asked today in rehearsal who had the depth and soul to do this solo and the choir spoke. Did you hear the name they said??? Were you there?!?!? "Let Cass do it!"; "Cassie!!"; "I figured Cass was doing it." REMEMBER THAT MOMENT?!?!?

Obviously I am MUCH too humble to just walk up to the front and take the mic after I heard my name. I allowed you the opportunity to make up your mind, but then you did this REALLY bizarre thing!! You avoided all eye contact with and called out FROSHY'S name!!!!! That little wench waltzed up to that mic like she owned the place. She thinks just because she can sing a dotted syncopated rhythm she's something to write home about! Are you kidding me?!? Every time I HEAR HER SPEAK she's bragging about her past choir experience but what you, my dear director, seem to forget is that it doesn't matter....I'M BETTER!! I was in my first professional choir the YEAR SHE WAS F-ING BORN!!!! I mean, really!!

Do I need to strut around and spout my credentials? Do I need to tell you I have sung with 6 professional orchestras? Do you REALLY need to know that I was named Best State Soloist 2 years running? Is that what you need? Or is she just spending her lunch hour under your desk?!?!? I don't want to point fingers but WHY ARE WE EVEN DISCUSSING THIS?!? It is common knowledge that freshmen don't get solos. That's just how the world works!

Well Mr. Director, you better not be freaking surprised when I show up in your office dressed in my Cute clothes looking to "just sing through some things really quick". I can play THIS game! If nothing else, in all my years as a competitive singer....I HAVE LEARNED HOW TO COMPETE!


PS: Who are we kidding? The pink suits me.

The One with the Valentine's Day Presents!

THE BEST VALENTINE'S DAY EVER!!!!!

Look what was delivered to Tiny Christian University for ME!! I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER received a gift for Valentine's Day, LET ALONE flowers!

I'm so happy I could just pee!!!

The inside of my ENORMOUS Valentine next to my flowers!!

The inside of my Valentine.It's so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!

"Thank you for coming into my life and making it better than I knew was possible.

You have given me hope, brought inspiration into my life and have made me a better man for having known you.

I love you with all my heart."

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! He's such a good guy. I can't even begin to express how lucky I am. :-D

The One with the Sasie Note

To the Maintenance Men of Tiny Christian University:

Hello! Let me first say that I really do appreciate your dedicated service to our campus. You guys do jobs most of the residents would run from....thank you!

HOWEVER!! Sometimes your lack of common sense and critical thinking skills leave me at a loss for words. I realize that at one point you were all told by your boss that "If there is ice, you must put down salt". I agree!

What I am beginning to realize is that you may have missed the Chemistry lesson that should have gone along with those instructions. I am sure you may already be aware of the idea that the salt is used to form a layer of brine which has a lower freezing point and breaks the bond the ice on the pavement. Very good! [Pats on the head all around.]

This is ideal for streets because after the ice is seperated from the surface, the rushing traffic mixes it up and plows follow along to scrape the newly made slush off the roadways. You, my lovely Maintenance Men, are NOT deicing roadways. You are deicing the walkways of small Christian University.

Essentially there is not enough weight moving FAST ENOUGH over your brine and therefore no slush is being created. ALSO! You lovely fellows are not out shoveling or plowing what little slush there IS being created in high traffic areas, say for example in front of the academic building on campus where ALL TCU undergrads have EVERY class.

Also you may have noticed, the temperature outside is WELL below freezing....about 30 degrees below actually.

What am I trying to say?? STOP SALTING! All that is being accomplished is that for a brief 30 seconds the ice melts enough to promptly refreeze IN A NEW SHAPE!!!

In other words... THE ICE IS STILL IN FRONT OF THE STAIRS SO SOMEONE HAVING A REALLY CUTE HAIR DAY CAN SLIP AND FALL ON HER OH-SO-PLENTIFUL ALBEIT ADORABLE RUMP THUS EMBARASSING HER, SCUFFING HER CUTE SHOES, AND!! FORCING HER TO CHANGE HER ENTIRE ENSEMBLE WHICH TOOK HER 25 MINUTES TO PICK OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!

Bah humbug on YOU, you Maintence Men. Curses be on all your houses and your families!

Your adoring Tiny Christian University resident,
Cassie


PS: MY BUTT HURTS!!

The One That has The Test and The Whining...Oh, THE WHINING!

Dear Professor English,

You are slowly and quite painfully making my brain melt. YER KILLING ME!!!!!


I may ACTUALLY learn something in your class!!


And I like it.

Sincerely,
Cassie


Hello gentle readers.

I just got in from trekking my way across the frozen tundra affectionately known as "my campus". (Where did that Global Warming go?!? I did NOT order this weather. I have a copy of my receipt to prove it!) Anyway...I was in Prof English's class and we took his first exam.

It was ugly....many wounded....most left for dead on the classroom floor! Oh the stress! Tears! Wailing! Gnashing of teeth!!

Here's the thing, it's not that we were not properly prepared (Okay so that COULD be part of the problem. Also, my use of a double negative could be a problem too). It's just that his exam was as intense as his class!!!

How unfair is that?!? Exams are supposed to be easy. You (professors) spoon feed us the information and then we (students) dutifully regurgitate it for you back onto your exam....sometimes word for word.

But NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Prof English decides he's gonnna make us, like, analyze and stuff. Hey now! None of that!

He used the exam questions to make us think as critically as we do in class! ON! HIS! TEST!! Did you read what I just wrote?!? He's making us think on an exam!! Let that soak in for a second. Go back and re-read if you need to. I'll wait..... See it?!? HE MADE US THINK!!!

Basically he asked us to use his notes from class as a filter for what we were reading in the book then combine the two on his exam. Can you believe the nerve of this guy?!

First he wrote out some scenarios and asked us to identify them as an Argument, Persuasion, or Propaganda. Then he asked us to "support our claim". Basically...."Why?" (PS: As students we hate the "Why?" clause on questions....it makes the regurgitation process more difficult. Just so you know!)

His scenarios were: 1. A marriage proposal. 2. A Geometry proof. 3. The President's State of the Union Address. 4. An advertisement by a chemical company supporting environmental awareness.

Alright...not so scary. You can get away with regurgitating here. Moving on.

The next section was the short answer part. He gave us the elements of argumentation and we had to write one paragraph describing the attributes for each. Ugh....hand cramps!! Boo.

Still pretty simple.

Now we start to sweat a little.

This section was the most challenging. He gave us a table and across the top of the of the columns, were the words: PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE. Then he supplied us with lists of three words each. For example: POLICIES, FACTS, VALUES. Our task was to take the three words and place them under the heading that best describes the order of the words. So my answer looked like: FACTS, VALUES, POLICIES. (Facts from past scenarios dictate the values we hold today and we set up policies to protect those values in the future.) THERE WERE SIX OF THOSE!!! One of the lists was DELIBERATIVE, FORENSIC, EPIDEICTIC!!! WTF?! Thinking again?!?!? What?! Even though most of us had NEVER heard these words, we had to decide?!? STOP WITH THE CRITICAL THINKING!!!

So after we limp out of that section, we flip the test over to find.....GRAMMAR LESSONS*?? Hold up here buddy! We didn't even DISCUSS grammar!! Notta once! I have the scrupulous notes of every word you said in class and you never even TOUGHT the word GRAMMAR!! No fair. You are expecting us to rely on knowledge we have gained over years of studying English and apply it to YOUR test!! You could, like, NOT be more UNFAIR Prof English!! You are the meanest Professor EVER! **foot stomp**

What do you mean "underline the complete subject" in your sample sentence?! If you don't knock it off, I'm going to TELL you where exactly you can put your infinitive! (You crazy English profs need to stop foaming at the mouth from excitement....yer keyboard is going to short out.)

Prof English!!! What are you doing?? You give us the sentence: Each of my two sons required two chances to pass their drivers test. I don't WANNA identify two mistakes!! And please, please, please don't ask me to re-write it. (Oh yeah, he asked.)

Then you tell us: A young man living in Oh-Ho, Korea is a bright student he got accepted at the university of Pennsylvania. Well, la dee da for him Prof English!!! I don't care that there are BLATANT mistakes in that sentence. (Mistakes that are making my eye twitch and were painful to type...I can only IMAGINE the pain for him!) No! I'm NOT gonna list the verbs. There is no way you're going to make me list all the adjectives. AND I AM CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO RE-WRITE!!! STOP ASKING!

Sheesh....professors these days.



*Editor's Note: Personally, I LOVE grammar! I was SOOOO excited to see this section on the test. These are what I like to call "Gimme Points"...gimme the points so I can go home!

The One in Which I Get a Gift and Post a Retraction

Let's start with the retraction. I would like to take back ANY negative editorial comments I MAY have made about a certain English class I will be taking this semester. Leave it to Tiny Christian University to blow past my low expectations and deliver, once again, a wonderful class and dynamic professor to go along with it.

During my illustrious college career I have been in some version of ENG 111 a total of three times (clearly my LESS THAN illustrious grades dictated that I try, try again). This class is a requirement in every secondary institution across the country and it has standard assignments: The Persuasive Argument, The Bibliography, The Research Paper, The Letter, and The Autobiographical/Personal/"I"/Favorite Memory Story.

Wow. Thrilling. And let me tell you, learning the critical elements, proper structure, syntax, and purpose for each is so exciting that at times, I've been moved to tears.....TEARS OF BOREDOM!!! Dear god in heaven!

So why not get the required "C" grade needed to pass the class and have it count for graduation? BECAUSE I GET SO BORED I STOP GOING TO CLASS! I lose my desire to willingly subject myself to that sort of punishment and by that time it's so far past the deadline to drop, I figure I'm screwed anyway so I just stop attending. (I know. I know. My logic is seriously flawed but we're not discussing that in THIS blog!)

BUT!! I have reached ENG 111 Nirvana. The curriculum, although identical to the one I described above, has been re-written to apply to modern situations and applications. The Letter?? It's been changed to, "The Proper Letter AND Formal Email". The Bibliography? It's been re-vamped to include a one day lab that will help us learn how to evaluate whether or not a website or search engine is reliable AND how to document them properly.

AND THERE'S MORE! The prof is dynamic, and corny, and realistic, and demands deeper thinking and reflection, and is in touch with what is going on in the real world. It is so refreshing to have a professor that cares about not only his subject but his students' success as well. Not only that, but he walked into the classroom and told us he was going to give us a gift.

YAY!! PRESENTS!! I like him already.

Normally the first day of a class is best described as the "Square-Off and Spar" class. The students walk into the first class expecting two things, a thorough explanation of the syllabus (including, but not limited to, "How do I get an A?", "What happens if I don't show up?" and "How much is everything worth?"). They also expect to NOT have to write down a SINGLE note or lesson pertaining to that class. Our demands our simple and if not met, professors can expect lots of blank stares and awkward silences.

Professors (I think) approach the first class meeting a little differently. They want to finally put faces to the list of names they've had for a month now (and see if their mental images match with the actual images) AND they want to establish who has the control and how the classroom is going to run for the rest of the semester. Simple enough.

Professor English deviated from the plan! Sure he met our expectations, but by the end of the class he had students scrambling to borrow notebook paper from their neighbors because they had run out of room in the margins of the syllabus for all that he was saying to us. He had us answering questions!! He pushed us to fish for words, to struggle to describe thoughts and ideas, and demanded we think more critically than our foggy After Break brains would normally allow.

HE ACTUALLY TAUGHT ON THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS!!!! eep! :-0

The thing is, he did it so slowly and covertly that it caught most of us totally by surprise. I had a notebook open just because it's a habit and because it provides prime doodling space when the lecture turns dry. By the time the sound of students leaving classrooms reached my ears, I had taken a page and a half of notes! Granted he was only talking about how to effectively read a book, but I was so fascinated by his simple helpful tips, I would have been an idiot not to write anything down.

He took 10 of the 75 minutes to walk through the syllabus, and spent the other hour teaching. He taught us how to annotate, read actively, and gave us the lecture points needed to complete our first assignment. It all happened so fast!!

While we began filing out of the classroom, I heard a classmate say, "You didn't give us our gift!". Professor English just said, "Yes I did."

And yeah, he did.

***Update***

I have come down off my high.
I'm going to limp off to bed and sneak in a cat nap before my final @ 9AM!


This is the EXACT text Special Man Friend has waiting on his cell phone:

"I will cause you severe bodily harm if you don't call me and make sure I'm awake when you get home from work!"

Finals 2006! WOO!! Show Us Your Boobs!!!!

Hi! Hi! Hi! Welcome! Hi!

It's finals week!!! Woo!!! Yay for Red Bull!!! (For some reason it ONLY tastes right with vodka but what are you gonna do?!?) And Excedrin!!! And my life source....heavenly, heavenly Mocha Fraps!!! Woo!! Caffeine!! That's right people, my only source of caloric intake since Sunday has come from CAFFEINE!!! Woo!!! And the trembling!!! And the energy!! Woooo!!!

The hours are ticking away before I walk into my first final whereas that blessed hour of freedom after my last final seems decades away!!!! And I can't seem to stop with the exclamation marks!!!! And the suitemates can't seem to keep up with my ramblings!!! And did I mention that I've been consuming caffeine?!?!?!?!

Have I also mentioned that I am a delicate, delicate flower and with only a SNIFF of coffee brewing I become the love child of Speedy Gonzales and the Roadrunner?!?!?!?!?

Have I also mentioned that the Student Government here at Tiny Christian University have decided to have Red Bull reps on hand from 10pm till 6 am in the cafeteria?!?!? And you know what these beautiful, beautiful people are doing?!?!?!? They are handing out FREE FREE FREE Red Bull!!!!! Wooo!!! Red Bull gives you wings!!! And tremors!!!! Wooo!!!

Yup yup!!! Alright!!! Back to the books!!! Woo!!! Yay for finals!!! Woo!!!

RE: HELP! HELP! HELP!

I decided to email the file back to my professor and let her know that her final may have 'leaked'. I assured her I didn't read it and that I just wanted her to know that it was out there. I then deleted the file off the computer before I could have a chance to email it to myself.


Her response....and I quote, "Thanks."


*shrug* Whatever. At least I can sleep easier at night and I still like the face I see in the mirror, and that's what matters in the long run, right?

HELP! HELP! HELP!

I found a copy of the final for my Adolescent Psych class. My prof was absent minded enough to save it to the public computers and not delete it.

I haven't read it, but it's there...singing it's siren song of Guaranteed A+.

It's not MY fault she left it there! I wasn't SEARCHING for it!!! I've gotten A's (sorry for the apostrophe abuse Mrs. Chili...it just looks better!) on all of her other tests! I wasn't even WORRIED about this final...in fact I was sure in my ability to get an A. I'm drowning in review groups and study guides from my other 15 credits...I could use the break!

On the other hand, I've never cheated in my LIFE! This is soooo immoral I don't even know where to begin!




I wish Jiminy Cricket was around!

Today's In Class Writing Assignment

Today in Biblical Interpretations, we had an in class writing assignment. We needed to write our reaction to the book, Blood Brothers by Elias Chacour. If you have never read it, I would highly reccomend it! It's an easy read intellectually but mentally and emotionally it could put you throgh the wringer.

The prof wanted our responses straight from the heart and honest as we could be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The response I had to Elias Chacour’s story was tremendous. My gut reaction was that of anger, anger at my disillusionment in my country’s portrayal of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. My more secondary response to the story was my deep connection with Elias and his struggle regarding his identity in God and God’s plan for his life. Lastly I spent a significant amount of time wrestling with my own sorrow and ache for peace in the Middle East. Blood Brothers helped me realize there are ALWAYS two sides to every coin, regardless of what I had been told my whole life.

Like a radio turned on while working, the conflict in the Middle East had become background noise in my life. I have grown up with this war. Ever since I was little girl, every night on the six o’clock news, there has been some tidbit of information regarding something in the Middle East. I was quickly taught the key players in the drama and believed wholeheartedly what I was told. The Israelis were the underdog and the good guys. They were being ruthlessly slaughtered for a reason that was so miniscule there was really no reason to ever mention it. The Palestinians are the bullies, killing innocent Israelis and refusing to agree to peace. And lastly, our brave American heroes were sent in to fix all of their problems. This cast list was simple enough for even the youngest of minds to follow.

My biggest struggle with Chacour’s story began in the first few pages. My image of the ‘typical’ Palestinian had been produced for me my whole life. When he began his story with a glimpse into his family life, I recoiled in horror.

“A family?! Surely Palestinians have no family, there is nothing human about these cold-blooded, rebel terrorists!” I suppose somewhere in the back of my mind I realized Palestinian people do not grow out of the ground and have parents, grandparents, and siblings like myself. After the first chapter I set the book down refusing to believe Chacour’s lies. Not only was he a Palestinian, but he was a Christian! He believed in the same Savior and God I did. This new truth stood in stark contrast to my former image and had no place in my reality. I began the hard lesson that truth and reality don’t often line up.

By the end of the story I was disappointed in my country, a feeling that does not sit well with a Conservative Republican Farmer’s Daughter. I wrestled with the truth that my government, MY true blue American heroes were in the wrong. Not only were they wrong in their approach to the problem, they were in fact PART of the problem! I began to realize that much of the conflict was surrounded in smoke and mirrors and that more disturbing was the fact that I clung to those illusionary tricks like my own life depended on it.

The first of the mirrors came down when I began to find myself relating to Elias in a very real way. I pushed against this idea and wouldn’t accept it until the last few pages of the story remained. I began to see a man relating candidly his struggles with where God was taking him and what his role was in God’s plan for his country. I have often found myself feeling as if my identity in Christ is on a continuum, it’s never set in one place and it continually grows and changes with me. I began to realize everyone experiences growing pains as they grow in their Christian identity. Certain truths are adopted easily and with very little distress to the believer. There are others that force the believer to face things in his life that are shadowy and contain many gray areas. Often times, I found that in each instance in which I related to Chacour on a personal level I was sent on a personal journey through doubt, conflict and resolution. Reading his struggles in black and white helped me realize that I do not have all the answers, nor am I ever going to have all the answers.

When it comes to answers I wish I had at least one that would sound reasonable in resolving the conflict in the Middle East. For so long I have been hearing about war and terrorism. So many lives have been lost over the years it makes my heart twist with sorrow. Israeli, Palestinian and American blood has been shed in what seems a hopeless cause. I was encouraged to see that people like Elias were fighting for peace, without picking up a gun. It is difficult to justify killing people in the name of peace. My heart hurts for the turmoil my brothers and sisters are enduring. All three militaries are war weary and ready to be done. The call for peace has been unanswered for too long and yet I see the harsh reality of the fact that there might never be peace.

Peace is a strange creature. When seeking peace, conflict always arises. As new information is entered into a person’s sphere of reality, that which aligns with a person’s personal truth is adopted. Information which contradicts or condemns, is railed against and wholeheartedly denied access to our cocoon of comfort. As truth keeps presenting itself, a person begins the long, sometimes arduous, battle for inner peace. As the battle rages on in the Middle East, peace remains a distant dream. There is hope one day the dream will be realized, but for now battle must continue.