The One with the Sasie Note
To the Maintenance Men of Tiny Christian University:
Hello! Let me first say that I really do appreciate your dedicated service to our campus. You guys do jobs most of the residents would run from....thank you!
HOWEVER!! Sometimes your lack of common sense and critical thinking skills leave me at a loss for words. I realize that at one point you were all told by your boss that "If there is ice, you must put down salt". I agree!
What I am beginning to realize is that you may have missed the Chemistry lesson that should have gone along with those instructions. I am sure you may already be aware of the idea that the salt is used to form a layer of brine which has a lower freezing point and breaks the bond the ice on the pavement. Very good! [Pats on the head all around.]
This is ideal for streets because after the ice is seperated from the surface, the rushing traffic mixes it up and plows follow along to scrape the newly made slush off the roadways. You, my lovely Maintenance Men, are NOT deicing roadways. You are deicing the walkways of small Christian University.
Essentially there is not enough weight moving FAST ENOUGH over your brine and therefore no slush is being created. ALSO! You lovely fellows are not out shoveling or plowing what little slush there IS being created in high traffic areas, say for example in front of the academic building on campus where ALL TCU undergrads have EVERY class.
Also you may have noticed, the temperature outside is WELL below freezing....about 30 degrees below actually.
What am I trying to say?? STOP SALTING! All that is being accomplished is that for a brief 30 seconds the ice melts enough to promptly refreeze IN A NEW SHAPE!!!
In other words... THE ICE IS STILL IN FRONT OF THE STAIRS SO SOMEONE HAVING A REALLY CUTE HAIR DAY CAN SLIP AND FALL ON HER OH-SO-PLENTIFUL ALBEIT ADORABLE RUMP THUS EMBARASSING HER, SCUFFING HER CUTE SHOES, AND!! FORCING HER TO CHANGE HER ENTIRE ENSEMBLE WHICH TOOK HER 25 MINUTES TO PICK OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!
Bah humbug on YOU, you Maintence Men. Curses be on all your houses and your families!
Your adoring Tiny Christian University resident,
Cassie
PS: MY BUTT HURTS!!
3 comments:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I break my silence for this one! That's just fucking hilarious.
Although you were right about one thing. Your rump is pretty adorable.
Much love,
The Infamous SMF
OH, NO!!
Okay, I have a couple of things to say here:
First of all - cute shoes?! In the winter?! When you KNOW there's ice out there!? You are obviously not a Yankee woman, because there's nothing cute about our footwear until after Memorial Day. Nope - it's LL Bean duck boots all around, thank you very much.
Second - I'm sure your butt is not as ample as you think it is.
Third - how much trouble is SMF in for laughing out loud and in public like that?! (and didn't he give YOU crap not too long ago - in the linebacker post, I believe - for dropping the f-bomb? Not that I, personally, have any problem with the word - actually, it's one of my favorites - but what's good for the goose there, fella...
:P
Cassie
You had me at 'adorable rump.'
bobbarama
PS: I double-checked the latest version of 'The Bloggers Bible: Rules, Regulations & Etiquette for Bloggers' ... and it clearly states in Section 7, Subsection 7A, Paragraph 3 ... and I'm quoting here ... "And under no circumstances shall anyone be or attempt to be funnier than bobbarama."
So, please, stop it. Don't make me send you the manual.
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