5.24.2009

My Life is a Romantic Comedy

Remember Sam? Remember how I said it was totally platonic? Remember when my life was simple? Remember when I WASN'T AN IDIOT?!?!?

Remember?!?

I DO!

Then one night my Platonic Feelings, my Sobriety, and my Inhibitions peaced out, left me to fend for myself and chaos ensued.

Let's rewind a little bit, shall we?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About two weeks after my last post, I suddenly had the sinking feeling that my feelings for Sam were no longer platonic. It hit me out of the blue when he was leaning over to grab something on the other side of the table and I caught a whiff of his cologne. I have always been a HUGE sucker for Man Scent, but I was able to keep my shit together long enough to run to my bathroom, look myself in the mirror and scream, "What!! Are you fucking stupid?!?!?" After that, the night continued on uneventfully and I chalked it up to being in desperate need for some manly affection and moved on.

Then the following night as Sam was sitting next to my sister checking out something on her laptop, I looked up from my magazine and was suddenly overtaken by the urge to kiss along his jawline. Once again I excused myself and screamed into my pillow for a good five minutes.


*PAUSE*

I know you're beginning to wonder why I was so doggedly resisting these feelings. There was a VERY good reason. A reason I wasn't ready to admit to myself. A reason I couldn't overlook because it could have meant possibly hurting someone I care more about than any other person on this planet.

*PLAY*

After the screaming, I laced up my gym shoes and decided to get a little physical exercise while I contemplated all I had been feeling. As I was leaving, I heard these words:

"Hey Cass! I'll go with you. I haven't gotten any physical activity at all today!"

*PAUSE*

This is where Smart Cass would have said, "That's okay Sam. I'll go by myself. I need the solitude."

But the script went something like this instead:

"Sure! Sounds good."

From then on, Sam and I got together everyday to take nightly walks and chit chat about life. The entire time all this was going on I realized I was playing with fire. I was WELL aware of the fact that Third Degree Burns were really the only possible outcome. And yet, I continued to walk right into the blaze.

*PAUSE*

I am going to take this moment to share a fact with you. I have ALWAYS been better friends with guys than girls. I get guys. We jive well. Their simpler, more compartmentalized way of thinking appeals to me and we communicate easily with each other. What am I trying to say? I very, VERY quickly became Sam's closest friend and confidant.

Another fun fact? I also happen to be EXTREMELY intuitive......almost to the point of clairvoyance! Just keep those facts tucked away...they'll come in handy later.


*MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE RANCH*

This past Wednesday after Sam and I finished our walk, he invited me along to have some beers with his friends. I agreed and off we went. (Hear that??? That's the sound of Sobriety and Inhibitions packing their bags!)

Fast forward past my 4 beers and his 3 straight vodkas and you'll find us stumbling up to my front door.

"Cass, mind if I come in for a bit? I can't drive right now."

"Sure! Sounds good." (Sound familiar????)

"Cool, thanks."

We headed to the kitchen table where I set us up with some water.

"You know Cass, the only reason I'm going to be able to say this is because I drank too much tonight, but here it goes. I think I'm attracted to someone I really shouldn't be. I mean...I don't know what she'll think about the whole thing. She's such a good friend. I love the way she makes me feel! She gets me! And seriously Cass, I haven't been sexually attracted to her the entire time I've known her...until recently. All of sudden I just saw her differently and I realized I want to be WITH her! Cass....I think I could be in love with this girl.....Aren't you going to ask who it is?"

"I already know. You're attracted to my sister."

"How do you know that?!?!? I just realized it this morning!"

"Sam, I've been watching you watch her for the past three months. Your face gives you away. Don't play poker by the way...you'd suck."

"Wow. So?? What do you think?"

"Well, I've been dropping hints with her for weeks now and I know without a doubt where she stands."

"Oh. Okay, tell me how bad it is. Truthfully. I'm drunk....it's won't hurt as much."

"Truthfully, she's not interested. She thinks you two are TOO similar and she just doesn't see you that way. She also loves your friendship too much to risk being anything more."

"Oh. I kind of thought so."

"She's also very, very young. You two are at different stages in life. I think you'd be better off looking somewhere else for a relationship."

"Yeah, I guess. I'm really ready to be in a relationship that may not end."

*FAST FORWARD OVER MORE TALKING*

"Look Sam, I don't mind continuing to talk about this but I have GOT to lay down before I fall off my chair."

"Okay. Here. Lay down on the couch."

"Great. So where were we? Oh right, you want to marry my sister. What else do you want to know?"

"Nothing. Actually, I'm done talking about that. Tell me about YOUR life."

*FAST FORWARD*
After talking for over four hours, he's now reclined in the couch and I have my head in his lap so he can scratch my head while we talk. (I know!! FIRE!! Danger, danger Will Robinson! I realize this...trust me.) Suddenly Sam decides to utter THESE words:

"Huh. Maybe I fell for the wrong girl."

At that point he leaned over and kissed me. And we kissed for a good long time. And it was great. And we both really liked it. And it felt right.....totally natural and comfortable.

Then he looked at me and said,

"What the hell am I doing? I'm so sorry. I've got to go. I'll text you tomorrow."

He left after that and we've been texting and acting as if everything is totally cool. We hang out nearly everyday and talk about everything under the sun. He still has feelings for my sister and can't seem to get past them so he's not really interested in pursuing anything. I still have questions about what exactly I'm looking for and what I want right now so I'm not really wanting things to go any further either. For now we're going to throw a table cloth over that elephant in the room and just use it as an end table. Truthfully, that's all either of us have the mental and emotional capacity to do right now.

So where does that leave me??? Well, right here. Blogging. While I wish things had happened a LITTLE differently, I'm okay with just waiting this whole thing out. I think...

2 comments:

Mrs. Chili said...

Oy. Good luck with that!

Even though this is NOT funny, the way you wrote it was hysterical ("hear that? That's the sound of sobriety and inhibitions packing their bags!") You's a very funny girl, Cass.

Really, Honey; good luck. Keep us all posted; it could be that he DID fall for the wrong girl....

Cassie said...

I actually was going for a little humor.

I didn't want to be a total Debbie Downer the whole time.