SMF asked if he could guest-author AND I said yes with much trepidation THEN he surprised me and made me fall in love even more.
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[[Author's note: I've beeen reading Cass's blog for as long as she's been writing and I don't think she's done a very good job letting everyone know what kind of a Girl she is. I asked if I could author a blog about her. All you REALLY need to know is that on my blog I refer to her as Girl so that's what I'm calling her here as well. I want you to see what I see.]]
Girl came to church alone. We always arrive at different times. It was just another ordinary Sunday morning. I had begun my laps around the interior searching for Girl when I came around the corner into Fellowship Hall.
There she was. It wasn't that her clothes were particularly stunning. Her make-up was rather ordinary. I had seen her hair like that dozens of times. I had gazed at that sweet face, lost myself in those endless brown eyes hundreds of times in the past, but something about her was different today.
I don't want to describe the moment with cliches. There was nothing cliche about what I saw. "She glowed." "Light shone all around her." "Colors seemed brighter." "I heard music when there was none." All these statements belittle the moment I experienced.
The best way I could describe it is...........she simply existed. Joyful. Energetic Lovely. Playful. Deep. Thoughtful. Serious. Sexy. Powerful. Sincere. Sultry. Intoxicating. Honest. Loving. Sweet. Inspirational. She was all of these things at the same time.
I realized I wasn't even really "drawn to her". I was content to just stay where I was and witness something I could never explain--feel emotions I don't have names for. I wanted the moment to last a lifetime and at the same time it was like standing next to a blast furnace, I wanted so desperately to back away from the intensity.
When I saw her standing there, chatting with our Old Crones of the church, I felt like I could read her thoughts. The smile that lit up her face was so radiant and lovely I couldn't help but smile along with her. Girl's deepest, innermost joys were written in that smile. I could feel my adrenaline start pumping as I plotted the demise of anything that might make that smile falter.
I was suddenly wrapped up in the idea of spending the rest of my life with her. I was dumbstruck with the magnitude of the challenge. God was expecting me to Care For and Understand and Support and Struggle Alongside and Make Love To and Cherish and Challenge and Have Fun With and Adore this incredibly ethreal woman....for the rest of my life.
I began to realize that I am intended to be the earthly manifestation of all the things she needs God to be for her. When she cries out to her Father in anguish I am expected to catch her tears. When she raises her hands in praise, I am expected to fall to my knees and thank God. When Girl can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am expected to light the lamp. When she needs a hug, I am expected to open my arms.
I was nearly crying out myself in pure terror at the idea. And just as soon as the thought had left my head, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace. I watched as she slowly began to peel off the coat I had given her for Christmas. She unwound her super long scarf and pulled off her gloves by tugging on each finger. I couldn't take my eyes off those familiar arms as they embraced Pastor's Wife in a friendly hug. Her tiny hands held the other woman's hands gently and lovingly. I watched her deep brown eyes cloud with concern and genuine compassion as PW explained the breaking news of the Church.
Every one of her movements was so familiar, I felt I could predict each before they even happened. The way she tossed her hair when she laughed was so well-known to me, I could envision where each and every silky strand was going to land. This stunning woman had been created as my equal. She had been specifically designed to awaken these thoughts, feelings and emotions. She was, IS, the other half I have been searching for for 27 years!
To say Girl "broke the mold" the day she was created is again, an understatement. I see that God designed every little inch of this surreal woman. When I saw her in the doorway, framed in the early morning light, I knew for a fact that she was created for me.
I also realized that I was created for her. I can't say that she's ever had the same sensation I experienced, she's never mentioned any. That Sunday I understood what a precious and remarkable gift God was giving to me. He was trusting me with His most beloved creation. She is His PRECIOUS daughter! He was challenging me and I feel ready for the challenge.
The moment I just described lasted no more than five minutes; shorter than it took me to write about it. The moment was over when she looked up and caught my eyes. I can't imagine what she saw, but the smile she gave me lit up my heart and almost made me cry. All I could manage to do was move toward her. I forced my feet to move. After what seemed like the longest second of my life, I was standing next to her.
I had the overwhelming sense to wrap her in my arms, press her head to my chest and never let her go. I wanted to ravish her right then and there. I wanted to kiss her favorite spot on her forehead and smile and laugh and act like nothing had just happened. I wanted to never be away from her again.
All I could actually do was reach out and squeeze her hand. She squeezed back and I knew, in that little squeeze, that it's possible to have Heaven on Earth.
