2.28.2007

The One with The Updates

SPRING BREAK 2007!!! Wooooooo! Show us your boobs!


Okay....now that we have THAT out of our system. It's true, here at Tiny Christian University it is OFFICIALLY Spring Break 2007. What am I doing you ask? I'm spending it on a bus with 52 other people DRIVING to Staten Island and back. WOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (Uh huh.)

Along with it being Spring Break, it is also Concert Choir Spring Tour 2007. This year we are traveling to Staten Island, NY with performances along the way in Indiana, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. (We headed your way Mrs. Chili....I'll wave from New York!) We perform at churches and stay with members of the congregation every night. Essentially, every night I have no idea where exactly I'm going to be laying my head, I just have faith that it will be somewhere warm and safe.

This element is only one of many that makes Tour so intense. (Wait till next year when we tour Europe and do it the EXACT same way!!! YIKES!!) Not only are we performing everyday (sometimes twice), but we are making the entire trip on hope and some prayers. (Granted the churches are arranged ahead of time so it's not like we just show up at some random church expecting food and a place to stay....that's just insanity!)

Last year I was lucky enough to stay with wonderful families in BEAUTIFUL houses every night. One of my Florida families hosted four of us girls for two nights and let us use their car, go to the movies, take naps in the afternoon, sunbathe on their patio, and each of us had her own rooms. NICE!!! (Everyone is praying to be placed with that type of family.)

What am I trying to say in all of this? YAY!!! Tour!!! I'm excited!!! (Okay moving on.)
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Ummmm...since the last time we chatted, I have been placed on the ADD drug Adderall XR. My therapist and I decided to try a new tactic since EVERYTHING else we had tried failed to help my poor GPA. Of course, besides cutting WAAAAAAAAAAY down on the amount of time I spend at Special Man Friend's Bachelor Pad. That helped quite a bit actually! (Go figure.)

I had noticed I was having a problem staying focused back in middle school, but my Mother Figure was pretty adamant that I was just lazy. So I put my nose to the grindstone to achieve the GPA expected by my parents. I graduated with a 3.85 and nearly killed myself in the process. Now at college, I'm finding it almost impossible to keep focused on one thing for too long. My GPA currently?? A 2.0. Uhhh....yeah, clearly there's a problem, so I'm going to see how this med stuff works for a while. (At LEAST a year.)

I'm pretty happy with my decision to go on meds. Thus far I have been able to cope with the side effects. Minor headaches and nausea after my first meal of the day seem to be the two that hit on a consistent basis. My Psychiatrist/Neurologist (we'll call him Dr. Brain) promises that these things will lessen in time.

What am I trying to say in all of this? YAY!!! Drugs!!! I'm excited!!! (Okay moving on.)
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And last but not least, I STILL don't have the solo in choir. What has Dr. Director decided? The freshman and I are going to share it!!!!!! Alright....fine. All I have to say about it is,

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING ASSHOLE?!?

(Shhhhh....don't tell SMF that I just swore.)

It's not that I'm a Super Diva (I'm a recovering one actually)! The fact is that I have logged a total of 15 hours working on this stupid solo!!! Snot-nose Freshman?? She'll openly admit she hasn't worked on it at all!!! WTF?!? I mean really! Even the Choir thinks this is more than a little shitty.

*sigh* Fine, dearest Dr. Director. Be that way! I just want to you to know that I am agreeing to this arrangement only under extreme duress.

What am I trying to say in all of this? DAMN YOU DR. DIRECTOR!!!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!




Ugh....YAY for Tour. :-/

2.21.2007

The One in Which I LOSE MY MIND!

Okay...I actually had to sit down and roll up my sleeves for this one. I need to do a lottle (not a little but a lottle...) ranting!!

To My Dearest and Lovliest Choir Director,


IF THAT F-ING SNOT-NOSED FRESHMAN GETS THE SOLO IN CHOIR, I CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS!!!!!!

I'm not kidding here dearest Choir Director, sir. I auditioned for this department last year and you awarded me a $120,000 scholarship to sing. Remember that???

Yeah.....so get the idea of this FROSHY doing the solo out of your little pea-brain and let's get serious here. We leave on tour in EIGHT days and we need to know who's doing this solo. Don't make me come after you...

You asked today in rehearsal who had the depth and soul to do this solo and the choir spoke. Did you hear the name they said??? Were you there?!?!? "Let Cass do it!"; "Cassie!!"; "I figured Cass was doing it." REMEMBER THAT MOMENT?!?!?

Obviously I am MUCH too humble to just walk up to the front and take the mic after I heard my name. I allowed you the opportunity to make up your mind, but then you did this REALLY bizarre thing!! You avoided all eye contact with and called out FROSHY'S name!!!!! That little wench waltzed up to that mic like she owned the place. She thinks just because she can sing a dotted syncopated rhythm she's something to write home about! Are you kidding me?!? Every time I HEAR HER SPEAK she's bragging about her past choir experience but what you, my dear director, seem to forget is that it doesn't matter....I'M BETTER!! I was in my first professional choir the YEAR SHE WAS F-ING BORN!!!! I mean, really!!

Do I need to strut around and spout my credentials? Do I need to tell you I have sung with 6 professional orchestras? Do you REALLY need to know that I was named Best State Soloist 2 years running? Is that what you need? Or is she just spending her lunch hour under your desk?!?!? I don't want to point fingers but WHY ARE WE EVEN DISCUSSING THIS?!? It is common knowledge that freshmen don't get solos. That's just how the world works!

Well Mr. Director, you better not be freaking surprised when I show up in your office dressed in my Cute clothes looking to "just sing through some things really quick". I can play THIS game! If nothing else, in all my years as a competitive singer....I HAVE LEARNED HOW TO COMPETE!


PS: Who are we kidding? The pink suits me.

2.17.2007

The One with My Mother and The Jelly.

Alright....I'm calling on the powers of all the "Mommies" that swing by my site. Here's the deal, I think my mother is trying to kill me and I need to know if this is okay.

I don't know if any of my dear readers have ever had this habit, but everytime I walk in my Mother's house I automatically open the refridgerator door. My whole molecular balance gets thrown off if I don't get the chance to open the fridge, stick my head in and say, "I'm starving. What do you have to eat?" Even after eating out with my parents and riding back to their place, complaining the whole way about how stuffed I am, I will walk in the front door and promptly open the fridge. It's just a natural phenomenom.

Today was no different. I agreed to spend the weekend with my parents so I could help serve my Mom's retirement luncheon at church on Sunday. I wasn't in her house for longer than 8 minutes before I found my way to the kitchen and stuck my head in her fridge. She was in the process of making me clam chowder and I STILL HAD TO OPEN THE FRIDGE!! I decided that I couldn't wait for the soup and had to eat RIGHT NOW! I pulled out the fixin's for a PB & J sandwich and got to work.

I spent 45 seconds selecting the most perfectly shaped, symmetrical pieces of bread. I performed a thorough and scientific Taste Benefit ratio on the differences between Grape and Strawberry jelly. I chose the perfect knife for the job....definitely a butter knife but not too skinny or it wouldn't properly get the jelly out of the jar. I poured myself a frothy glass of milk in anticipation of a tasty "old school" lunch. I placed all of my supplies on the counter and got busy.

Suddenly there was a fluke! The jelly wouldn't open!! No amount of grunting, pouting, foot stomping, whining and jumping up and down would open that stupid jar. What Stupid Jar didn't know was, I WAS GOING TO HAVE GRAPE JELLY DAMN IT!!

I decided to run the jar under some hot water in hopes of loosening the sticky jelly glue that was holding my lunch hostage. While I was holding my prisoner under water and tapping my foot, I happened to glance down at the label and almost dropped the jar. There on it's purply little side was the nice neat printing saying, "BEST IF PURCHASED BY 06 2004". WHAT the?!?!?!?

Me: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! (In Chi-town all good children refer to their mothers as "Mah". Make it super nasally and you've got it.) Why do we have jelly from 2003?!?!?!?! That's just wrong!!! No wonder the jar wouldn't open! It was trying to save me from certain death.

Mah: Oh stop! It's jelly. You can eat it for years and years and be just fine.

Me: Mah! That's assuming you BUY A NEW JAR EVERY YEAR! EWwwwwwww. That's just gross.

Mah: Cut it out. If I had made the sandwich for you, you wouldn't have known any different.

Me: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwww!

Mah: Just stop it and make yer sandwich. (FYI "Yer" is not just a quirky internet spelling of 'your' and 'you're'...that's really how it's pronounced (or PERnounced) in these parts.)

Me: Never mind. I'm not hungry. I'll wait for the soup. Do you want me to throw this away or put it back in the fridge?

Mah: Are you gonna (gunna) eat it next year???

Me: NO!!!!!

Mah: Then just throw it out if yer gunna be sucha baby. I'll get new jelly at the store on Monday.

She was really okay with feeding me three year old jelly?!? What other crazy, unsanitary things do you loony Mah's do?!?!? I've seen the 'lick and stick' technique of cleaning pacifiers, but what have you done lately that DCFS should really know about???





PS: The pink was getting to me. I decided to change up the colors.....I think we've figured out that I'm a girl. Let's move on, shall we??

2.14.2007

The One with the Valentine's Day Presents!


THE BEST VALENTINE'S DAY EVER!!!!!
Look what was delivered to Tiny Christian University for ME!! I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER received a gift for Valentine's Day, LET ALONE flowers!
I'm so happy I could just pee!!!






















The inside of my ENORMOUS Valentine next to my flowers!!





































The inside of my Valentine.It's so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!





"Thank you for coming into my life and making it better than I knew was possible.
You have given me hope, brought inspiration into my life and have made me a better man for having known you.
I love you with all my heart."





AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! He's such a good guy. I can't even begin to express how lucky I am. :-D

2.09.2007

The One That Explains EVERYTHING!

Special Man Friend and I couldn't date if we couldn't talk about random things like the following. Please keep in mind these are not paid actors. The following are all REAL conversations.



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SMF: When hanging out with other guys, it's a good rule of thumb to have on as many clothes as possible.

ME: So if yer sitting on the couch with other guys, you wouldn't just sit there shirtless.

SMF: Yuck, no! Now when you and I are together, a good rule of thumb for YOU to follow is that YOU have as little clothing on as possible.

ME: So when I'm sitting on a couch with guys I should be shirtless?

SMF: HEY! [pause] When were you sitting on a couch with other guys?!?
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ME: I don't think you quite comprehend what I mean by "REALLY BAD SEX"

SMF: No....even "really bad sex" still means orgasm for me.

ME: Ugh.
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ME: I'll ask the black guys to play pool with me!

SMF: No you won't! For two reasons. First they LOVE your body type and would be acting all horny. SECOND you've already told me that you are strangely attracted to thuggish black guys.

ME: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love you...

SMF: Why?!? Because I'm logical?! Because I make sense?!?

ME: Yes....clearly.
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SMF: Yer kind of in a "Bad Girl" mood aren't you?

ME: No...actually I think I'm getting a headcold.

SMF: You have that "Naughty Girl" tone of voice.

ME: I think you're just hearing the sound of snot dripping down the back of my throat.
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ME: What are you doing? [As SMF is jumping around the living room]

SMF: Jumping.

ME: Oh, okay. [Goes back to reading]
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ME: Look at that squirrel!!! He looks like an ape!

SMF: Uhhh...

ME: Well, when he's going steppy, steppy not hoppy, hoppy.

SMF: You need a nap.
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ME: Do I look dumb when I walk?

SMF: WHAT?! No. What kind of a question is that? Next you're going to be asking if you look doofy when you blink.

ME: I look doofy when I blink?!?!?

SMF: [in total deadpan monotone] Yes, yes you do. It turns me on. Ooo baby, ooo baby.

ME: Shut up.
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ME: What do you want for Valentine's Day?

SMF: Well....you could get me that thing we keep meaning to buy but never get around to shopping for. [continues channel surfing]

ME: [silence] You want condoms for Valentine's Day?!?

SMF: Think something we use MUCH less frequently.

ME: [more silence] You want food for Valentine's Day?!?

SMF: When you blog about this could you please make us sound like something OTHER than starving nymphomaniacs?? [goes back to channel surfing]

(He wanted cologne by the way!!! How the hell was I supposed to guess that from his clues?!?)
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ME: [breathless] HEY!!! I JUST DID A ONE HOUR TAE-BO CLASS AND I LOVED IT!!!

SMF: [groggy and grumpy] It's six. Your loving and supportive boyfriend is trying to sleep.

ME: I just wanted to share! I'm going to go shower, then eat some breakfast, then go to class, then do some homework....

SMF: [mumbling while I'm talking] Loving and supportive. Loving and supportive. Loving and supportive.
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ME: Stop thinking so hard. You might hurt your brain and you need that.

SMF: I don't need a brain!

ME: Oh really?
SMF: Not as much as I need my penis!

ME: That line of thinking is precisely why the world is the way it is!

2.07.2007

The One in Which SMF Guest Authors...And Makes Me Cry.

SMF asked if he could guest-author AND I said yes with much trepidation THEN he surprised me and made me fall in love even more.
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[[Author's note: I've beeen reading Cass's blog for as long as she's been writing and I don't think she's done a very good job letting everyone know what kind of a Girl she is. I asked if I could author a blog about her. All you REALLY need to know is that on my blog I refer to her as Girl so that's what I'm calling her here as well. I want you to see what I see.]]

Girl came to church alone. We always arrive at different times. It was just another ordinary Sunday morning. I had begun my laps around the interior searching for Girl when I came around the corner into Fellowship Hall.

There she was. It wasn't that her clothes were particularly stunning. Her make-up was rather ordinary. I had seen her hair like that dozens of times. I had gazed at that sweet face, lost myself in those endless brown eyes hundreds of times in the past, but something about her was different today.

I don't want to describe the moment with cliches. There was nothing cliche about what I saw. "She glowed." "Light shone all around her." "Colors seemed brighter." "I heard music when there was none." All these statements belittle the moment I experienced.

The best way I could describe it is...........she simply existed. Joyful. Energetic Lovely. Playful. Deep. Thoughtful. Serious. Sexy. Powerful. Sincere. Sultry. Intoxicating. Honest. Loving. Sweet. Inspirational. She was all of these things at the same time.

I realized I wasn't even really "drawn to her". I was content to just stay where I was and witness something I could never explain--feel emotions I don't have names for. I wanted the moment to last a lifetime and at the same time it was like standing next to a blast furnace, I wanted so desperately to back away from the intensity.

When I saw her standing there, chatting with our Old Crones of the church, I felt like I could read her thoughts. The smile that lit up her face was so radiant and lovely I couldn't help but smile along with her. Girl's deepest, innermost joys were written in that smile. I could feel my adrenaline start pumping as I plotted the demise of anything that might make that smile falter.

I was suddenly wrapped up in the idea of spending the rest of my life with her. I was dumbstruck with the magnitude of the challenge. God was expecting me to Care For and Understand and Support and Struggle Alongside and Make Love To and Cherish and Challenge and Have Fun With and Adore this incredibly ethreal woman....for the rest of my life.

I began to realize that I am intended to be the earthly manifestation of all the things she needs God to be for her. When she cries out to her Father in anguish I am expected to catch her tears. When she raises her hands in praise, I am expected to fall to my knees and thank God. When Girl can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am expected to light the lamp. When she needs a hug, I am expected to open my arms.

I was nearly crying out myself in pure terror at the idea. And just as soon as the thought had left my head, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace. I watched as she slowly began to peel off the coat I had given her for Christmas. She unwound her super long scarf and pulled off her gloves by tugging on each finger. I couldn't take my eyes off those familiar arms as they embraced Pastor's Wife in a friendly hug. Her tiny hands held the other woman's hands gently and lovingly. I watched her deep brown eyes cloud with concern and genuine compassion as PW explained the breaking news of the Church.

Every one of her movements was so familiar, I felt I could predict each before they even happened. The way she tossed her hair when she laughed was so well-known to me, I could envision where each and every silky strand was going to land. This stunning woman had been created as my equal. She had been specifically designed to awaken these thoughts, feelings and emotions. She was, IS, the other half I have been searching for for 27 years!

To say Girl "broke the mold" the day she was created is again, an understatement. I see that God designed every little inch of this surreal woman. When I saw her in the doorway, framed in the early morning light, I knew for a fact that she was created for me.

I also realized that I was created for her. I can't say that she's ever had the same sensation I experienced, she's never mentioned any. That Sunday I understood what a precious and remarkable gift God was giving to me. He was trusting me with His most beloved creation. She is His PRECIOUS daughter! He was challenging me and I feel ready for the challenge.

The moment I just described lasted no more than five minutes; shorter than it took me to write about it. The moment was over when she looked up and caught my eyes. I can't imagine what she saw, but the smile she gave me lit up my heart and almost made me cry. All I could manage to do was move toward her. I forced my feet to move. After what seemed like the longest second of my life, I was standing next to her.

I had the overwhelming sense to wrap her in my arms, press her head to my chest and never let her go. I wanted to ravish her right then and there. I wanted to kiss her favorite spot on her forehead and smile and laugh and act like nothing had just happened. I wanted to never be away from her again.

All I could actually do was reach out and squeeze her hand. She squeezed back and I knew, in that little squeeze, that it's possible to have Heaven on Earth.

2.04.2007

The One with the Super Bowl

:'-(

That's all I've got to say about it.

"Wait till next year!" tis our battle cry.


~Cass~